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Feelings for my best mate

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Deano3145, Oct 23, 2017.

  1. Deano3145

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    Hi there really need some advice here.

    So my best mate of 7 years split up with his girlfriend recently and I've been there for him throughout. And I've seen him cry which for him is a big thing. But since then I've started having these feelings for him that I have never had for anyone before, I'd do anything for him. But as far as I know I'm straight I don't feel like this towards any other of my male friends.

    Our friendship is quite close anyway to the degree of we would poke/tickle one another and add x at the end of messages. He's also quite can I as well which I've always wondered about. And as he doesn't drive, I usually take him places he needs to go, especially when he saw his girlfriend and broke up with her. The latest I picked him up from his girlfriend's was probably midnight 30 miles away from where we live.

    So I'm really confused am I straight curious, bi or gay I don't know. As I said I've never had these feelings for someone like this before let alone another guy, it's all new to me.

    But I'm scared of telling him how I feel in case it ruins or friendship. Which would probably destroy me and possibly him as well.

    What do I do?
    Any advice would be greatly received thank you.
     
  2. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

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    It sounds like you have a really tight friendship anyway and spend a lot of time in each others company, but recently he's relied on you more for comfort and kindness and that's probably brought you even closer together. To see him broken and crying probably tugged at some feelings that might otherwise have gone unnoticed. Do you think that's possible? Sometimes, the lines can become blurred when two guys develop a really close and affectionate bond and we've come to know these sort of relationships as a 'bromance'. Maybe something like that is going on between the two of you -- especially from your perspective. What do you think? At the heart of these relationships is a very real and genuine love for each other, but it's a love with a different quality to a relationship and it can become confused. If you haven't been dating for a while yourself, it may seem even more apparent to you, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are gay, bisexual or even curious in a serious and meaningful way.

    To really evaluate your feelings and determine whether there has been a shift in your sexuality, it's probably necessary to look beyond your friendship and ask yourself how you really, truly feel about other men. Do you ever experience any sort of sexual attraction towards other guys? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to date a man? Have you ever fantasised about guys? If the answer is no, I'd suggest nothing has really changed other than the more recent closeness since your mate split with his girlfriend.

    At this stage you should say nothing, because there is no clarity about your feelings. Yes, you love him and care about him and may feel even closer to him, but don't get carried away by the blurred lines.

    If things still feel intense in a few months time you might want to look at it again, or come back to us then, but I would resist the urge to have a deep conversation right now. He is still suffering and hurting and it would be a bad time to introduce more stress.
     
  3. Deano3145

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    Thank you for that 6ouve put a lot of things into perspective for me. I tho k you're right in saying it's probably just a "bromance". I'll take on your advice. Thank you again.