It's almost that "awkward" time of year again.

Okay, so I've been not in a relationship with my partner for 6 years now, and this time of year is always the time I dread seeing come. The holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas particularly. Here's the thing, my gf who is openly out to friends and even some strangers has yet to come out to her family, neither side (her parents are divorced), she always insists that we have to go to her fathers house and her mothers house, for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. And let me say it gets extremely awkward. For the most part I have extreme social anxiety to begin with, and it's so bad on these days. Since she has yet to come out to her family it makes me feel extremely out of place going into their homes for their family events, it's like I can feel them staring into my soul. lol. But really, it's awkward. Since no one knows we're in a relationship, it kind of makes me feel as if I'm a tag along, I can't touch her/hold hands/casual jokes/ etc. Oh and did I mention her family are 100% republican on both sides, very conservative, very stuck up, blah. On several occasions I have heard and been told racist jokes, (in which I did not find funny, nor did I laugh) and one specific occasion a couple years ago I heard a gay joke, which also wasn't funny. There's so much to say here I don't even want to write anymore about it, I become a wreck just thinking about it. The thing is, what exactly should I do? I've discussed this with her so many times, but she just obviously doesn't mind my feeling awkward. I keep thinking of all the things I can come up with to skip out on it, but I don't want to lie or have to fake an illness just to be able to skip being around people I am not comfortable being around. And if I straight up refuse to go she's only going to get upset with me. So what the hell should I do?

Also. Not sure if this matters, but she does accompany me on Thanksgiving and Christmas at my familys home, but there's a huge difference. My family knows I'm a lesbian, my family knows she is my girlfriend, and have known since day one, and my family isn't rude or making derogatory comments or jokes. So maybe she doesn't comprehend the awkwardness I feel and being that I have anxiety it probably is worse, but I just wish she could accept the fact that this makes me feel so horrible and really drains me. Really I just don't want to go.

 

I mean really, is it just me or does this or has this happened to anyone else?

 

Okay soooo. I went to her parents' with her to avoid hurting her feelings and having a slight argument. First off I'm going to say this year wasn't as bad as some previous times and the best part, her incredibly racist uncle wasn't there.YAY! I didn't really hear any negative jokes/remarks this year, I am suspicious that her mom may have realized from previous times that I'm not a fan of it & possibly told them all in advance. I am going to say however that I'm super glad it's over for now(there's still Christmas). I would like to add also that I did in fact have a nice conversation with her about how I felt about the entire situation on the long car drive to her parents'. She said she understood and actually suspected it(which I mean she should've suspected it, I'd tried to discuss this before with her). From my comprehension and knowing her for so long I've realized finally what I think is the reasoning behind why she doesn't come out to her parents... I feel like that she may have some parent issues, (she is a child of divorce btw) because she always seems to get touchy and emotional sounding whenever we're discussing anything involving her parents. I feel like she has been seeking this close relationship with her parents for a very long time that she can never seem to get, and she feels as if she comes out to them that they may not speak to her or disown her, which is the opposite of what she has been trying for for so long. That may sound odd, but that is my educated guess.


To answer some of the above questions. No she does not depend on them nor live with them, her and I actually have been living together for the past 4 years and as for them suspecting I believe her mother does suspect, but everyone else seems oblivious or so they act. Also, we do partially spend the holidays with my family, they actually live kind of near our current home. We normally get up super early, go to my families & spend like maybe a couple of hours, then we make the 2 hour drive and spend the rest of the day at her families. I actually just returned home less than an hour ago. As for her response to the bigoted jokes she never agrees, in the beginning she would respond with angry remarks, but once she saw no one cared about her remarks and it continued she just began to ignore the jokes, but I can tell she doesn't it like it either. And also, I want to add too that her mother has actually never made any offensive jokes or remarks, about everyone else though definitely has. I'm not going to lie, it does bother me that she doesn't just flat out be rude and confront them about their jokes and remarks, honestly if it weren't her family setting/event and we where anywhere else I would say something because there is nothing that bothers me more than a person who makes a joke or negative remark based upon someone else appearance/preference/life. It really angers me, I suppose that's why it's so uncomfortable and upsetting for me.

Thanks for the comments, advice, opinions, and good vibes btw guys! I appreciate.