I'm concerned that maybe I'm just not attractive enough to catch people's attention (in a good way) and that subsequently I may never be in a relationship. Not one person I had a crush on as a kid/teen wanted anything to do with me (I assume based purely on looks.) So there's that. And I can just see, looking at myself now, that I'm kind of plain/ugly. In addition my 20s are rapidly running out and let's face it, most people's looks generally don't improve with age. You might suggest that looks aren't everything. And I agree but I think my personality is severely devoid of attractive traits too. I find it hard not to take myself too seriously or feign interest in things which don't interest me. I probably come across as very "flat" or boring to most people and I can't really help that. And before people find out how truly dull I am they need to get past the walls of shyness/introversion surrounding me. Why would anyone bother? Lately I've been struggling to come up with things to keep me occupied in life. I'm not sure I can be one of those people content with a collection of hobbies. I long to be in a relationship and always have. Also in the unlikely event that I do manage to snag someone, what is going to happen when they realise I have no friends for them to meet and I don't really talk to my family? Then they're just stuck with me... just sitting there with nothing to say about anything.
Honestly same. Except i managed to make friends (i currently have 3, one of them i'm not so close to.) , It just took me a whole year to be myself with them, i wasnt even talking when i was with them and now i cant stop and we laugh together. It's ok if it takes time to make friends, be patient. My only hobbies are being all day on my computer doing nothing. And i hate my familly too.
Hey I'm 50 and I never had a date in my life. I have some friends that I can do things with every now and then. Do you have a job? I have been able to remain fairly happy. You shouldn't be so down on yourself. Try volunteering somewhere? Try traveling alone. Don't tell yourself you're not good looking. You just have to keep pushing through life and remain as positive as you can. There are plenty of things you can do to have fun. Cooking, exercising, learning a musical instrument, bird watching, the list is limitless. It's all up to you my friend! Do you want to try and have a good life or would you rather just let life pass you by? Start today! Do something to change your life for the better. Be positive! Treat others with respect, you have no idea what everyone else is going through and they don't know what you're going through. Just try and put a smile on your face and help others. We are all in this together, good luck!
The title of this thread sounds a bit woe is me and self pitying. I'm not at the bottom of an emotional well in hysterics or anything like that. I meant it more in a matter of fact way. I'm naturally inclined towards being a hopeless romantic and I'm just struggling to come to terms with the very real possibility (it seems) that I may never get to experience the one thing I wanted to experience above all else. I'm not saying some people can't be content with never being in a relationship... I just don't think I'm one of those people. Even if I was with someone and it didn't work out I could at least say "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" but I can't even say that. It doesn't matter how many hobbies I distract myself with. It's just always there at the back of my mind "you haven't had that life changing experience almost everyone has had yet. You're missing out.. Love is the reason we're here. Falling in love is the ultimate human experience, you're not a real human yet. What the fuck are you doing? You're wasting your time." I'm an over thinker and that mother of all intrusive thoughts won't cease until I have tasted love.
Unfortunately I don't have anything I can say to make you feel better, but all I can tell you is I have many of those exact same feelings. It's really, really tough to believe you're not good enough to generate even slight interest in another person and believe that even if you could they'd be turned away by a complete lack of a social life. I hope you're able to snap yourself out of it -- those thoughts come and go for me but right now they're being quite persistent. I do caution you a little bit against falling in love with the idea of being in a relationship rather than a specific person. I don't think it's possible for a relationship to be healthy if you enter it hoping for the other person to merely fill a hole, so to speak. I get it though -- I do believe we're missing out on the best thing that life has to offer and that truly sucks. Honestly though I'd never want to be content with that because that would mean I have completely given up on myself.
Sorry for trying to help. I have been in love three times in my life. Right now I am at rock bottom in my life. I am thinking of killing myself every day. I was only trying to help you a little. The fact is you won't find all the answers here. We are not trained therapist. You should go see one though. I am wasting my time. Trying to help you while trying to deal with my own problems. I am not a human? Thanks. It sounds like you've got it all figured out already then.
I feel like such a jerk now. I thought you directed that comment at me. I am so so sorry. I am going through really bad times myself. I should probably just stop posting on here. Please accept my apology.
Don't sweat it. I should have been more clear that I was referencing my inner dialogue and not talking to you. I was saying that I feel illegitimate or incomplete. I have no ill feeling toward you at all and appreciate you trying to help. I'm also sorry that you're going through a rough time right now.
I worry about this on occasion as well. Ultimately, though, I don't think I want to deal with the stress and commitment of a long term relationship. I should note that my relationships with other gay guys have been mixed and fairly trivial. I have had sexual partners and friends with benefits, but I mostly keep to myself (I am very much a gay guy who can hide in plain sight). Do I want to raise a child? Heck no. Do I feel uncomfortable in my own body? Hell yes. My point here is that you don't absolutely need unconditional love, that's something many people never get to experience for long. I have more than just a few friends who have poured everything into relationships that ultimately end catastrophically. A few of my straight friends (male and female) have offered far more good conversation and enjoyment than the brief experiences I've had with other gay guys. There's so much more to experiencing life than finding love - however fleeting that might be.
It sounds like you're already way ahead of me. I'm nearly 27 and haven't even experienced that yet if I'm honest. I take your point, it's probably more of a want than a need, it's just a want I can't completely shake off. I think once I've experienced it (if I experience it) I won't be bothered by it any more.
Maybe it's just that I don't know what I'm doing. I came out at 22-23 and had already been isolating myself for several years at that point. I've been under self-imposed house arrest for 8 years so far. Even if I was to go out and meet a person (I'm attracted to) and that person was interested in me I probably wouldn't have a clue, I don't know what to look for.. What are the initial signs? What's the correct social etiquette in that situation? I'm worried I might fuck up a good thing before it even begins by giving off the wrong signals or something. I'm so inexperienced for my age.
I know the feeling. I've been sitting here today tempted to message this super cute guy on an app (even though I generally don't like them). I know I wouldn't have any shot at all since he's younger, out of my league, and I don't think I'm really looking to do anything right now, but part of me also worries "what if he actually is interested?" Like I'd have no idea what to do with that and would probably just make a mess of things.
Please don't make any rash decisions and don't feel terrible for an honest mistake. Please continue posting here if you feel the need to. I hope you are okay?
