Hi. I am new to this forum. I am a very confused 16-year old European boy/man who thought this forum might help me get real with myself. Here is my story, which I will try to keep as short as possible. I have always felt attracted to girls. I have made out with 6 girls. This summer, however, I made out with a boy who was homosexual. He wanted to take things to second base, which I declined. I was completely disoriented. Was I bi? I knew that I liked it. I did refuse for him to go down on me, though. I was also his first gay kiss, he had recently found out he was gay. I decided to drop the whole things, when I kissed my best friend at a party, very drunk. We both could not care less - still don´t - our friendship is so strong that there is no awkward tension. I made out with 2 boys after that, and finally, last week, I made out with the first guy again. We then went to second and third base. I was completely disgusted by it. I did not like it. I loved the making out, the lips, the kissing. I hated the rest. I liked him. I was really into him. He is cute He is handsome. He is a good kisser, so were the other 3. I think I had a crush on him for a while. Though I never liked handjobs, blowjobs or anything else other than kissing with boys. In fact, I hated it. I would love to do that with a woman, though. Now here is my current situation. I still want to kiss guys, I love making out. I think I am capable of having crushes on women as well as men. I want to kiss girls too. I do not want to go further than kissing with boys. I would go all the way with girls. So, how would I identify myself? Calling myself straight does not feel rightful in my position. A straight person would not have ever even considered going that far with a dude. Calling myself gay is off the table, a gay man would not be attracted to girls the way I am. Now the only option I have left is bisexual. But I feel like a true bisexual would also want to have sex with men, which I do not. I have heard of this term, heterosexual biromantic (or maybe the other way around), which I guess kind of describes my situation, but both bisexual and heterosexual biromantic feel so weird to call myself. What am I? What do I want to be? I do not know. I am not asking you guys to label me, I just would like some advice on how to get to know myself better, and get an answer to this whole story which I am thinking about 24 hours per day. Thanks in advance, LiAd DiEd IAnQu
Hello LADEIAQ! Welcome to EC! Sexuality is about attractions. It sounds like you clearly have romantic and sexual attractions to guys. You wrote that you have attractions to girls, but you didn't actually describe those feelings You also said "I think I am capable of having crushes on women as well as men" which would seem to indicate that you know that you have had crushes on guys before, but not specifically on women. You said that you went to second and then third base with one guy, but were completely disgusted by it. (You indicated that you consider 'second' base to be oral sex. What do you consider 'third base'?) If you were completely disgusted by it why did you let it happen? Were you enjoying it in the moment, but felt disgusted by it afterwards?
Im sorry, I guess I didn't go into that much detail about my attraction towards girls, because there's no question for me as to if they are there. I definitely like girls, I've been having crushes on them all my life. Excuse me for confusing you but I consider second to be handjobs and third base to be oral sex. I let it happen for 2 reasons. I thought that I wanted it and (although in a drunk state) I talked to him about it. I felt a bit weird about that conversation for the following couple of days... Because after I said to him that I wanted it, I wasn't so sure anymore. So 4 days later, I go out, I get drunk, very, very drunk. And in the club, he invites me to go outside with him. I am not sure why I did this, but even though I did not feel completely comfortable; I went outside with him. We went to a secret location and starting making out, which I loved; I could've kept doing that forever. However, he started performing oral sex on me, which felt kind of weird but considering it was dark, I didn't see him and we'll, it's a blowjob, I let that happen. Drunk me felt like it would be weird not to reciprocate, so I (very reluctantly) returned the favour. Not completely voluntarily either, he basically forced his penis down my throat. Either way, I would have never done anything like that sober. No, I was not enjoying that in the moment.
Also, I'm trying to explain; this isn't the case. I am not sexually attracted to men, just romantically.
