I need help on comming out but the only person I could trust is my crush

I am currently in love with my closest friend. Well we actually have a group of friends consisting of five people and he is one of them. My love for him started a year ago even though I had been friends with him for three or four years. Lets call him Vince for now.

Vince is the type of guy who is quite touchy. He often lay his hands on my shoulders and often likes to sit beside me which always make me happy. Though even he is a touchy guy, I never assumed he was gay and I always thought that he was straight. He sometimes invites me to his house and hang out but most of the time we were with our other friends from the group. He comes to me when he has problems or when he just need help with something and most of the time he comes to me just to joke around. Sometimes when we have free time we lay down on the classroom floor just to rest for a bit, whenever I'd lay down next to him he'd "hug" me with his leg. Sometimes during weekends or competitions, he'd invite me to go to the mall and eat a meal even though its just the two of us.

Vince has this cute attitude whenever he teases people or whenever he gets teased, which is even cuter. There was also this one time where he saw our girl classmates holding hands again and he told me and our other friend that "Guys lets hold hands too just to tease the girls a little bit." I didn't think it would insult them but I just held hands because I know I like it. So then we were holding hands then our girl classmates saw us holding hands and of course instead of being insulted they just laughed and giggled and teased us a little bit. But what I didn't know is that he was no longer holding hands with our other friend and was only holding mine. He didn't really noticed the sweet teasing but I got quite embarassed so I let go of my hand and tried to explain to the girls.
He used to often hugged me last year but I think he stopped because one time when I was in a bad mood Vince said "Dude all you need is a hug." Then I meanly said "I don't need a hug rignt now." which I regretted later on because I think that made him rarely hug me now. There was also this one time where we had something similar to truth or dear but it would be all questions that mostly contains sexual things. I'd ask the most embarassing sexual questions to answer. While we were playing this game one of the girls asked Vince that "If you were to become a woman, which guy classmates do you want to get fucked with?" He complained about sucha weird question but then answered that would like to get fucked by me. He also loves to teach me basketball which I have no interest in but I just do what he teaches me because it makes him happy.

All of these moments keep on developing my feelings to him but like what I said I assume he is straight because there were alot of evidences too. On valentines day he gave this girl (which is one of our classmates) flowers, chocolate, and they even had a duet. After a week later Vince formally told the girl his feelings but the girl friend-zoned him and reasoned that she must study first and is still not intrested in relationships (The girl is also one of my close friends outside our group). After that he texted me alot on what to do about her and asked for advices (I'm that one guy who gets asked for love advices a lot but even though I never dated anyone)..

The painful thing is that even though I know (or atleast I think) that he is straight, I can never distance myself from him. I started to feel often heart aches after the journalism competition that both of us participated. He was a cartoonist and I was a science feature writer but his contest would start a day before mine. These contests are often long and boring and you would have to listen to long lectures. Well when his event was about to start Vince looked so sad so I told him that "What if I pretend as a cartoonist and go and listen to the lectures with you?" He agreed and was so happy and he even told me that he'd do the same to me when it was my time to compete. Though when it was my event's time he didn't really went to the lectures with me because it finished so fast and he was caught trying to sneak in. When we were waiting for the announcement of the awards, me, Vince and two other older friends talked about the bisexual couple in our school. During the conversation Vince jokingly said to me "Dude I'm bisexual too and everytime we go out to eat with just the two of us I actually considered them as dates. Dude hold my hand again so I'd be flustered." So he took my hand and held it and he acted flustered while we laugh. But then these jokes become funny and make me happy at first but later on I'd be hurt because it was just a joke.

Until now he still likes the girl and he asked me to help him. I was making progress to their relationship but the thing is I'd get heart aches during the process. I always said to myself thag I'm still young and now is not the rignt time to come out but due to the heart aches I feel I felt thag I needed to and Vince is the best person i could trust with the secret. I'm always scared to tell him but sometimes I just itch to tell him. I know that won't avoid me if I tell him but what I am afraid is that I won't get the usual touchy things he do and maybe he might distance himself from me a little bit.

No one has a clue that I'm gay. So should I tell Vince that I'm gay? (or bi still not sure) If so then should I also tell him that I like him?
Please give me an advice but I do not want to distance myself from him I just wanna keep our friendship the same way as before without getting the heart aches.

 

Sorry about the typhos especially at the end I got sleepy while typing.

 

Thanks it actually helped me. And I'm pretty sure he is cool with the LGBT community since he once discussed to me that same sex marriage should naturally be legalized and gave me reasons why. I'm pretty sure we can keep our friendship but I'm not sure if he'd still be all touchy to me after comming out. Maybe I should come out to him. I just go this feeling that if I tell him about my sexuality it would lessen the pressure I get from trying to forget my love for him since he is straight I think. Though some girls told their feelings to him and he rejected them but never changed how he treats them, I'm still afraid that if I tell him my feelings it would be different since we are close.

I appreciate being straight forward since it gives me a clearer answer.

 

Thanks! I decided to come out to him if I have the chance to talk to him in private.

 

Thanks for clearing out that I shouldn't admit my feelings to him yet. I will come out if I have a chance to talk in private since I don't want to do it through text. I'll post the result.

 

So I tried to come out to Vince this day. I can't really find an oppurtunity where we were both alone with each other so I tried writing a note saying that I need to talk to him in private since I can't tell him directly because I can't let the others hear. All of these events happened during a long break in class. I tried leaving the note inside his bag but he didn't notice so I took it again. I then put the note ON the bag this time but he didn't notice again. It looks so cute and funny if you were to watch the scene. Then my final attempt was to put it on his chair and then he saw it but did not opened it and instead he just sat on it (Pretty funny to hear though). Then later I just gave up with the note idea and got moody. So I sat outside the classroom and everyone was noticing I was quite sad and they kept asking "are u okay?" and I'd just reply with a yes. Then when Vince noticed me he immediately asked me "Dude what's the problem" I told him that I'll tell him later since there were people around. Then after a couple of minutes he went home and of course I felt sadder.

When I was home he texted me and said "Dude are you okay? What's the problem?" then I told him "I don't want to talk about in through chat, let's talk about it tomorrow alone." And then he replied "Dude you are making me nervous." So I'll tell him tomorrow but I'm pretty sure he'd ask me that who I like. So if he ever asked me that, should I tell that I like him?

 

So the results...

Me and Vince waited till the end of classes and he asks me while we were alone sitting on the staircase. So he asked me "I So whats the problem?" then I replied "Vince, you'd be surprise about this" he then tried to guess. "Do you have cancer?" he said "No" I said. "You made a girl pregnant didn't you?" I was laughing at his guesses and said "No". Then he guessed "Are you gay?" and I replied "Yeah" then he was like "Ewww!" while laughing then said "Wait really?" I replied him with "Yep, I'm gay. Well actually in between gay and bi." We were both smiling like idiots and Vince said "Ok so lets stop messing around, whats your problem?" I told him that I was really gay and also said "But please I'm not the stereotype gay person who likes to crossdress or act like a girl, I'm still a man who just like men." He was so shocked and said "Dude this was your problem all along? Dude its not a big deal." To be honest he was right, coming out shouldn't be such a problem but if you dig deeper into my problem it was my love for him which stings. Then just like how I expected, he asked "So who do you like? Its Ruiz isn't it?" (Ruiz is another close friend of mine which is also a part of our group, he also wanted to know my problem when I was moody) then I said "Dude no, I don't like anyone in this school." but the truth the person who I like is right infront of me. "Dude no matter what happens, I'm still here for you, we all our. I'll support you for who you are and I'm proud of you for telling so you should be proud of yourself too. Don't worry you will always be my friend and I won't avoid you for being you." Vince said. At this moment I know that our friendship has grown deeper. I told him not to tell anyone and he agrees then Ruiz (My other close friend) walked up to us and said "So what's your problem?" and I said "Fuck you I'm not telling." (Thats how we talk to each other as close friends). Ruiz then said "Thats unfair, only the two of you knows." then I whisphered to him "You are not ready yet." then both me and Vince was laughing while Ruiz was just confused. Vince offered me to go home together with Ruiz which I accepted. As I go home Vince told me that my secret is safe with him. Later at home Vince chatted me and said "Dude you really are serious?" I replied with "Yeah". He then said "I just can't believe it that I didn't notice any signals of you being gay before you came out."

So Vince is the first person I came out too and he also told me to take my time to come out to the others to the group. I like to thank everyone who helped me out with advices or to people who was intrested in my story. I get flustered whenever I remember the scene he was so cute and because of him, I really didn't become that emotional while coming out.

Oh and I almost forgot to say something... I wish he gave me hug

 

For those who thought that the story was adorable, here are some other adorable memories I had with him.
1. He hugged me in a spooning position
2. There was this romantic dance event on a haloween party and he took me to dance with him there
3. Kissed me on my forehead when he asked me for something
4. Pet and rubbed my hair which was so relaxing so I did the same to him
5. Discovered a long white hair on my cheek so he touched it while I can feel his palm on my cheek
6. When he took my hand and rubbed it into his face
7. When he was so embarassed to hold my hand on an activity (He was so cute with his reactions)
8. And when I found this spider and showed it to him, it turned out he was afraid of them and ran away. And when he was so scared of this horror movie while we were watching it, he was scared and was holding my clothes tightly.