Was hard to you accept that you're lgbt?

Not really. It's something that's always seemed normal to me.

 

Nope. I know it's incredibly weird, especially for someone who can't even get himself to come out, but it never really upset me that I'm not straight. I don't know if I always would have said this, but I wouldn't change it if I could, even if it will likely never bring me happiness.

 

it wasnt hard, once i let myself. that was almost 4 years ago. knowing i couldnt be me just too dangerous back then, so i hid it as deep inside of me that i 'forgot' it as a teen was hard now that i remember.

 

Yes it is hard to accept, because I am older, have children and have lived a "straight" life for so long. It is difficult to make the necessary psychological shift in identity. It is difficult to unpick my "straight" life. It is messy. When I physically act on my sexuality with my girlfriend I am relaxed, it is easy at the moment when it happens and it feels innate and congruent with the core part of me. However, when I look at my children I wish that I could be straight - for them. Realising my sexuality completes me - sexually and romantically. Especially, I can express more tenderness and softness during intimacy than I have been able to before, in addition to the rougher part of me. In this way it has brought me joy, but it also continues to cause me and those I care about sorrow.

 

It was very hard. I’ve been fighting it all of my life. Many times, it wasn’t an issue. I’m truly highly attracted to women, so living straight wasn’t that difficult. At the same time, I had the attraction to guys as well. I even had some experimenting with a friend when I was younger. Somehow I rationalized it. At times, I would admit that I was bi,but would later repress it. Finally, I just accepted who I was. I’m still not out to anyone,but I’ve accepted who I am

 

For me, it was extremely difficult. I caused myself a lot of unnecessary turmoil. When I was younger, I used to research things on the internet like, “Why am I attracted to girls being a female?” The search results that I received were applauding; they brainwashed me into believing that I made a choice to feel attracted towards women. (I should mention that this was during a time when gay conversion therapy was really considered as an alternative to leading a super gay lifestyle.) And so I started to hate myself, and I hated the fact that I hated myself. Even now, I can totally joke about shit like this and it doesn’t bother me one bit.

Because eventually, I decided that I didn’t want to feel that way anymore, so I asked the “Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” And that’s when I had this out of body experience/epiphany. Here, I was trying to fight against who I was, even though my family accepted me. I was fighting against the person whom my mother and father created. A creation from God.

Once I gained that wisdom, that was ALL it took for me to truly believe that I am a unique, and I love who I’ve become. Don’t ever fight against who you are. Like they say, “Be yourself, everyone else is already taken.” - Unknown.

 

Yes and no. As a young person, confused and seeing and hearing so much hate for the LGBT community I did not want it to be true. By the time I kissed my first girl at 20, I indulged in enjoying that part of me that liked girls too and I even felt the need to brag about my kisses with girls. Skip ahead 10 years and finally realising and accepting that I only want to be with women has opened up a truth in me that feels soooo good to ackowledge, but also there is still the hard part of knowing I need to leave my hetero marriage to do that and like @Peterpangirl said - the people if affects (my kids too) makes a harder pill to swallow. But if I were a single woman, with no children - I would be out and proud.

 

I had a lot of trouble with it. I was young before the internet and I grew up in a small villiage. The only information I could find was a medical book that said it was a phase for most children/teens - but in some cases they didn't get over it, and that would mean incarceration and ECT..

So, I put it to the back of my mind and hoped to grow out of it. Then when I was my periods started, and got progressively more excruciating - I thought it was a punishment from God for the feelings I was having and if I put up with it until I grew out it, it would stop, and I'd be 'forgiven" (thanks to gideons bible the school gave me).

I was tuned in to any conversation about gay people in my family, any program on it I watched secretly in my room (with headphones on, sat with my finger on the tv channel change button in case my door opened..)

I think I genuinely went insane for a while.. people on tv are actors, so where they really gay? Or was it just me? I'll be 'forgiven' if I just put up with this pain etc..

Also around that time there was the AIDs crisis. Alot of my family weren't very open minded, and some appeared to have down right hatred of gay people.

I thought at 16 i'd know, because that's the age of consent. - you must know which gender right?. But still hadn't 'grown out of it'.. I started dating guys. Barely got to 2nd date as kissing just didnt do anything for me.

Then I was assaulted by a date, and that messed me up more. At 17, I considered suicide. But decided I couldn't hurt my family like that.

At 18 I thought I'd know because I'd be an adult.I still hadn't grown out of it, so I thought..at 20 i'll know. At 20 I still hadn't grown out of it and thought..ok you can NEVER tell anyone..or do anything about it.

I watched the puppy episode of Ellen that year (I think). All the media uproar made me finally believe I wasn't the only one.

I fell in love with Gwen Turner when her films came on after it. Channel 4 had a whole gay event that night, and as everyone was in bed I got to watch it all - it was the best night i'd ever had. But it remained a fantasy.

I went to college and tried to date guys again, but being assaulted meant I'd panic and feel sick if they kissed me too much - so I stopped.

Then I had a gay classmate, he was the first person I ever told. 'I think..i might be like you..' , 'you have to say it..' (honestly wondered if it was a trap), that how paranoid I got. I still had no plans on acting on it, but It ws nice to be able to talk to someone and get out of my own head.

Then at 23, something horrific happened to my gran and she died - the sweetest most lovely person I knew. I was angry, felt what kind of a God allows something like that to happen to a beautiful soul like hers? (And the people responsible walked out of court with a fine of £2.50 a week - disgusting..)

So I got drunk, joined a forum of gay women and got talking. Got medical help to sort my problem, and came out when I was 24.

I'm fine now - I don't know if there's a God or not, its not something I concern myself with now. But if there is we're gonna have words.. lol

 

Yes and no.

For the longest time I wasn't sure if being gay was morally good or healthy. I erred on the side of caution too so that made it hard to notice, acknowledge, or explore my feelings. So in that respect it was very hard for me to accept. I was deep in denial for a long time and getting out of that was not easy. Once I realized I was in fact attracted to girls and it was not morally wrong or unhealthy, it was actually easy to accept. I didn't suffer in anguish wishing I wasn't gay. I set out to understand rather than judge. So my experience has been more like the heaviest of burdens was lifted and I was able be happy and free in a way I haven't known.

Not to suggest everything was or has been sunsets and rainbows.

 

Yes and no.

All my life my subconciousness knew I was gay, but not my conciousness. It's like I didn't know that I knew already. Also, I really really want kids, and of course the easiest way to do so is to sleep with a man, and I think that this contributed to keep me in a sort of "subconcious denial" and getting out of that phase was probably the hardest part, as I had to be miserable for years trying to date men and look girly to fit in before I started really questionning. Once that kind of subconcious barrier broke, I was so happy to finally realize that I was gay and that I didn't have to make myself suffer any further that accepting that I was was probably the easiest thing ever!

 

The hard part, after wondering aimlessly for a few years, was FINALLY realizing that me being gay is piggy backed with early teen abuse. (basically child abuse)

Post abuse messages sent out so many signals, I heard and felt them, but did not know where they were coming from. Nor understood what they meant.

So I have to hurtles to overcome. Sexuality and abuse.

 

At first, yes, most definitely. I realized I was into females at a very young age, I just didn't comprehend it fully until I was around maybe 14, then I recognized the thoughts and feelings I was having probably more than likely meant I was a lesbian. I continued to suppress and hide those thoughts and feelings until I was 20 years old. I spent my time those years hanging out with all the wrong people and intentionally dating guys just so I could fit in with my "friends" and be "normal" or what I thought was normal at that time. But secretly on the inside I hated everything I was doing, I didn't like any of the guys I dated, had 0 attraction to any of them, needless to say, I never went all the way with any of those guys, on one occasion with the last guy I dated he even called me a lesbian. haha. My main issue with suppressing who I knew I was, I feel had a lot to do with the environment I was in, the people I surrounded myself with, and the time period. I grew up in a very small rural town, not a very big population, everyone knows everyone. Had all the wrong friends, except a few, and just felt super ashamed. However, after I decided to ditch all my bad "friends" and live the life I wanted I have never been or felt happier with who I am and honestly if I could go back in time, I would've done it all sooner. It's very difficult though when you're young, you're afraid, afraid of being judged, afraid of losing friends, afraid you don't know for sure what you really want, etc. It'll all come to you with time though, and then you'll be like me and wish you would've just done it more soon.

 

Accepting it was much easier than all the years of pretending it didn't exist, or worrying that someone might see through the facade. I'm generally very compulsively truthful, and that constant dishonesty was almost physically painful at times.

 

Well, to be quite honest... this is something I've never talked about with anyone. I'm deep in the closet you see, and I've always been actually pretty good at concealing this side deep within myself, never letting it get close to coming out...
I wouldn't even think to myself too much about it... but I've always been aware that I'm not exactly "straight" either.
Nowadays, I'm at this level where I know I'm not staight, but I honestly don't think it's a big deal because I've always been so happy on my own... so I guess it wasn't "hard" accepting it, because I always knew I was like this.

 

I never really understood why so many guys felt the need to be such insufferable homophobic pricks, so even when I wasn't sure of myself I knew I wasn't like the other guys.. when it became harder to deny the attraction I was feeling towards guys, it made more sense internally, although I struggled and still struggle with being outwardly authentic.

 

It has not been easy for me to understand, and accept, who I am. I still struggle with my identity. I do have good days (like today) and a lot of days of confusion and frustration. So, yes, it is hard.

 

For me myself, being black and gay, yes it was.

 

For me, yes... yes, yes, yes. It still is. I still struggle even though I came out 12 years ago... but since last year (and living abroad) decided it would be best to go back in the closet. I hardly ever talk about it and I am not yet sure if I will ever fully come to terms with being gay. It's something I rather avoid... hence I don't date (and I definitely do not hook up), make LGBT friends or discuss anything related to being gay.

 

No, it took me forever and there was a whole lot of suppression and denial involved. BUT once I accepted it myself, I wasn't too afraid about what others would think. I judged myself way harder than I ever thought others would.