1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Ever feel too late to the game..?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Xc220, Nov 14, 2017.

  1. Xc220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2015
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Dublin
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Now I know it may seem stupid to say, and while I'm not what would be standard seen as "old" or anything like that, but has anyone ever felt that they are late to the game in terms of accepting that they were gay? I'm 29 and sure enough I always knew that I was gay because I was attracted to males from my teenager years but coupled with so many other problems and things going on in my life, I subdued these feelings and just told myself it was stupid and sure enough there was the added pressure of the family environment with a Dad who wanted a football loving, manly son, and then my brothers who were just all that but I was far from it. Any who, it wasn't until I was 23 that I actually accepted what was and decided to explore the world that I knew I belonged to and had longed to know and understand. In doing so, because I was so inexperienced, I threw myself in to it all and got the experience over the years. But you know as you get older, you sort of change and the NSA world, while great, just doesn't appeal as much and you start to favour dates, getting to know someone and all the sorts. Now while that's great, I just feel that that's the future now. I mean as much as I know I am not old, I am in terms of the gay community. Also, I ain't the best looking in any way and it's really always been my body that has gotten me attention. I keep it up but it's not going to always be so good. I just think how I could have done and experienced so much during my college years and the years after, had I just accepted what I was. I look at younger guys and sad to admit, I'm slightly jealous but it's just because I see that they all started at a younger age and have so much ahead of them. Even the guy I'm seeing now is 3 years younger than me and I think how if he left me it would be nothing to him and when we talk about our pasts, I just feel a bit inferior. Insecurity rearing its head I guess...but like over the past year I was in and out of relationships which was something new for me to do and I even think how that was a waste of time because sure nothing came of it and it's time I ain't getting back and could have used to learn and do so much more. I dunno, I mean it sounds pathetic but I had so much of my life being afraid of people and any sort of attraction interaction and then when I think I've done so well, I hear how others have done it all ling before I started. Anyone else just ever have similar feelings?
     
  2. Biguy45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2017
    Messages:
    1,295
    Likes Received:
    477
    Location:
    United states
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I’m really late to the game. I’m 45. I know I missed out on a lot
     
  3. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2012
    Messages:
    478
    Likes Received:
    178
    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm 29 myself, and feel the same way you do. It's like I'm missing out on something. I'm an introvert and homebody, so I don't get to meet new people, unless it's through friends. So don't feel like you're alone. I think many people on here, and even offline, can relate, regardless of gender or sexuality
     
  4. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2014
    Messages:
    4,175
    Likes Received:
    2,348
    Location:
    U.S.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Xc220...Well...I am late to the game for sure. You see I am 67! But after many, many years of self-hate and depression, I now accept myself. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life...so better late than never. ....David
     
  5. mbanema

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2014
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    MA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yeah, I can definitely relate to this, though I'll say you've put yourself in a much better position than I have. The best time to come out is as soon as you're comfortable with yourself and feel safe; the next best time is right now. You may be a bit behind the normal schedule, but you're making things happen, have some sexual experience, and have someone who wants to be with you. That's really the goal anyways -- the path you take to get there just doesn't matter that much.

    With that said, I totally get it. I'm 31 and have no experience whatsoever and honestly don't think I ever will. I know that is a non-starter for an awful lot of people and it makes me feel incredibly inferior to most people. It sucks. That's not your situation though and I really do believe you're on the right path. I don't think you should focus on "making up for lost time" as I think a lot of that would end up being a regret, just work on being more confident and accepting about yourself and try to put yourself onto a path you think might lead to happiness. Your past honestly doesn't matter that much once you start something new and I don't think it's held you back from doing so thus far.
     
  6. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    411
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out very early (12-14) but at age 27 I still have yet to have any experience with a woman. Sometimes it's not even about being late to coming out. The reason I have no experience has nothing to do with being gay, but because 1) I grew up being sexphobic to the point I thought I was asexual. I don't think I would have been ready at the normal age and 2) I never went to college. I started college for the first time this year, so my peers are a bit too young. I regret not wanting to go to college and missing out on normal social experiences...I used to be a hermit and refused to meet anyone.

    It can happen to anyone, really. All I can really say is that anyone who judges the past isn't worth your or my time.
     
    Lia444 likes this.
  7. fadedstar

    fadedstar Guest

    Yeah I can relate to a lot of this. I informed my parents at 22 (closer to 23.) I still feel unable to put myself out there and I'm 26 now. It frustrates me looking back, there were so many signs and so many opportunities to come out as a teenager. Back then, "gay" to me meant lame or unpopular. And I was already unpopular enough, so I just didn't want to deal with it. Now looking back with hindsight I can see that I probably missed a lot of opportunity. I feel emotionally stunted. In my head I'm still about 19. When I look in the mirror and realise I'm getting close to 30 I just go numb.

    It's like I've had my life on hold for the past 7-8 years, unfortunately the body ages and I can't just pick up from where I left off.
     
    #7 fadedstar, Nov 19, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 19, 2017
    Celatus likes this.
  8. Devil Dave

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 18, 2015
    Messages:
    1,077
    Likes Received:
    305
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I came out at the age of twenty, but I hardly had any sex in my twenties. A lot of people assumed that I was going out and getting screwed every night because, y'know, that's what you do in your twenties. You go around shagging everything in sight. But I didn't live like that. I never liked clubs. I didn't start having sex regularly until I reached my thirties and started using saunas.

    Do I have regrets? Sure I do. But they don't seem to bother me now. I probably could have shagged around more and had boyfriends if I tried a bit harder back then. But what happened happened, and what didn't happen didn't happen. I'm kind of at a stage where I feel like I accept things about myself more now. And perhaps more importantly, I don't surround myself with people who talk endlessly about their sex lives. My sex life is what it is. It's mine, nobody else's.
     
  9. Boudicca

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2015
    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm nearly 26 and I've yet to even kiss someone. And I'm not out to most of my family. You're way ahead of me, it sounds like.
     
  10. Xc220

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2015
    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Dublin
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I have to say it is reassuring to hear you stories and opinions on the matter. The fact that others can relate and indeed can do so in a manner whereby they feel the same, worse or not as bad but can all relate. I think the fact that you guys have mentioned that the past is what it is and with that, my sex life is my own also and that's the aspect I should really focus on. We are all on our path, and while it shouldn't be a case of regrets and past thinking in life, it can be tough because we are human and sure enough we can't help but feel the so called "pressure" that comes with the community and indeed from hearing what others have done. I'll still feel late, but that said, I am playing the game I suppose...
     
  11. kayteaugh

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2017
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Virginia
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I know I'm not as old either but I'm 25 and feel the same way. In a way it was a bit obvious from when I was a child but I didn't understand it until recently. So I barely ever invested my time romantically with guys and never truly understood why I was never interested. Thought I was asexual for the longest time, and then I changed gears and it all made sense. I missed the period where most people have their experiences and now it feels like I missed out. So I completely understand.

    When I was six-seven, I had a best friend who was slightly older than I and whenever she would come over we would "play". It was actually very intimate and if you count it, it was my first french kiss and a lot more... I actually really enjoyed it and we would look forward to seeing each other because of this time together. I forgot about this for a very long time but I do believe this played a significant role.

    I know some relatives suspected before I actually knew myself. When I was in 6th grade, my mom told me she asked one of our neighbors who was a lesbian if her daughter was one too because I was never interested in boys. My grandmother was talking to me about relationships and what not and mentioned, "whether you like boys or girls".... and then my stepmom also asked, "do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?".

    Then I started to realize, I was attracted to women. I really knew when I came across lesbian couples on youtube and actually found myself happy for them. Whenever I see heterosexual couples, I'm just like "eh, whatever." I never pictured myself with a guy. I didn't want to do anything with them. It never interested me, but seeing these girls in relationships it was the cutest thing and I wanted that. I was really interested in their lives. I really started to develop little fan girl crushes and started experiencing what a lot of girls go through their pre-teen years where you just daydream or get overly excited about your celebrity crush and etc...

    I probably didn't know I was until early 20s tbh. I just wish I realized sooner when the opportunity to explore it was ideal. Now I feel out of place.
     
  12. Totesgaybrah

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2016
    Messages:
    992
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I’m 28 and I totally relate. I have very little experience. I knew I was gay when I was 13 but just put it aside until I was 26. It was almost always on the back of my mind for years but somehow I just avoided facing reality.
    I definitely feel regret for not coming out at a younger age and I’m definitely a little envious of the younger generation, they seem so confident.
    I don’t think about it too much and just try to focus on a positive future.