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Do you ever regret coming out?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sharding, Oct 22, 2017.

  1. Sharding

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    This is something I think about a lot, wishing I never had come out to anyone, so I could keep denying it and forcing myself to obey societies norms. I wasn't happy, but heck, I'm not happy now. I don't even remember which one feels worse- being open and unloved, or being locked away and loved.
     
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  2. LittleMouse

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    How long ago did you come out?

    I’m guessing you reached a stage where you felt that being out was better than hiding. As tempting as it can be, hiding is no way to live your life to its fullest. There are examples of stories on here of people who have hidden away for years and ended up in some pretty bad places because of it. Coming out is never easy and the aftermath can sometimes be worse than the coming out itself. I don’t know your situation so I can’t say for definite, but for a lot of people the saying that it gets better does ring true. It probably won’t be this week, it likely won’t be next month and it might not even be this year but this initial situation will change.

    If you feel able to, try and share some more details of what’s going on (either here or on the anonymous forums if you prefer). Then people will be able to try and offer some support more specific to your needs.

    Personally, I hid for many years and eventually came out in my twenties. It was terrifying and I went through a very low phase afterwards, really questioning myself and whether I had done the right thing. I think this is natural, as other people I have spoken to have had the same experience.

    Take care.
     
  3. Lukecetion

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    I am a person who questions pretty much every action I take, every decision I make is questioned endlessly. Strangely enough, I never questioned the fact about being open with my sexuality. I think the reason is that I never viewed it as important or interesting. My sexuality is but one part of what makes me who I am, it is a very minor part of me and one that I wish to dwell too much on about. You will meet people who will hate one part of you, or your entire being, and you will find people who will love that part or all of you.
     
  4. StarRunner

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    It took a long time for me to come out. Even after I did, I realized there was more that I needed to do to be happy. Being out can provide a tremendous sense of relief, but it is really only the first step to finding a lifetime of happiness. I spent so many years livi g in the closet, and when I finally came out, it wasn't a big deal to my friends and colleagues. Family would have to come later.

    Coming out means that you have taken a big step forward. It's an enormous hurdle and it takes a lot of courage to face it. So congratulations on showing you have such courage. I think it's important to think of it as being the first step in an evolving process. Coming out is not the end of the journey, but rather, it is the beginning of a new one. Although it frees you up to be the person you really are, it is still up to you to decide where it will lead from here. None of us really does this on our own. We all need help, support and love in accepting ourselves as would give it to others.

    If you are still feeling unloved and lonely after having come out, perhaps there are more steps you need to take to integrate yourself into community. There are a lot of LGBTQ community centres and helplines which can offer support in connecting you with community resources, counselling, coffee houses, movie nights, coping with depression.

    Also, it's possible there may be other underlying problems contributing to your feelings, such as clinical depression. If you really feel depressed and it's not getting better, I would suggest you see your doctor to talk to them about it as soon as possible.

    Would love to hear more details about what's making you feel this way and how long it has been going on.
     
  5. OGS

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    I'm sort of a worrier and second-guesser but I feel like coming out is one of the only decisions in my life that I've never regretted. It felt so right, so immediately.
     
  6. Totesgaybrah

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    Nope.
    I spent so much time in the closet, it always had me down in the dumps. I used to think about suicide quite often for over 10 years.

    After coming out and having all my friends and family be supportive (I know I’m lucky)
    I would never go back in the closet and I haven’t regretted coming out.
     
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  7. WeirdQueer

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    I regret it as well. I thought I was gay, and told them I was just some weeks ago. But I've been thinking a lot now, and have realised that I'm pretty much trans
     
  8. PatrickUK

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    I have never regretted it. Admittedly, it hasn't been easy going all the way since I came out, but I no longer have to hide or suppress who I am or exist in a mental straitjacket and the overwhelming sense of relief that comes from that is hard to describe. I stopped worrying about societies norms and other people's false sensibilities a long time ago. I refuse to deny myself, disgrace my integrity and skulk around in order to conform.

    Coming out isn't easy and the process doesn't end by telling all. I think some people get the wrong idea about that. After I told people I was/am gay, it was still very much work in progress for me (and it was hard work at times), but telling the truth set the train in motion and committed me to the process of complete authenticity and personal freedom. I wouldn't change that for the world.
     
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  9. Pole star

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    Totally agree.
     
  10. HM03

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    Yup, I feel it.

    Nobody has been outwardly rude to me about being gay since coming out - people have been so much nicer to me about my sexuality since I've been out than when I was in. Honestly I wonder if I came out 8 years earlier if kids would have made my life a living Hell, or if I wasted 8 years making my own life a living Hell for 8 years.
     
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  11. OGS

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    I totally agree with this. I very rarely encounter even more subtle forms of homophobia and then really only from people who don't know I'm gay.
     
  12. Twist

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    Absolutely not. Living authentically is important to me. I'd rather be out and deal with whatever comes my way than closeted and lying to myself and others. Lying is a pain in the ass, and deception eats away at the soul.

    This is coming from someone who was emotionally and physically abused by his father and family throughout his childhood, victimized in a number of ways as an adult due to his orientation, and had more than a good share of trouble come his way along his life's path that could have been avoided if I had not been out.

    I'd still rather be out.

    That said, if I lived in a more intolerant area of the world, I might be more cautious about such things.