A question for all parents

I have also posted my problem in the friends and family section but I think I need help from some parents.

My boyfriend of 5 months is the most important person in my life apart from my own parents and I want to protect him in any way I can, mainly from his parents and their parenting style.

The story is that his family (of 5, all 3 children accidents) don't have that much money. He is 17 and still lives at home until he goes to university. In my opinion they are lazy. He works a 40+ hour week (30 at college and about 10 as a waiter) his dad works and his mother is just a house wife yet also makes him do as much as her and babysit with a days notice, even if he has plans, and will force him to cancel them so she can go out. Despite his anxiety and heavy work load they constantly complain at him and put him down because he eats their food and doesn't ask every single time he makes food if he is allowed to use the ingredients (he does 99% of the time). They don't help him with anything money wise and most of his money is spent at college buying his food because his parents give him nothing.

I would be fine with this apart from the fact that they go out drinking every Friday and Saturday and probably spend allot on buying alcohol. Am I correct in thinking that you shouldn't have kids if you cant afford it and if you do, unless you can provide everything needed for them, you should give up basically everything (that's what I would do).

It has gotten to the point where he is scared to ask for things and I suspect that he feels like a burden to his parents. He makes excuses like they both came from poor families and they never got as much as he did but surely if you didn't get much as a child you would want to give everything you can to your own.

He doesn't like when I talk about his family in this way so I have promised never to say anything to them unless he is ok with it. I don't think I can keep that promise. His youngest sister was crying the other night and his mother didn't want to deal with it and thought it was for a stupid reason for crying so she said she didn't care about it until his sister went away. His dad also said that she wasn't allowed to cry or she would get a punishment of some sort (I cant remember what it was as I was trying to ignore it). As far as I know telling a child you don't care about them and making them think crying is bad isn't the best thing to do.

What would you do if you were in my situation?
Am I over reacting?
I may paint it to be worse than it is but I cant help but feel they are wrong in what they are doing.
Sorry if I come across as moody is just I really care about him and feel useless and powerless, its also been building up inside me for a while.

 

Thank You for your advice, it has helped allot.

We are both hoping to go to the same university in the summer so he doesn't have to put up with them for long.

As for if me saying anything will help I'm not sure. His parents are incredibly stubborn and I think they are on a bit of a power trip. The most that I could do is make him more confident in "talking back" and make him more comfortable in standing up for himself because whenever his parents call him lazy and lie about him not doing anything he just doesn't say anything. I have slightly called them out and they just strop off like a moody teenager so I don't think they are used to it.

Any idea on how I could do this and help him be able to stand up for himself without his parents throwing a tantrum? Your advice has been really helpful already.

 

I understand what you are saying. I put up a good front when I'm around them and they all like me. They don't stop us see each other at all and I don't let on much about how I feel.

About helping when it isn't asked for, this is he problem. I think he doesnt want help but not for the right reasons. From what I've seen, he is scared to ask for things because his parents call him ungrateful and never give him help. I think he is scared and doesn't think he has the right to ask or accept it.

I know what you mean about the relationship dynamic and how I won't understand it because I won't. They are a different family. Don't feel like your talking down to me either. That's just a way of being blunt.

We are taking now so Thank you for getting my confidence up to do so.