Long story short... There’s a girl I used to flirt with in college. When I asked her out she told me she was straight, but we stayed friends. This year she came out to me and told me she was/is questioning her sexuality, and that she has felt attracted to women for awhile. Later, we were at a semi-private venue and I kept getting odd vibes from her. That same night, she reached over and lightly grabbed my hand, and I pulled away, surprised. After that night she behaved oddly around me, and I thought I imagined everything, or that it was somehow an accident. On the next occasion that we were going to be alone, she asked if any of our other friends were going to be there. I had a distinct vibe that she didn’t want to be alone together. I still have feelings for her, and I regret pulling back from her on that night. I’ve had time to cool off, but now the memory has faded some and I keep questioning whether it really happened or I imagined it, because she has been so “cool” with me since that night. So, am I crazy or not? :0) In all seriousness, how should I approach this topic with her? I know I will regret it forever if I don’t, and I dont want this to permanently damage our friendship.
I think just be honest with her. Maybe she was just hurt by the fact you pulled away or maybe she likes you is keeping her distance because she thinks you don't like her like that and she wants to try and get over her feelings. Maybe you can say you have been going over the memory of that night and you are sorry you pulled away. You really value the friendship and don't want anything to get in the way of that. If she did have feelings for you is that something you would like to pursue?
Possibly. I am fearful of asking her, because I wonder if she tried to hold my hand on purpose, or if it was an accident. I second guess myself a lot, and I’m afraid of sounding like an idiot.
Maybe it was an accident. Perhaps you could just say to her look I'm massively over analyse but I just feel as though things have been a bit off between us and I wonder if I've done anything wrong. I hope not. If she had feelings for you would you be interested Ina relationship?
I would so nip this in the butt. Something like: so you mentioned some time ago you were questioning, how are you feeling about that. Because I would be interested in pursuing something more with you...if you are up for it?
Sorry posted to quick... This way you are only addressing the facts: Your hx of being interested, and her statement to you about her sexuality. You wouldn’t be presumptuous about anything doing that. Save the talking about the iffy stuff for after you guys are into the relationship...
Thank you Mabel! There are other times when she has seemingly flirted with me recently, apart from the time I mention. It all began after she came out to me. I am tempted to question her about her change in behavior because it confuses me. I am unsure what is the best way to ask her without making her defensive. If things were out in the open I would feel better.
My philosophy is stick to the facts and be honest. Behavior can be misleading, especially when a person is trying to figure themselves out. You only know for sure what you might want and that she was questioning. Act on those things and talk openly and honestly, everything else will tease itself out. Acting on mixed signals runs the risk of getting more mixed signals. Life is to short for games even if they aren’t intentional.
You are right, of course. I also dislike playing games. What I need to do is have the courage to talk to her about this openly. That may not be today, but I will get there. I will do my best to take things in stride meanwhile.
