I regret it each day. I really regret it. Please help me.

Hello. I’m a girl and I’m 23 years old. I was in a relationship with a girl (M) for the past one year. I met this girl last August.. I was heartbroken at that time because I was ditched by my 1st girlfriend in 2015. My 1st girlfriend was my 1st love. She ditched me because she said that she loved me only as a friend. But I had hope that she would come back, so we stayed friends as sge suggested. But when I met this new girl (M), she made me fall in love with my life again.
We came to know each other through a mutual friend. We became close and I asked her out in October. I was her 1st love. She loved me too much and that could be seen from her actions. She made me meet her family and friends. My ex-gf came to know about my new relationship in December. She confronted me by saying that she still loves me but she denied it because we had no future together. She even told my new gf that I was stilll in touch with her. Things became complicated but my new gf forgave me and gave me a new chance.
My ex-gf was calling me everyday and says that she needs another chance. I was replying to her but in a rude manner. But I was unable to do so because she knew my weakness and she knew I still had a soft corner for her. My new gf came to know about it again, yet she forgave me. My new gf told me not to use facebook because she knew that at the end of the day, I would reached out for my ex-gf.
After a few months, I was about to rebuild the trust that my new gf had on me but she came to know that I had a fake Facebook account and whatsapp account. Since that day, we grew apart. Discussion was always there since the beginning of the relationship but we always solved it but this time no. I even went to spend a few days at her place for her birthday and everything was okay until I came back home. We fought on every single issue. She joined university in August this year. She made new friends and her friends spoiled her a lot. This made me jealous and was afraid to lose her. I was insecure because we were already on the edge because of my mistakes. I used to text her asking where she is etc. She used to like it before but because of no trust now, she felt irritated with me.
Finally one day she told me that she needed a break from everything. She told me *we must be best friends first because I want to be friends with the one I love. If you show me that you have changed and you are not obsessed with me, I’ll return back to you immediately*.

We continued to keep in touch and we were meeting each Sunday as we were having course together. I brought her gifts every Sunday and spoiled her in every possible way. But her messages became lesser and mine grew each day. One day she told me *I can’t take it. I consider you as a friend but you don’t. Friends chat everyday but they don’t call. I feel irritated like this. As if you are obsessed with me*. I asked her what to do to prove that it’s false. She told me only text her when necessary. I decided to go for no contact rule but after 2 days I ended up texting her again. She was irritated again and this time she said *let’s talk after 5 days. Don’t worry I will talk to you again*.

She texted me after 5 days (it was Sunday) asking if I have already reached. I just replied yes. She came and met me but she was on the phone. So I went in the corner. She continued talking. After the course we went different ways but then I was missing her. So I called her asking her to meet me. She came and we talked a bit. She said that I didn’t asked her where she was when she texted me and that I didn’t talk to her when she came. Still, we talked and I went to drop her home in the bus. I asked her when she would talk to me again. She said *next year* laughing it away. I asked if she was serious. She said no. I told her do text me if she wants.


Since that day, I got no news of her. Until.. She texted me this Monday.. After 24 days.. She wished me happy birthday (the time she use to wake up). I replied *thank you. You still remember?* she read the message at night but didn’t reply.

I don’t know what to do now. I regret hurting her. I’m ready to do anything. I was thinking of calling a friend of her (her friend is a boy and he knows about me) to ask if he could help me. But I don’t know what my ex has told him about me these days and if the boy would go and tell her that I asked him for help.

Help. I love her. I realised it too late. I’m keeping hope folks. Because when we broke up, she told me *be the way you were before. Be happy. Take care of yourself. Stop being depressed. With time we must stopped talking to each other. Then we’ll miss each other. There are people get back together after a few years.* I know I messed up but I’m ready to do anything.

 

Thank you for your replies. It made me feel as if I'm not alone.

Well I'm to be blamed for this situation and I totally agree. I got a few things. As horoscope, she is Cancer (does this mean she still got feelings for me).

She wished me the moment she woke up. Shall I take it as a good thing for still having feelings for me?

I'm thinking of calling her tomorrow to break the no contact rule. But I don't know what to tell her to make her feel at ease so that she then text me to be friends again.

Otherwise I can call her friend (that boy) for help. But what to tell him? How can he help?

Please help me. I don't want to give up. I tried to divert my mind by hanging out with collegues but she is just on my mind. Even while going to cinema, I think of her -.-

Can someone really give me some hope and help me in any possible way?

She is just wonderful. She loved me like hell and I lost someone who loved me more than herself. I won't be able to take it. Please. I'm keeping hope. Please.

 

I don't want to be back with her immediately. I want to win her heart and trust back again. Please help.

 

Can anyone help me please?

 

I have deleted all the social media that I had such as whatsapp and facebook. On top of that, I no longer talk to my 1st ex gf. I love M loads and I have realised it when I have lost her.

She told me not to talk to her for 5 days on 16 Oct. After 5 days, we met. We talked casually. I then asked her when she would talk to me again. She said next year. I asked her if she was serious about talking again next year. She said no. After that, I went for no contact rule and she didn't contact me again.

She texted me this week to wish me. I just replied her *thank you. You still remember?*. She didn't reply.

Shall I take it as if she is waiting for me to make the 1st step?

Shall I break the no contact rule? Or shall I ask her friend for help?

And if I should contact her, what shall I say to her to feel at ease and so that she continue to keep in touch?

 

So I should keep on with the no contact rule and wait for her to contact me by herself?

I haven't contact her after she hasn't replied.

 

I'm working on myself and it's going well. But M is on my mind everyday. Heartache; sad songs; she is always on my mind.

All I fear that she might forget me and doesn't give me another chance, especially when I have learnt a lot from my past mistakes.

I'm ready to wait for her next message. But I fear. I always feared of losing her and eventually, I did lost her. I fear that she is waiting for me and I'm doing nothing. I fear she is losing hope and I'm doing nothing. I fear she doesn't love me anymore and I'm doing nothing. It hurts. Too much. Each day, each night, each morning, each moment I'm working.

 

#sorry I have been a bit too sensitive these days.

 

I know I should be working on myself right now and I'm trying to do so but sometimes, it becomes so difficult. Also, everyday I find something that makes me more depressed.

For e.g today I was going thro her messages on whatsapp but I noticed something weird. She has no d.p. It's weird since she is someone who use whatsapp more than anything because of her university friends and group chats. Instead of that, I have found she is always active on her mobile skype. Why such a drastic change? When we were together, she used skype only for me. This has been for almost 2 weeks but her status on whatsapp could be seen. This afternoon, there was no status as well.

This made me overthink and now I guess she has changed her number.

This discouraged me more and I guess she is over me now.