Am I agender or just over thinking gender?

In my opinion, I don't think not feeling connected to your gender makes someone not cis. A lot of trans people frame their experiences using language about "feeling like a woman/man/etc," but that's a simplified way of saying it. There's not a singular unifying gender experience that people have. The reason why some people might feel a stronger connection towards their gender is usually if it's something they've had to struggle with, like with trans people, or the poets you talked about. Someone that hasn't really had to struggle with their gender much wouldn't have as much reason to feel that connection, because it's not something they've had to think about as much. It sounds like you're comfortable being female too. From what you've written here, I think you might be overthinking it a bit....just my opinion though, you can label yourself however you want.

 

(hug)

Truthfully, you don't really sound as if you are agender foe the reasons newts wrote above.

I'll try to write a bit about the question of what it means to be a woman to maybe help you find some answers.

With regards to the writers you studied about. Writers typically try to create compelling imagery to draw you into their stories and connect with their characters. This leads to fairly strong gender related representations and narratives. What these narratives do is give you figures to identify with and to a certain extent copy. They are frameworks on which you can build a gender related identity. The problem is that western society right now, discourages women from expressing themselves in ways that are considered stereotypiclly female making these traditional 'role models' not something you feel comforortable with. I find that there is an overwhelming feeling of discomfort when discussing issues relating to gender and trying to figure out what it means to be female. Even what I wrote here is making me feel uneasy. There is a fear of crossing a line and validating the sexism and gender inequality that is still such a huge problem in most countries.

I find that a good way to look at it is to view femininity in terms of freedom of expression and spirit. I see this change in femininity when viewing how my brother and sister in law are raising their children. My nephew is raised according to masculine social norms and my niece is raised with freedom of expression in mind. I believe this reflects core changes in how women are expected to express themselves socially. Think of how what you wrote here might be a reflection of these changes, how you might be using the gender identity of agender to express the freedom of choice that society expects of you and that you, consequently, seek out.

I hope that you found this helpful. I just wanted to add that it was brave of you to reach out to others for answers and I hope that you do find a sense of peace in your identity as a result of your time here.



Eveline

 

Hmm, I don't think every cis person loves their body, nor does every person relate to the experiences another person of their sex or gender has. Okay, so maybe some people would be freaked out to wake up in the body of the opposite sex, but I'm sure others would feel indifferent or learn to deal with it. Not all of them would be trans, either.

You seem to have a good idea of who you are, and don't define yourself by societal stereotypes. It's not necessary to have a label, and I know many AFAB folk who don't. A more important question would be how you related to the definition of being agender? For me, it was relief. Like what you've always known, but didn't know how to word. "It's actually a thing!" If it sounds like alien nonsense, then probably not.

 

sadonohue - I think you'll get many different perspectives on your question depending on who you ask. There's not really any one right or wrong answer, and in the end, I think you need to figure this out for yourself.

The gender revolution has occurred in part as a result of the feminist revolutions of the twentieth century (and really, which are ongoing, even today). Our understanding of gender roles and norms in today's societies are still changing, but I think one truth is this: our expanding vocabulary concerning gender identities and modes of expression is aimed, in some ultimate sense, to deconstruct the conception that there are two constraining modes of gender operation and performance, of which one is assigned to each of us, and expected to govern our standards of behavior for the rest of our lives thereafter, based on our observed biological sex at birth.

It's not just a matter of our knowledge of non-standard physical sex characteristics - various intersex conditions and ranging spectrums within classically defined binary sex characteristics - that have driven this revolution in thought. As I said, the feminist movement has a lot to do with this, and essentially we seek to find ways to stand outside our assigned gender norms, not in spite of, but acknowledging, our biological sex, and to live more freely than our forebears once did. In the late twentieth century, the way to do this was to be a tomboy, to dress "like a man" and act "like a man" without outwardly and openly identifying outside of the gender associated with our assigned birth sex. Today, we might more commonly choose a different gender identity to accompany this mode of gender expression. Identities like demigender, genderfluid, and agender were all conceived with this in mind.

The feminists of old might have argued that this new, so-called genderist way of thinking is diametrically opposed to the original goals of feminism. After all, traditional radical feminism aimed to deconstruct the theory of gender, with associated roles and behaviors, entirely. Modern gender theory - in some sense - instead of deconstructing traditional gender, contributes, in positing that nonstandard, gender-non-conforming behavior demonstrates a positive association with some other gender - instead of encouraging gender-non-conforming women to simply accept their non-performance of traditionally assigned gender roles, without assuming that it implies anything about their gender identity as a whole.

What should you take from all this? I lean more toward the traditional feminist way of thinking, and, if I were you, I'd say I'm a woman who doesn't choose to conform to traditional binary gender roles. However, I think there's something to the modern push for finding a way to identify and express yourself that makes you feel most comfortable, and you aren't hurting anyone by choosing to identify with one of these genders aimed to distinguish from the traditional gender binary - if it helps you mentally clarify your understanding of the way you wish to express yourself, it may well be a useful way to identify.

Some people may find it offensive for you to identify as agender with this level of so-called dysphoria. I think you should do what makes you comfortable at this point in time - but take everything with a grain of salt. Try to be as understanding and open-minded as possible to those who question your choices, though of course you don't have to tolerate people who try to insult you. I think you're at a point in your life where you're asking where you fit in and who you are, and perhaps who you want to be. That's great; curiosity and questioning are natural, healthy parts of being human. But be careful not to make any decisions that you'll end up regretting. Keep that in mind, and I think you'll do just fine.

Hope this helps!