Those things friends say to people you meet

I can recall this happening once to me and honestly, that was the last time that it did as well as the last time I hung out with that individual yet alone referred to him as my "friend". This kind of behavior is totally unacceptable and disrespectful also. It should be your decision if you want to share with someone your sexual identity...not for your friend to do so. Just my opinion on the subject matter.

 

I'm sorry but they honestly don't sound like a very good friend. You're sexuality is a part of who you are and only you should decide to come out to people that you meet for the first time. Seeing as you've already mentioned this to him on multiple occasions and they continue to do it, maybe try to be more assertive and really communicate how it makes you feel. If they again choose to ignore this and disregard your feelings maybe try re-thinking if these are the kind of friends you want in your life?

 

Hey ShiftyExtreme,

Honestly, dude, those aren't your real friends. Especially if the first thing that they do is to tell others about your sexuality. Your sexuality is certainly part of who you are, but is doesn't DEFINE you.

Exactly as you said, you are not "the Gay Guy". You are you. And only you.

I may not have any specific 'sage' advice, but I can understand what you are dealing with and how unfair it is. As a Bi guy, I have been in similar situations where people have 'assumed' things about me. In reality, of course, we are just who we are. We aren't 'The Gay Guy' (as in your case) or "The Bi Guy" (as in my case). Our sexuality is certainly part of us, but it's fair of our peers to pretend that THAT is who we are.

You said that you remind your peers multiple times a day about who you are and they just don't get it. I actually understand/"get" that.

I don't know about your own personal situation to any significant degree of detail based on what you have posted here, but I would recommend that you try to rise above the ignorance and prejudice of your peers. Simply by being the authentic "you". Let 'them' deal with the confusion or aftermath that may result from the fact that you are just being 'you'. Honestly, it's not your problem. It's theirs. And if they can't comprehend or accept you for who are... Well, then you are dealing with such a closed-minded society that you need to take (in my opinion) every opportunity to move somewhere much more accepting on this planet.

Love is love. That is a theme that even Christ would have potentially agreed with.

You have to be the person that you are. And being inhibited simply because of your sexuality is, from my point of view, completely unnecessary and assine.

 

One of my best friends has done this to me also, without realizing that it was kind of inappropriate. I met one of her friends/coworkers when we were all going out bowling together, and the conversation was like this:

Me: "Hello! I'm Nadia, it's nice to meet you."

Coworker: "Hi, I'm Grace!"

Friend: "She's the lesbian friend I told you about."

Coworker: "Ohhh, this is her! It's so cool that you're gay!"

I'm just like, really? Is it cool? I'm just being myself lol. I just don't like feeling like I'm some sort of novelty because I'm a lesbian. There's more to us than just our sexuality.

Then the coworker friend decided it was okay to ask me stereotypical lesbian-related questions, some of which were kind of personal, ugh.

 

Yep. Been there. Done that.

Not only do 'LGBTQ-friends' not tend to understand, they also often don't get the 'boundaries'. Beyond the fact that you just are who you are, they don't get to put their additional labels on us - as 'gay' or 'lesbian' in your case. If they can't simply accept us as friends, the they aren't really friends.

In terms of identifying your sexuality to new or mutual friends, that is up to you, not to any of your friends. If any of your friends don't get that, call them out directly. Let them know that it is not up to them to identify your sexuality to anyone else and that you find it personally intrusive and violating if they do so.

 

It doesn't happen often to me, but I always find it kind of weird when people get told I'm gay before I even meet them. I'm genuinely curious how it gets brought up in the conversation.

 

@HM03 Real life example:
I have something to tell you. I just want to 'warn' you that 'x' is gay so you are prepared when he tells you and you can react appropriately.

...

 

I guess so. Its probably because I'm newly out and the loss of control of who knows still feels weird to me.