Hey everyone, Im not really sure how to start things like this. I always thought that if I come out of the closet, that everything would magically be better and Id become happy and what not, this was not the case. I still felt the rejection, even when everyone supported me. I wonder if its because I wasn't the one who got to come out. Story is, I did not come out to everyone. Going back to 2 days ago, there I was sitting at my bestfriends apartment, watching youtube videos when I suddenly stopped and had a talk with my bestfriend, thats when I had come out to the very first person and she was nothing but excited and happy that she was the first. Later that afternoon we went out to get starbucks and thats when she just kept telling everyone that stopped to talk to us saying, "oh this is my gay bestfriend". I didn't really mind it as these people were strangers and Id most likely never see them again but that didnt stop there. She soon took it to social media "gay bestfriend" "he came out to me first". Did I mention for her to not say a word? Well I did. But yeah it soon got to my friends, family, coworkers, and literally everyone i come into contact with on a daily basis. At first I thought "HEY atleast i dont have to go through the whole awkward moments" but it sure wouldve been an experience. But yeah point is im out and everything I thought about coming out isnt all what it seemed like. There are countless reasons why i could be this way.. i feel lied to, betrayed, confused again about my sexual orientation, rejected and so much more. What happens next?
Hello Teado! Welcome to EC! First of all, your best friend was wrong to violate your privacy and tell anyone else - especially after you asked her not to. We only Come Out to people if/when we feel comfortable doing so. It sounds like you weren't really ready to be fully Out like that. In fact, it sounds like you were just pretty much testing the waters when you Came Out to her. You probably weren't ready to be out to anyone else, let alone you family right now, were you? What do you mean when you say that you still felt rejection even when everyone supported you? Often, as we Come Out, there is a sense of let-down or even anxiety because now other key people in our lives know our 'secret.' This could be part of what you are experiencing. Also, you said that you thought that after Coming Out everything would be magically better. That is another, no uncommon, misconception. What Coming Out does for us is to allow us to be authentic. We can be who we really are, openly without censoring our speech and our actions to continue to hide the secret of our sexual orientation. Don't you at feel at least relieved that you no longer have to 'pretend' to be straight to your friends and family?
Wow, that's really shitty. You told her something in confidence, and she blabs it to the world. If one of my friends had done that to me I'd have wanted to kill them. Not that I'm suggesting murder here, but ya, that's not how friends should behave. Coming out is a personal thing, it's something you need to take at your own pace. What she did was very wrong. Your right to feel betrayed, because you were. As for feeling let down, I get that. I often used to feel disapointed when I came out to people. I think, like you said, I expected some magical change when I did, that things would be somehow better. But for the most part my friends were just like "oh, your bi? That's cool. Now how about that weather we're having." I think because comming out is such a big deal to us, we build it up to be this massive thing in our heads. And when it's not, when things seem basically the same afterwards, it can be kind of disappointing. Hopefully with time the disapointment will go away. It did for me, especially as I started expressing myself in a more authentic manner, and saw that dispite thier initial apathy my friends really are supportive. Anyway, I hope things get better. Like you said, at least now you don't have to worry about coming out anymore, for whatever that's worth. You don't have to hide your sexuality, and can live authentically, so there is a plus there. Hopefully, with time, this turns into one of those shitty at the time, but hillarious later, type events. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this. Hopefully it turns out for tge best.
I am so sorry that someone whom you trusted so much to call a best friend, did that to you. I'm definitely not out but when I told my best friend about my confusion on my sexuality, he was very supportive and has yet to say a word to anyone about it. Hell he won't even talk to me about it unless I bring it up because in his words, "I'm deeply honored you came to me about this and I understand how difficult this must be for you and the last thing I want to do is betray your trust or make you feel pressured into talking about it if you don't want to. I'm here for your when you want to talk, cry, scream, or just out right hit something. I will be here through every step you take in this journey and will beat the shit out of anyone who makes you feel that you are not normal." Your friend was definitely in the wrong and should not have just babble to everyone and anyone about your sexuality. It was not her's to share but yours, when you are ready. As for feeling let down, I can't fully connect with that. I haven't really came out to anyone but my best friend and for me it was relief that I finally had at least one person I could 100% myself around and not hide. I hope things get better for you though and your negative experience turns into something great.
i feel you bro i came out to my mom and she told all my friends and their parents i had not come out to them yet then bam magic i have no friends now
