Hey there! I have been struggling for quite a while with feeling guilty about the way I am. I identify as bisexual and non-binary and recently I got my hair cut in order to be able to express myself a little better. I do however feel guilty over this. This is exactly what I wanted and I love my hair and wearing more masculine/unisex clothing when I want to, but I feel like such a disappointment to my family. We live in a fairly conservative area and frankly, I stick out like a sore thumb. I have one older sibling, and he is everything that my parents could want in a son. He has graduated uni and currently has a full time job and he is thinking about settling down and buying a house of his own. He is quiet, whereas I am very loud and brash and tend to get on peoples' nerves. He never makes any trouble for our parents whereas I have always been a headache for them imo. I love him to bits, but I always compare the two of us and he ends up coming up trumps every time. And my gender expression is another thing you can add to my list of annoyances. My parents have always been as loving and supportive of me as possible and they have never said any of this stuff about me, but I always feel like the black sheep of the family and like I make their life difficult. I wish I could just be "normal" and not be like this. I'm sorry if this is not very coherent and sounds very whiny. I've been going through a rough time lately, and I am finding it very hard to accept myself at the moment. Thanks for listening to me.
It's hard not to compare yourself to others. My parents will sit down and talk about how I'm messed up and will take any chance they get to talk about how great my sister is. What matters is what makes you happy. I'm assuming you're in high school. If I'm right, you won't be in your town for too much longer. You can choose to move somewhere that accepts people of different genders and sexualities and the people who live near you won't matter as much. Sites like this along with therapists and support groups help. Ignore they stereotypes about them. Everyone could use a therapist. They're fantastic.
What's wrong with being the black sheep though? I am the same and I couldn't be further from my siblings. They are all married, with kids and have their own houses. But you know what, I got over the fact that I am not like the rest of them. I am me, and I am doing in life what I want to do and being how I want to be. It has taken me years to accept who I am and I am not letting the views of family change that because I'd rather be happy and who I am than having to feel the need to meet these standards. I know I am a disappointment, while of course my mother would never say so, but we each have one life and that life is ours. At some stage we need to be able to just forget what others want of us and be ourselves and take from this life what makes us happy, not what may possibly make others only accept you. Don't be afraid to be you dude, that's the first mistake. If you're not you, you're lost in this world. If you love your hair and don't mind being outspoken, then so be it. Style that hair and go for it
Have you parents often compared you 2 in childhood? If it's effect you mood so strong I think you should talk to someone about it, friend or familymember you trust completely, psychology or therapeutic, maybe even you brother? Because some people who looks like everything works out for them, may be secretly envious of others people but won't say it because they feel like they can't complain. By normal do you mean like society/tv/internet media expect or tell us to live life? That form of "normal" is overrated and there are surely more than you think who aren't "normal".
Hey there everyone! Thank you for all the advice and support. I'm sorry my reply is so late, school and work has kept me seriously busy. I am thinking about getting a therapist, but I will only get one when I'm 18, as that way everything I say will be kept confidential and they can't involve my parents. I'm still going through a really sh*tty time and my gender identity and sexuality is just adding to my worries. Everything is becoming too much to handle right now By normal I mean what society expects me to be and I have never conformed to their expectations. I was always an outcast/outsider and I've gotten bullied a lot so I have basically no self-confidence or self-esteem. This is probably why I wish I was more like my brother, I really look up to him and he has never had to deal with half the sh*t that I've had to put up with.
