I’d previously posted something fairly similar to this in the later in life forum and got general advice but guess I’m looking for reassurance from a gender point of view. I think I’m FtM but for the purposes of this thread I’ll treat it as a definite. I’m in my 20s and in a professional job. My current main place of work is fairly liberal and think things would be ok within those walls. I’ve actually found a specific policy related to trans people (short but still, how cool is that?). My job is a complicated one though and I am not just in that one place. I am required to go out and work in other places with people in similar roles to me, and I also work face to face with the general public. I’m in a fairly junior position just now which is also a bit of a training role and a big part of it is networking and getting my name known. So, how on earth do you transition at work when you have a job where you aren’t just in an office with the same people? I’m pretty young and inexperienced to have the role I have so I feel I have to fight to be taken seriously at the best of times. I want to be known for what I do, not known because I’m trans. I am aware it is some time in the future as I wouldn’t need to tell work immediately but the thought of it is terrifying me. Can anyone offer some advice/reassurance?
I work retail, which certainly is a different job than yours, but still involves a lot of dealing with the general public and different coworkers (as people come and go fairly quickly here). I was fortunate in that the coworkers I work with most often are all very LGBT friendly. First I told them, then I got my name badge changed. From there, anyone who referred to me as female was corrected and given a short explanation (in the case of similarly close coworkers/management) or simply told I'm a guy and that's that (in the case of customers). The above coworkers helped immensely with this by switching pronouns right off and helping to correct people. I've only had a few people ask questions, and decided to keep it to more surface information. 90% of the people I work with just don't need to know the details, it'd only be good for gossip purposes. Lots of bland "Well, we'll see!" and "I'd rather not talk about that at work, thanks!" For customers who I won't see more than once or twice, I roll with whatever they think-- if they see me as a girl, yeah, that sucks, but I don't want to make a thing of it when I could instead get them out the door and gone forever. Fortunately these days they're few and far between. As you might be able to tell I'm a fairly non-confrontational person. I'm sure most situations I've come across could easily have been resolved with a timely "Uh, actually, I'm a guy..." but since I wasn't really passing when I switched everything over, I was a little scared of coming across the one jerk who would respond "No, you're clearly a girl!" But overall the worst I've had are a couple rude "Are you a boy or girl!?" types, most people didn't even comment and just switched over. I think if you know any coworkers who are allies and would be willing to help you correct people, that's pretty key. I suspect a couple of them in my case did a lot of behind-the-scenes corrections so I wouldn't have to deal with it as much.
i have a very public job, my regional director has been working for months for me, im moving to much less public position in the new year in anticipation of coming out at the end of april. im afraid im not much help with this, sorry.
Yeah I think I’ll just have to sort it with my main work and then just see how it goes with when I’m out doing other stuff. I’m often alone when I do that so wouldn’t have the direct support of colleagues. I’m lucky that my birth name is somewhat neutral although is a lot more common in females. Using that I would probably get away with just seeing what they referred to me as. I do a lot of speaking though and I feel my voice combined with my body shape and size instantly genders me as female. I am also a very non confrontational person so I guess I may just have to put up with being perceived as female in some aspects of work even after I was to come out to closer colleagues.
That’s great your work has been supportive! I feel if I discuss it I might be able to get out of some of the more difficult engagements and I can go periods of time without having to do as much ‘outside’ work away from my main office but I won’t be able to completely avoid it.
one thing i have in my favour is the fact that both the province, and the government of Canada have protections for trans folks so i will have the weight of law in my favour. and ive worked with my director for 20 years and she's really fair but takes no crap on these issues.
Start small and gradually work more masculine peices into your wardrobe. I think you should first start with an androgynous look. Or buy unisex clothing. Uniqlo is my personal favorite. They sell a lot of unisex looking pieces. Just avoid any pieces in the women's section that look form fitting. Other than that, it's hard to distinguish the women's from the men's, shirt wise. I have an androgynous style, and no one has said anything to me. I took classes in an office environment and no one bothered me about my fashion choices. I think you'll be fine. Have confidence. Look at people like David Bowie, Tilda Swinton, and Elly Jackson to give you an idea for what to go for.
