Alright, so I would say I have a good moral compass and I'm pretty sure this isn't awesome but I guess I need some input. So long story short, there's this girl I really like, I asked her out, she said yes, but she now ended up dating someone else instead. I'm pretty disappointed, to put it mildly. Normally I would react to something like this by crying for a bit and generally feeling sorry for myself. I'm feeling plenty sorry for myself but I haven't cried at all and I think that maybe that's because I'm stupidly hoping that maybe they're gonna break up soon anyway, and then maybe I can date her. That's not cool, though! I would never mess with someone else's relationship but even passively hoping for their relationship to fail feels really wrong to me. I mean, even if they do break up that doesn't mean that she'll want to date me. Maybe this is just my way of trying not to be too crushed by this situation? How shitty of me is it to hope that they break up soon? (Honestly, I feel like such a bad person for even thinking like this)
It sounds like this isn't all that different from your normal reaction. It didn't go how you planned and you're upset. You clearly aren't about to do anything drastic about it. I'd say you're being too hard on yourself. It'd be kinda weird if you weren't upset.
I think your reaction is a fairly normal one. You're disappointed that someone you have a strong attraction to stood you up; I'd be feeling like crap too. Something that does give me pause though is that she hauled off and went out with someone else after saying she would go out with you. That was a pretty crummy thing for her to do and it would make me question whether or not someone like that is really worth my time. Obviously I don't know this girl, but this is the sense I'm getting from your post.
Hi, thanks for your replies! I feel a bit less bad about thinking like this now (although it still feels like I'm being a bit of an asshole). @Elendil I get where you're coming from but I'm really not mad at her. From what I understand this other person she's dating now is someone she had been talking to online for a while and only met them for the first time recently. So I guess she was already interested in her and when I asked her out she probably thought that if things with the other girl didn't work out she could still date me. I'm not exactly happy to be someone's backup plan but honestly, I would have probably acted the same way if I'd been in that situation.
OK, that makes more sense. Still, if I were seen as being "Plan B" I'd likely let the person go and find someone else. I guess what you could do is see how the situation develops. However, if it looks like your crush is developing strong feelings for this other girl and it's going well for them, then wish them the best of luck and move on.
If your only hoping they might break up and you are not actively trying to cause a break up I'd say your fine on the moral front. Then again I spend most days wishing Donald Trump would get hit by a bus and I'm sure that's morally bad. I'm not American but I don't want the guy with more power and more bigotry than hitler running a country that big.
Haha, thanks! I definitely wouldn't actively do anything to break them up - that would be horrible! Obviously I want her to be happy and she seems really happy so I think I should just move on. That's easier said than done but I know she'd be sad if there was a break-up and I don't want to hope for something that would make her sad. I think I'll see how things develop and then IF they break up at some point maybe I'm not even romantically interested in her anymore. Who knows. I should probably direct my hopes towards finding someone who actually wants to date me.
The best advice you could receive right now is to move on. If she left you hanging like that is because you were never a priority. It has happened to me before and I have done it to others as well. If you someday you do go out this might change, she could have an interest. But for now try to move on. If it didn't happen, there is most likely something better waiting for you ahead.
