Situation: Therapy (for hrt) is 20 euros per session (very cheap), I have some money aside but they're enough only at the beginning. I study but don't have a job. One of the reasons (VERY stupid) is that I hate my CV: it's almost empty and I have to sign "female" (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…); and I have to rush, study and graduate this year or I'll have to give the scholarship back (aaaaaaaaaaaaaa… x2). And my physical health is poor. Father always complains about the money he spends for me (for basic needs like house, food, public transport - and he "forgets" aka refuses to pay clothes and medical exams), but he's not the type to kick me out (his advocate probably warned it's still illegal unless I have a proper salary). Mother lives on her own and thinks I'm a jerk and often we don't talk for weeks, but sometimes she buys me things (clothes, medical exams when affordable, extra food). She's homophobic but can't disown me; at most, she might throw my things down from the balcony xD Father knows I need a psychologist for other reasons, but the free one through university has a long waiting list and I'm not being called back for months. However I don't wanna deceive him and pretend that this psychologist is not for gender issues. Plan A: I come out to my father despite still owning feminine objects/clothing and despite being a disappointment and burden to him. I hope he won't complain that I talk to him only to ask money. So he'll hopefully help paying therapy and I hopefully graduate with hrt letter in one hand (yea, wishful thinking) and a properly bravely gendered CV in the other one (despite the misgendering ID card). Mother will think I'm an impious jerk 100% and talk with me no more, yay. Or send me to the priest. Plan B: I study and graduate without looking for a job. Then I look for a job with misgendering CV (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...) for one year, pay therapy, start hrt (yea, wishful thinking), start postgraduation asking university to change my name on student ID. Plan C: I look already for a job with misgendering CV (aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!), pay therapy, come out to parents only right before hrt (yea, wishful thinking). Loose even more physical health in the while due to stress (aaaa-…). Plan D: Like plan A but I ask my father the therapy thing as a christmas gift LOL. Plan E: Like plan D but I ask the gift to be anticipated. Heheheh Plan F: I win the lottery. P.s. yes, I counted the aaaas. They must be always 15. Read them with throat scratching.
Crisalide, I'm so sorry to hear things are like this for you. This sounds like a very complicated and messy situation for you. No one should have to go through stress like this. How much of a risk is it for you to go through with plan A and come out to your father? You mention that your mother might stop talking to you and send you to a priest. I don't know how it is in Italy, but it seems that this might have some fairly serious implications for you. In America, we're a bit more lucky; no priest could have more power than the government, backed by legislature supporting civil liberties and freedom of expression, but I'm worried that, for you, being sent to a priest could have a bigger impact on your life - at least in your relationship with your mother, who seems like she may be a fairly conservative and traditionally religious person. What are the chances of your parents reacting badly - in your opinion - and what kind of impact do you think the results will have on your life? If you're in danger of, say, having no money or no place to stay, then I advise you wait on coming out to your dad, as painful as this may be to say. Your well-being should always come first. if you wait until graduation to get a job, what will happen in the meantime? How do you think your mental health will fare while you are waiting? As I understand it, your only hope, aside from being accepted and supported through your transition by your parents, is to become independent as soon as possible, so you have an opportunity to transition when you want, how you want, after you are finished with college. However, please consider that (depending on what sort of career you are aiming to have) you may find yourself financially struggling after college, and may not have money to transition, unfortunately. Taking all of this into account, what do you think is likely to be the best - and safest - course of action for you? Of course, I understand that there may be no easy answer to this question; if there were, you wouldn't be asking it here. You seem very stressed about all this, and I am so sorry again that you are faced with such difficult choices. I'm afraid the best advice I can give you is to try and remain calm about this, and remember that, one way or another, you will one day be free to do with your life as you wish. Of course, that doesn't mean that others will do what you wish too, and you'll always face the sad risk of alienating your parents, as well as other people around you, like potential employers. Do you know what the state of anti-discrimination laws in Italy is like? I'm worried that, even once you can successfully transition, you may face troubles with companies during your transition. You mention misgendering CVs. I wish you didn't have to worry about things like this, but the sad truth is, in non-progressive countries, even if you can get your CV showing the correct gender on it, companies may not accept you as such. Again, my heart goes out to you for having to go through all of this. You are very brave for considering all of this, and I hope all ends up well for you. Stay strong.
Well, nothing scary could happen to me. I know this priest since childhood and organized religion hasn't emotional impact on me anymore. I'd probably just talk to him and he might say that I'm distancing myself from God but hey, I'm accustomed to criticism from believers for years and survived till now, and didn't become a rebellious atheist yet Lol. The relationship with my mother is already in the realm of disaster, nothing changes if there's another reason, hahah. Father knows I'm bisexual and just doesn't care xD ("So news from this girl...?" - "No she's a ghost") but being bisexual has less impact (also financial impact) than transitioning. Anyway he's more pissed off by supporting me financially in general. But I STILL can't understand how much he's serious and how much he threatens due to emotions of the moment and stress. In the meantime, father will complain about money. I'm accustomed enough to that, but his complaining gets worse every year. Between graduation and post graduation, I might take one year of pause and find whatever basic full time job just to afford house rent and food. Finding a job in my field (after postgraduation) will be completely other thing... I know that I have the right to sign my gender and not my sex IF I transitioned physically, otherwise I don't know the laws. I should ask to the association for transgender rights or to this transgender acquaintance I'm too shy to talk with. Thanks c: I sadly know people who live situations far worse than mine
