"I don't define myself by my sexuality"

Why?

Men congregate with women. He protects that woman being the alpha male. If need be, the woman he has, he puts his seed/semen inside of her to bear children. Thus creating a family/generation/dynasty.

Women pick men that's the alpha to please her. If need be, the man she has, will fill her womb with his seed to bear children. Thus creating a family/generation/dynasty.

As there are exceptions yes, and as much recently has advancements in medicine have improved, me and you wouldn't be here if it weren't for the above processes.

So I don't blame all these shows that promote straight love. Having women primp themselves up for men by having these beauty and makeup commercials and all these girls concerned with makeup and beauty. Just to be liked and complimented by guys on instragram or whatever. Having men be dogs and hypersexualize women. Have lockeroom or mens room talk about women and how they go to these sports bars that have half naked women as the waitresses.

That's just the way it is, and it's accepted.

Flip the script, and have a queer person try to intermingle with that, it's sadly not the same tune or reception. It's sad.

So therefore I feel you can't use that analogy. As by nature, straight people are allowed to flaunt themselves like that sadly.

I respect your stance. But that's a broad assumption, and I don't think I'm necessarily making broad assumptions like that. Just saying.

I see. I don't necessarily think having an accepting family or not, is even close to reason enough for not defining your sexuality, but whatever.

What school is this? When I was in college before I dropped out, which wasn't that long ago, the guys were not as inclusive and nice like that and real jerks to me and I didn't find the toilet humor jokes about my race or my sexuality funny either.

Being that I'm' a guy, despite being a feminine gay man, I'm still a guy. I usually don't befriend women. Sorry. It's just not something I do. Not that I would be off to female friends, because I wouldn't be.

Well I do. I want a guy to snuggle and cuddle with. I want to be the Disney princess that finds her prince. If I were straight I would be able to be with someone.

I want a guy to travel with and tell jokes with and that there is another gay guy out there that likes me. So I'm not this freak of nature or alien. Like the scene in the movie ET, with ET going through all their shit in their house. That's how I feel.

So I do want to make a big deal of my sexuality and how I hate being alone.

It does, you just don't realize it or care. Even if it didn't, you still owe it to yourself to understand being LGBT is in your DNA and it's always going to be apart of you.

I'm sorry. As much as I don't want to accept it. Technically, I'm on the autism spectrum and if you want to count that as a mental disability, that's fine. So I do understand how you would be hurting on something like that.

But I do blame the fact my weird speaking voice, the fact I line things up, I research on things like classic cinema and music and cars on my autism, sorry. Everything happens for a reason.

But you are allowed to feel that way. I just want you to see the bigger picture.

 

Have some virtual popcorn. (Passes popcorn to Biguy45)

Or anything else you like, it's virtual. If you haven't, you should try some bubble tea.But some actual bubble tea.

(Trying to lighten the mood here)

 

I’d like a bourbon on the rocks with popcorn. Strange combination I know. What is bubble tea. I want to know what it is first. Lol

 

It was originally tea but you can have fruit juice or milk, with tapioca pearls, or you can have jellies or popping pearls. Rose Lemonade is nice, having it now.

 

Not really my taste but thank you for the virtual popcorn

 

You have lots of points, to why you may be upset at his invisibility and issue with relationships, indicating an issue he hasnt tackled with his own sexuality.
Your anger on the other hand, sounds like your venting out on other personal issues that have no relation to this.
All ill say is sexuality does define us, on our interests, likes, thoughts etc One can choose to play the Dont ask dont tell card(which is basically being comfortable with your sexuality but forming another closet to fit into heteronormativeness). From that, its where erasure begins, affirmation of stereotypes that lgbt can change etc Also internalized homophobia comes into play in that picture.
As Suomi was saying, dont be blind that society is fully accpeting of lgbt. Nope they arent. For example bi erasure on twitter juat recently, trans rights, homophobic attacks. The reason one fits in, is because they are playing straight or doing the Dadt. Imagine if you openly expressed your bi,gay interests openly. On dates in the past, interests etc would you anymore get no reactions. Doesnt matter if masc or Fem.
Just because your shutting down topics on relationships from any corner, wanting to be alone forever, then identify as lgbt says you havent dealt with the closet fully. As you carried it with you and caged yourself.

 

Lgbt individuals all have different experiences which vary on age, country, gender, lgbt type and everything else that goes on in their lives.

Therefore, some lgbt individuals will hold being lgbt higher in their list of identities than others.

In regards to my issue with relationships, that has nothing to do with my sexuality. If you must know, it is to do with abuse I faced when I was younger and my now afraidness to be touched ( even holding hands) required for a good relationship I cannot do so, a relationship would not be good for my anxiety (clinically diagnosed as result of abuse and hospitalisation in childhood).

I am also not caged, and I don't struggle with my sexuality. I haven't really ever. I've always known I've liked women before i knew what 'liking people' was and liking men took a bit more time but I was always okay with it. People have always accepted me, always been able to marry who I want (born I'm 1998, turned 16 couple of months after marriage law uk) and I have decided to remove stress by not being bothered by opinions on the internet that don't actually change the way I live my life.

We're all different. You can hold it high to your identity, but it's quite low for me. I've got bigger things to be dealing with and things more imprtant to me or what i hope to be to be my defining line.

(I said calmly).

@Biguy45 - glad you like your popcorn , now sit back and read the show.

 

Terrible on your sexual abuse experience during childhood, so sorry. On lgbt different experiences thats very true but we share one common struggle, a fight to be equal in society and face no fear or prejudice,discrimination,questions, equally to be visible for purpose of mental health which is an important part of every human.
The next lgb fight after gay marriage by many activists is Internalized homophobia. Lets think hard why many are saying this?

 

First of all, I have had a total of five different girlfriends throughout my life span (I am in my late 20's), who I was open about, facebook official with, talked to my family about, and so on. I have never been ashamed of my sexuality, never hid my girlfriends or crushes, none of that.

But I have also never struggled with my sexuality. I never questioned it- I knew I liked girls since I was seven, but didn't have a name for it until I was fourteen. My Mom knew since I was twelve, and other relatives knew since I was fourteen. It is considered normal, every day basic conversation in my household. Nobody ever had an issue with it, nobody in my family ever used heteronormative speech, I joke about my female crushes with family, friends, peers/authority, and nobody ever says anything negative.

Second of all, I did not mean to imply that I have an issue with other people's relationships. If a person, straight or gay, wants to talk about it occasionally, that is ok. What I mean is that regardless if you are hetero or gay, obsessing about sexuality just gets annoying after a while. The gay person who wants to interject gay pride in every single conversation is annoying. The heterosexual who wants to talk about her boyfriend, his dick size, "good sex" and so on in every conversation is also annoying. A straight woman who wants to complain about misogyny in every conversation is annoying too, despite the fact I relate to it.

A good example is this: I am a writer. I love my characters, I love my stories, I love worldbuilding. Sometimes I may get a bit obsessed, but I also realize it shouldn't defining me to the point that I am bombarding my friends with topics on writing 24/7. I have a life outside of it.

Just because I enjoy being single does not mean I am ashamed of anything. I lived my whole life and adulthood with either my parents having input on most of my decisions, or being in a relationship (with the same sex). I have not experienced much independence or freedom, so I am enjoying the part of my life where I get to be alone for a while. If I am ready to date again, I will do so, but it also won't control my whole life. People who enjoy being single are not "mentally ill, ashamed of themselves, or have a problem". If straight people have the right to be single and proud, I also want that right. That's equality.

Stop telling us that we have internalized homophobia. If I have so much internalized homophobia, then how come I have never dated the opposite sex, never slept with the opposite sex, NEVER have been closeted (literally everyone knows and is corrected if they're wrong), never cried over my sexuality, never wished I was straight, never hid anything from my parents or friends, etc. None of these traits resemble an "internalized homophobic" person. The fact I don't define myself by my sexuality just means I accept my sexuality enough and don't care about others opinions on it. I don't spend my entire life thinking about sex, it is very mentally unhealthy to do so. I also don't spend my entire life thinking about the fact that I have chronic pain, so am I internalized "chronic pain phobic?

 

@Destroyed

It was physical not sexual, just bad enough to make me scared of touching.

Most prejudice I face is some lesbians think I'm going to cheat on them. Not going to be botherd by it too much, considering I don't want to date and wouldn't want to date individuals with those beliefs anyway.

Not really fighting a struggle at all, really, in terms of being bisexual. I understand the need for others to though.

(Totally envying @Creativemind way of writing. So structured. If this thread had a like button I would like your message.)

 

I hope you know internalized homophobia is much more complex, its not the simple am crying over my sexuality etc No its the problem with the culture, relationships formed, are they healthy, are they reaching for perfection to extreme to cover shame. Its internalized homophobia is a huge topic.

You can be out and have internealized homophobia, who said its only about closets and being hidden. Its in the quality of life one leads and the roots of it.
On misogyny, homophobia etc I think your bashing people whom are audible to injustices in society and you dont like folks that bring up this issues. Its your right to not want to face this realities but id say dont paint them with a negative brush, for they are the ones who create the change.

Before gay marriage, in the 80's many gay and bi people were against it, the whole am self accepting was still at play. Am out, self accepting but i dont want to be str8t in a marriage, like heteros. It was an unpopular opiniom in the lgbt community.Their life end was sex means lgbt and hooking up. Marriage or serious relationships- hell no.
Still some audible people fought on and gay marriage is reality, which has completely began reshaping the community to stability and healthier living.And now internalized homophobia is constantly being brought up, why. There is a reason. Its end goal a healthier community.
I undertsand you dont like seeing that sexuality defines you but it does, it always has in your rlnship,your fantasies etc

 

I think you are misunderstanding me when I say my sexuality does not define me.

I'm not saying that sexuality is not part of me at all. I'm saying it is not my entire character and that it is not necessarily more important than other things about me. I am a lesbian who is also a gamer, a writer, a reptile lover, an autistic with chronic pain, an overweight person, a psychology lover, a college student. None of these things define 100% of my entire character, but all of them are a part of me. They are just not parts of me that are 100% of the WHOLE of me.

It's the same when I say being autistic doesn't define me. It's not that I deny I'm autistic, and it's not that I deny that autism has changed my life and environment. Saying it doesn't define me has more to do with the fact that I want to be seen as a person and not just an "autistic person". I also want you to be talking about the other parts of my personality, the other parts of my hobbies, and not just sending me 40+ ASD awareness posts as if that's the only thing that matters about my existence.

What I also mean is that my sexuality doesn't define my personality. Being a lesbian doesn't mean I sleep around, love cats, or am a vegan. It doesn't mean I believe in the same things every lesbian does aside from "I like girls".

I never said that I hated when people bring up homophobia or misogyny, it's just that the obsession with it in every conversation is something that gets old. And the reason it gets old is that a lot of times it devolves into bashing men, straight people, or being angry with me because I'm not as riled up about it. People recognize this actually. If a severely depressed person talks about suicide every day, it's culturally considered toxic and harmful to them in their friend group. It doesn't mean that suicide isn't an issue, and it doesn't mean this person doesn't deserve help or isn't allowed to talk about it. It's just that there are limits.

You are also forgetting that there is a huge difference between "just coming out' and "having been out for years". I was also obsessed with my sexuality when I first came out, at 14. That was over a decade ago. Now I have gotten used to it to the point it is normal and mundane. It is the same with heterosexuals. A 16 year old heterosexual girl is going to obsess over boys and sex. A 50 year old heterosexual woman who's been married for 30 years is more likely to stop obsessing over her husband and her sex life, maybe even stop mentioning it all together. It's not because she's sexphobic. It's because she's lived this for her whole life, it's not as interesting anymore.

 

Your personality is not defined by your sexuality. I think they are two different things.

 

Disagree with that.

Being gay, or being openly feminine gay as a man rather, it has sadly made me think twice before entering certain avenues and boulevards and gateways.

 

I definitely think lesbian women vs straight women, gay men vs straight men have different personalities (on average).

 

For me sexuality and personality are intertwined.

 

I don't know if I'd agree. Straight women like different gendered partners than I do, but we have the same personalities outside of that. Also depends on what they're into. Hetero women into femdom or poly remind me of lesbian activist in terms of attitude, while a sexually conservative/modest lesbian can come off like a stereotypical straight woman in behavior.

 

The last bit, where sexuality means sex???
Where some lgbts are obsessed with talking on sexuality, as if the community is about that only. If you hang around your community, you would know lgbt people come equally in bad and good people. Selfish or selfless people. Gamers and non gamers, footblall lovers and those that dont.
On the str8t people 50 years part, really? Is that true? The billionaires clubs,playboys etc for men. Really? On 50 yr old women? Cougars exist. Misogyny is very deep in that thought, as not all women are asexual, there is more to them. Grace and Frankie represent that fact.

 

If you compared groups of straight women to groups of lesbians, I'm pretty sure you're going to get a different vibe. Even a lot of my crushes growing up turned out to be lesbian, but something about their attitude/aura drew me in. They stood out/apart. I'm sure how out and comfortable with their sexuality is going to play a part, too. It isn't always obvious at first glance. Stereotypes are stereotypes, but rooted in truths.

 

I think you're reading too deeply into what I said. Where the hell did I say they disliked sex? I just meant on average, older people stop obsessing about talking about sex 24/7 in every conversation. Some still do the sexual gossip thing, but many start talking about other topics and/or keeping sex lives private. Just like I as an older lgbt person will still talk about lgbt issues ocassionally but will not vomit and plaster rainbows all over my friends 24/7.