Hi everyone! I wish you all well firstly, -Gay male here x Now, Long story cut short. I am in my early 20s, was bullied all my life, now in university i keep my distance from people, bullying wise i am not suffering from it anymore although i do "exclude" myself a lot of the time, and talk to others on a professional level mostly because in high school i had hell, that was the worst time of my whole life, moving on... my father, who isnt the kindest of people a year or so ago after i was robbed in the street, said "your are a candidate for bullying\scams\being robbed" and when i said why he said "because its just the way you are, thieves can smell it from miles away" he said this after i was robbed at around 3pm in daylight!!! i was walking (stupidly) was my tablet under my arm, it was raining a man ran from behind me whilst i was holding my umbrella a complete stranger and whilst i was walking kept walking with me speaking "oh friend, its raining let me get under your umbrella" and "oh its so cool isnt it" he kept following me, i was so freaked out i kept walking without saying anything, i think i muttered "get away" to myself tho, i knew exactly what he wanted too do, and i kept turning and he would turn, trying to block me, until he grabbed the tablet from me and started running. Months later another guy, that looks like a thug whilst i was walking home from uni, went up to me and starting talking, asking i think for something like "hey can you give me" or "hey do you" and i just ignored them and kept on walking, but it not only annoyed me but put the fright of god into me, on my first year of uni i was walking home and a guy in a hoodie asked "hey can you lend me your phone", i just kept walking, more months later, another guy whilst i was walking up a road said "hey can you tell me" and i kept walking.. Now, i have had an old person ask me for directions twice and i helped them, its different you can sorta suss it out. NOW TODAY!.. just moments ago, and this really fking makes me feel so uncomfortable i just dont want to leave me house, this must be time no.6 at least... I was walking home from university rather satisfied for once lol.. and I noticed this thug like guy on the road coming in the opposite direction, he had a hoodie and just looked like trouble (why the fk cant they just die or something).. anyways, and this really made me feel worse about myself, there was another guy walking like 8 steps in front of me, and he passed the thus and that cunt didnt say a word to him!! but when the thug approached me he started talking, i cant remember what he said because my anxiety sorta was like "his guy is trouble" before anything even happened so i anticipated he wanted to rob me or worse, so he said something no sure what, and i just kept walking without saying anything and i overheard him say "so nothing??" as if to say "no response?" i was so scared he was walking behind me, ready to stab me or push me or something.. I was walking with my rucksack and it had my laptop in it, but he couldnt see it. still what annoys me most is that there was a frickin other person like 8 steps in front of me, and he when he passed by him HE SAID NOTHING, SO I DO have a target on my back! and i assure you all, if u look at me i do not have dyed hair or tattoos or anything that indicates my sexual orientation at all, i am not too thin or fat, im just a regular person. MY QUESTIONS 1- Why do people always see me as a target\why pick me to try and fk with 2- How to prevent this ever happening, when i am walking home it happens -_- yes i am a bit of a loner, i usually walk home alone, not the most social of people, but they dont know that . do they?
Some people are just jerks! If you feel like you're in need of defending yourself I would reccomend taking a self defense class. I know how you feel. I used to get picked on as well. Walk down the street with confidence. The thugs won't likely pick on you.
There is nothing wrong with you. There are just some people out there that can't accept everyone for who they are. And that's their problem. Just keep being you.
You don't act like you belong where you are. You stand too stiff and push down your head like you are trying to hide, pay too much obvious attention to the situation, and general give off your anxiety. The trick is learning to develop confidence in your abilities of passive observation and safety, which self defense classes will greatly help with at least one of and probably both.
Ignoring the threat isn't always the best idea, though. Sometimes you have to confront the other person, although being me, I'm constantly scanning my surroundings and will stay as far away as possible if someone looks "suspect". Perhaps they sense your uneasiness? It would help if you could get someone else to critique how you move when out and about. "Normal" also means different things to different people. I'm on the smaller side, and don't get bothered much (to be fair, I don't go out much, these days, and when I did, was often because a friend begged me to). Still, it helps to avoid shady parts of town, being aware when the bad times are, have a plan in mind.
It is fairly easy to see if a person is not confident. Thugs see this and take advantage of this. It speaks volumes that you don't even say anything back to them. Often they come and probe you just to see how you react. If you appear weak and scared when you interact with them the blood is in the water and the game is lost at that point. These scum don't rob or bully people who look like they put up a fight. The good thing is that it's not too difficult to fake confidence. Learn how to look confident and undeterred. If they come to talk to them, look them into eyes and say for example you are busy and keep going. If they keep harassing you, stop and tell them to leave you alone. However, I think you would tremendously benefit from gaining actual confidence. Years of bullying leaves deep wounds which you should medicate. If you are in a university, the chances are that there is a free or low cost psychologist available for students. Go talk to them about your situation. If they can't help you they can at least point you to the right direction.
That is interesting what you just post, and I think I understood what you meant by saying "It speaks volumes that you don't even say anything back to them" like, if i dont speak back, it means i wont put up a fight. My biggest concern was if I spoke back or made them angry they would want to physically hurt me, or if i engaged in conversation they would think "right the door is open, he took the bate now let me try and push him to a side or distract him to grab his rucksack" i genuinely believed if i stopped he would have managed to grab my bag and run if not worse. After just passing and completely ignoring him I looked back only when i got to the top of the road to not seem scared and he wasnt behind me or on the road anymore, what should I do in the future? for instance should I said loudly "NO!" or loudly "LEAVE ME ALONE" and keep walking without looking back? I could try that. Once I did walk home with an angry look on my face and somewhat fast passed, pretending to imitate a gangster, no idea how it would come across, other than "this guy has issues or is really moody" but thats not me, i do not fit in this world, in fact with or without anxiety I HATE THIS WORLD. Thank you for replying all of you in fact, thank you, I have heard online of "survival of the fittest" and i clearly never was the fittest, im a kind, shy gay guy who just wants love in his love but others have made me very angry, suicidal at a few points in my life, i do not like the world we live in, i dont want to have to prove myself to anyone i just want to work, live, breath, love.
To my experience, if some one is looking for an excuse to start a fight or get physical they will do it no matter what you do. If you ignore they may consider it as an insult and use that as an excuse. If you say something back they could say that was disrespectful too and use that as an excuse. For this reason I think standing up to yourself is always the best strategy. Obviously I don't suggest you start a fight or get physical. I mean express what you feel: it is always your inalienable right to verbally express objection if your rights are being violated. And no sane person can hold that against you. I was pretty viciously bullied in the kindergarten and the middle school and I think I have seen all the thug tricks in the books.
