"Everyone's little bi"

IMO, I think even the porn/arousal studies are kind of iffy. There is proof that the majority of women are sexually aroused by all genders and sexuality combinations in porn, but similar studies also show that the majority of women are physically aroused by zoophilia, incest, and criminal sexual acts (even if they find it morally repulsive, I'm strictly talking about vaginal flow) as well. This is because the vagina was physically designed to react to any and ALL sexual acts. It's a biological function that exists to protect women from rape becoming more fatal than it could be. So if the porn studies are proof that all women are "a little bit bi", it would also be proof that all women are a little bit "incesteous, zoophiliac, pro-rape, etc" which does not add up. Men seem more rigid because a penis doesn't react the same way, biologically. It is more mental.

 

I think the majority of the world population is bisexual. To me humans are a bisexual species, like bonobos. This doesn't mean I think everyone is bisexual of course, but I think most people are at least a bit bi-curious.

 

Maybe I'm stretching a bit with my statement; yes I know monosexuals exist, but it's just what I have observed.

 

I think this phrase brings up something import that isn't being addressed. People don't seem to address people who are capable of bisexual feelings, but for practical reasons monosexual. While culture seems to have a good grasp of heteroflexible women, they can't really understand any other -flexibles. Like a lot of lesbians know to be cautious around heteroflexible girls and most people rightly assume she'll most likely end up with a man. But it doesn't seem like straight guys have the same caution around homoflexoble women. They just see them as a "cool bi girlfriend". I also notice people tend to see bisexual girls as heteroflexible. With guys no one can even imagine guys being bi or flexible.

 

That would be nice, if it were true. Most people seem fine calling themselves simply gay or straight, so who am I to tell them what they should do?

I think its important to differentiate between bisexual behavior and bisexual identity.

 

sorry to be naïve, but is that generally the case? that they most likely end up with men and that lesbians are cautious because of it?

Im new to all this, and often get confused by the terminology used. If someone is participating in bisexual relations then wouldn't they also identify as being bisexual? In my case I was confused because I had a sexual experience with a woman that i didnt find arousing or stimulating which made me question my orientation. But then, I'm also in a relationship with a woman (albeit online) and so it just seemed to make sense that regardless of my experience above, I am bi. It just wouldn't make sense for me to be happy in relationship with someone of the same gender if I wasn't. There is a possibility that i'm fluid, but I'm not entirely sure what the difference between fluid and bi is to be honest.

 

Being heteroflexible is not the same thing as being bisexual. Heteroflexible means that you identify as straight (and/or are at least 80-90% straight) but you are open to experimenting/sleeping with a woman. Most of them do end up with men because they are "straight-identified" , not bisexual.

People misunderstand the term fluid, it just means "capable of changing". Like you could like guys more one day and girls more the next. It doesn't even just refer to bisexuality....someone who identifies as bisexual and then 100% straight later in life could also be an example of fluidity. This is why the "everyone is fluid" argument is so annoying. Since fluid =/= Open to everything

 

ahh, understood, thanks for clarifying

 

What do you mean by bisexual relations? Like dating both a man and a woman at the same time? Because there are plenty of especially older members here who have had relations with the opposite sex, but comfortably call themselves gay. Some "gold star" folk might disagree, wonder how that's possible, or whatever, but it is what it is.

It's not about every experience being arousing. It's about where your desires lie. There's a difference between feeling pressured to marry and have children, and that actual heart racing, organic need/want. A lot of straight folk take it for granted, but some of us go our entire lives missing out and not "getting it", because we've shut ourselves off. When it happens, it's unmistakable, and there's no going back.

I've seen some describe fluid as a subcategory of bisexuality, but fluid doesn't specify what. It's also less limiting than "bi-"... Basically saying that sexuality isn't fixed from birth (for some people). People can go most their lives thinking they're one thing, and later find out they're not. I think its more how someone relates to and views their own experiences. Some could go "that was what I thought I was" while others see it all as a part of the same thing.

 

I would say being heteroflexible vs. bisexual is a matter of how reliable or "full" your attraction to a particular gender is. If you're generally only attracted to guys and fall for a girl you're kind of in the heteroflexible category.

So you might be able to be in a happy relationship with her, but if you're looking for a date because you want a date you'll probably only look for guys. If you do end up dating both genders you'll probably not be into the girls you try to date.

Being heteroflexible could also mean that you have a particular kink that involves girls, but you don't have a regular attraction to girls. At some point it's hard to categorize yourself. I guess the best category is the one that serves you the best. In my case at this patricular moment the label gay serves me the best. I only want to date girls at the moment.

But I think my real orientation might be homoflexible. I'd rather not use the label homoflexible because no one really understands it. I can try to explain it all day, but people still see me as a non-lesbian. Most people expect non-lesbians to end up with men whether they're heteroflexible, a regular bisexual or homoflexible. The worst part about being homoflexible is dealing with guys. They all assume I should be flexible towards them.

 

No not at the same time. I was thinking more along the lines of having a sexual relationship, or even non sexual as long as the desire is there, with both genders. Whether that be at the same time or at different times. I view it as the capacity and desire to have a sexual encounter or relationship with more than one gender.

im not entirely sure what label I should give myself, or whether or not I actually care about labels at all. I never had an attraction to women before about a year and a half ago, at least none that I recall or acknowledge. And while I'm very deeply attracted to this woman, on a physical, sexual, emotional and intellectual level (ie everything lol) I'm not sure I'm attracted to women in general, or just this particular woman.

But since recognising and embracing my attraction to her I have found myself looking at other women differently, and recognising their beauty more often than I have in the past. Trying to figure out if they are gay or not, testing myself to see if there is an attraction.

I also find that I have no attraction to men at all at the moment, and haven't for quite some time now. And even when I was attracted to them, it was never overly intense, and sexual relations were always more of thing that I simply did, rather than being a deeply exciting or emotional experience.

So maybe I'm 'fluid'. Maybe gender is irrelevant to me and my sexuality is a reflection of the person i'm with, where my feelings lie, rather than with a gender or orientation. Or maybe I'm gay and only just started to realise or explore it.

It's hard for me to tell because of my lack of experience. I've had two lesbian experiences. One was paid for through a legal service, and I was completely surprised by how little desire I felt and how unfulfilling it was.

At the other end of the spectrum I am very deeply attracted to a woman and have been for a year and a half. The feelings I have for her are like nothing ive ever experienced, intensly passionate. I feel like I'm experiencing love and.... lust, for the first time in my life. But I have also never met her in person, so it's difficult to judge what it will be like when we do. If the way we feel for each other translates to the 'real world'. I'm confident it does, but it's hard to be 100% certain. All I know is I'm madly in love with her.

At the end of the day I'm not sure what I am, or whether or not it really matters ☺️ but If I'm going to adopt a label then bi seems to fit well enough, seeing as I've had relationships with two genders ☺️

 

Hmm, I've seen some folk describe themselves as heteromantic/homosexual, and vice versa. Chip says this is more common when someone hasn't fully accepted themselves and compartmentalizes their attractions (a lot of people in straight marriages justify their desires this way). You also see lesbian members who say "with the exception of guys in k-pop bands" and gay men who say "only one actress I would sleep with..."

It's possible you're fluid. Also possible you're bisexual or lesbian and are still coming to terms with it. Ask a straight women if they're attracted to men, and you probably won't get hesitation! Well, maybe stunned silence, because it should be obvious... As far as experience goes, its bs. People say you can't know until you try, but no one ever tells heterosexuals that. Huge double standards.

Heh, your experience sounds a lot like my first same-sex crush (also met online). All I will say is good luck.

 

Lol I think we need it. I've known her for about two years, been attracted to her for most of that, and dating for a year. Online relationships arnt new to me though, so I'm familiar with their shortcomings and pitfalls. I met my husband online as well, and a boyfriend before that back before most people didnt even knew what the internet was.

I've never dated anyone online through a dating or hook-up site. it's always been a result of an attraction that's formed, generally over a considerable time, through a mutual interest, like a game or community.

But my gf and I have a lot of hurdles, it's is, and is going to continue to be an interesting ride. We live half way around the world from each other, we are inter - racial, come from very different cultural backgrounds, and we don't speak the same language (bless the internet and built in translators lol). But all these differences make it more interesting I think ☺️ ... And challenging lol

Anyway I will stop derailing this thread and let it go back the the topic at hand ☺️