Kinda feel alone although busy and don't think I should be dating even though on an app

Hi Everyone,

It's been a little while since I have been on here as life and living challenges have got in the way. I am just wondering if someone can relate to this a little?

So, I work outdoors in a relatively physical job (maintain 6500 plants over 20 Ha on 5 different sites) and I basically work on my own every day and come home to a place on my own although now there are other people around as I don't know how long the work will be going for and so have to stay at a caravan park. Although I don't really talk to them and the one that does I am actually exhausted by as it is constant talking at me about some detailed information rather than just a casual asking how are you what have you been up to kind of thing...?

I feel quite along at times, even though I talk to people around but I never feel completely comfortable with them. Partly it is being a small town and being told that if there wasn't gossip this place would be a ghost town doesn't help.. I really want to stay here and continue the work that I am doing but I still want someone in town I can be completely honest with and not completely freak out that their going to bash me or whatever if they find out my orientation is not as simple as theirs. Although I never really talk about that part of my life anyway except online via apps and things.

So the other issue is I am not stable at all in terms of my living arrangements. I am on the verge of bring broke, bills are piling up and I have just come out of living in a swag at a caravan park as that is all I can afford. I run out of food some days and generally find it difficult to function although I have everything I need for work as that is from a previous project. So I don't really feel like I should want or have friends if I am not financially stable enough to support them in return..? Yet I still really want a friend or 2 completely platonic and some sexual stuff too although that can be different people I guess.

Should I even really been looking at this sort of things? Why I am I still thinking about when I should be looking at getting a form of stable income and accommodation.

I don't talk to my family anymore and I cut pretty much everyone out of my life when I came out to myself and moved to another state 2000kms away. I am living in a small country town which definitely seems to be hard at times for me because it's as if I am expected to know all the background to all these family fueds who to/not to talk to even though I am struggling to keep on top of my own life.

I don't know how much of this makes sense and feel free to ask for clarification please.

Cheers all!

Caecilian65

 

Thanks for the reply! Its been crazy with me putting in as much hours as I can and trying to survive... I'll answer your questions one by one in the next post.

 

So firstly in regards to my job, I like my job because it is my passion. I know my area of work is not reliable and so use my passion for this work to keep me.going. I mean I have been doing similar work since I was 11!

And in relation to the town well, I just don't want to give up on the area as it so much interesting natural history even if everyone in the town doesn't care and keeps on gossiping and all that stuff.

Thanks.for the kindwords TrevinMichael.

It can be a struggle!/Just so much to try and keep on top of... There is no support in this town although I do see a general counselor sometimes but it only seems to help temporarily..

Hope that all makes sense.