So. i am young, but i am questioning. I have identified myself as genderfluid for about a year now. But, i expirience more joy during my female days. I have often found myself wanting to be female. I quite enjoy doing things that are considered "girly". I like doing make-up and hair, and hanging out with females, because i feel more comfortable around them. Ive tried to enjoy doing "manly" things like wrestling, and football and sports, and hanging with other guys, but i feel so different when im around them. I also have become envious of women for their breasts. I used to think i was just aroused by them like normal guys are, but now im not so sure. Ive become jealous. Everytime i take a shower, i feel uncomfortable. I hate taking my shirt off around others because i feel so exposed. Im disgusted by my facial hair and leg hair. Am i female instead of Fluid? Im so conflicted and i would greatly appreciate help.... ~Matt/Macy
It's important to note that feelings and brain wiring are different. Traditionally a transperson was called trans because they transitioned from one gender/sex to the other. The need to do so was based on body dysphoria, an innate and even uncontrollable desire to feel in body what the brain was saying. Experiencing phantom limbs is very common in those that are pervasively trans. Because the gender is hard wired, it's not likely fluid or changeable (Though feeling masculine/feminine at times can and does change for all people). It's important to recognize this, because people can 'seem trans' for many many reasons. Part of it can be nurture, it can be abuse, it can be mental illness crossover (most trans individuals have some form of mental illness, though they are still functioning and often otherwise normal members of society), it can be intense jealousy or passion for the other sex (Many MtF that are only sexually attracted to women are autogynephilic), it can be based on ideology and philosophy; there is really no bounds to how a person can convince themselves, justify or be 'made' trans without fully understanding biology and how reality is. It's hard to say in your situation, since I and others know so little about you. You could have body dysmorphic disorder, you could be a fetishist, you could indeed be trans but on a smaller scale, you could have mental crossover, you could choose/want to be trans, you could be going through puberty right now, you could be old and experiencing a midlife crisis. There are many many factors that go into this. Remember, expression =/= gender (Though expression does play a small part in overall identity). Some women hate their breasts, hate skirts, like hanging out with the boys and love to pull a wrench; but they are still women. Some guys are softer, hate body hair, feel comfortable around women, and they are still very much men. At the end of the day, no one can tell you who or what you are, and to be fair it has little to do with who you are as a person or your heart. There is a strong worship of identity politics and much of it is contrived, but my advice would be to not overthink it and that regardless none of this defines you as a person but would at most be a small part that almost no one else cares about (Not in terms of you as a person). Go to bed each night feeling content as best you can.
It's a complex issue that obly you can answrr for yourself. So, my advice is to take a deep breath, and just think about what you want for yourself. Something that helped me figure myself out was asking myself this: "If you had a magic wand (or ring or hat or whatever) that would completely and irreversibly transform you physically into a woman, would you use it?"
