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I regret it each day. I really regret it. Please help me.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by mt1114, Nov 16, 2017.

  1. mt1114

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    Hello. I’m a girl and I’m 23 years old. I was in a relationship with a girl (M) for the past one year. I met this girl last August.. I was heartbroken at that time because I was ditched by my 1st girlfriend in 2015. My 1st girlfriend was my 1st love. She ditched me because she said that she loved me only as a friend. But I had hope that she would come back, so we stayed friends as sge suggested. But when I met this new girl (M), she made me fall in love with my life again.
    We came to know each other through a mutual friend. We became close and I asked her out in October. I was her 1st love. She loved me too much and that could be seen from her actions. She made me meet her family and friends. My ex-gf came to know about my new relationship in December. She confronted me by saying that she still loves me but she denied it because we had no future together. She even told my new gf that I was stilll in touch with her. Things became complicated but my new gf forgave me and gave me a new chance.
    My ex-gf was calling me everyday and says that she needs another chance. I was replying to her but in a rude manner. But I was unable to do so because she knew my weakness and she knew I still had a soft corner for her. My new gf came to know about it again, yet she forgave me. My new gf told me not to use facebook because she knew that at the end of the day, I would reached out for my ex-gf.
    After a few months, I was about to rebuild the trust that my new gf had on me but she came to know that I had a fake Facebook account and whatsapp account. Since that day, we grew apart. Discussion was always there since the beginning of the relationship but we always solved it but this time no. I even went to spend a few days at her place for her birthday and everything was okay until I came back home. We fought on every single issue. She joined university in August this year. She made new friends and her friends spoiled her a lot. This made me jealous and was afraid to lose her. I was insecure because we were already on the edge because of my mistakes. I used to text her asking where she is etc. She used to like it before but because of no trust now, she felt irritated with me.
    Finally one day she told me that she needed a break from everything. She told me *we must be best friends first because I want to be friends with the one I love. If you show me that you have changed and you are not obsessed with me, I’ll return back to you immediately*.

    We continued to keep in touch and we were meeting each Sunday as we were having course together. I brought her gifts every Sunday and spoiled her in every possible way. But her messages became lesser and mine grew each day. One day she told me *I can’t take it. I consider you as a friend but you don’t. Friends chat everyday but they don’t call. I feel irritated like this. As if you are obsessed with me*. I asked her what to do to prove that it’s false. She told me only text her when necessary. I decided to go for no contact rule but after 2 days I ended up texting her again. She was irritated again and this time she said *let’s talk after 5 days. Don’t worry I will talk to you again*.

    She texted me after 5 days (it was Sunday) asking if I have already reached. I just replied yes. She came and met me but she was on the phone. So I went in the corner. She continued talking. After the course we went different ways but then I was missing her. So I called her asking her to meet me. She came and we talked a bit. She said that I didn’t asked her where she was when she texted me and that I didn’t talk to her when she came. Still, we talked and I went to drop her home in the bus. I asked her when she would talk to me again. She said *next year* laughing it away. I asked if she was serious. She said no. I told her do text me if she wants.


    Since that day, I got no news of her. Until.. She texted me this Monday.. After 24 days.. She wished me happy birthday (the time she use to wake up). I replied *thank you. You still remember?* she read the message at night but didn’t reply.

    I don’t know what to do now. I regret hurting her. I’m ready to do anything. I was thinking of calling a friend of her (her friend is a boy and he knows about me) to ask if he could help me. But I don’t know what my ex has told him about me these days and if the boy would go and tell her that I asked him for help.

    Help. I love her. I realised it too late. I’m keeping hope folks. Because when we broke up, she told me *be the way you were before. Be happy. Take care of yourself. Stop being depressed. With time we must stopped talking to each other. Then we’ll miss each other. There are people get back together after a few years.* I know I messed up but I’m ready to do anything.
     
  2. Sebby45

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    I don't know if you can (not social media savvy), but I would start by deleting those Facebook and whatsapp accounts. Those were the start of your problems it seems. I know it is difficult, very difficult, but I would leave her alone. The more you try to win her over, the more she draws away from you. Maybe having some space between the two of you to let things simmer down is exactly what you need. Just some thoughts.
     
  3. mt1114

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    Well, I don't use any social media anymore. But my friend told me that she is having a facebook account. I didnt try to confirm this.

    Should I take it a good thing that she wished me for my birthday the moment she woke up?

    Well, I have been in no contact rule since 40 days except that I replied her wishes. Should I make the 1st step now or give her more time?

    I really regret what I did. That's why I want to win her trust first.
     
  4. Lynn12

    Lynn12 Guest

    I would take that as a really good sign. I would take that first step and initiate contact. Giving a person time can be good, but you don't want to do it for too long. From the way it sounds, I think you already have her trust. If she is sending birthday wishes, I think she is trying to show that she is wanting you to initiate contact.
     
  5. mt1114

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    I guess this week I shall break the no contact rule.
    Shall I call or send her a message? And also, I don't know what to say to her to start the conversation because I'm unsure if she will continue the conversation by texting me in case I call her or do the 1st step?
     
  6. Lynn12

    Lynn12 Guest

    I think sending her a message would be best that way it gives her time to reply and think out what she wants to say. Maybe try sending her a friendly lighthearted hello and ask her how she is doing? Keep things simple for now.
     
  7. mt1114

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    I was about to send her a message on whatsapp but I noticed something weird. She has no d.p. It's weird since she is someone who use whatsapp more than anything because of her university friends and group chats. Instead of that, I have found she is always active on her mobile skype. Why such a drastic change? When we were together, she used skype only for me.

    This made me overthink and now I don't know on which social media to send her the message.

    On top of that, I'm thinking what shall I do in case she doesn't reply me and just seen my message.