Am I bi?

First off, welcome to Empty Closets, from the half paniced tone of your post it sounds like your in the right place. This is a great website for asking questions like yours and getting help figuring out who and what you are. Pretty much everyone here is or was in your position at one point, and we'll be glad to help you figure things out. That being said, no one, not here or anywhere else, can tell you what your sexuality is. That's a journey you'll, unfortunately, have to take alone. But by asking questions, getting feedback, and reading about other peoples experiences, you can learn things that can help you on that journey. So with that in mind let's get started.
Let's start by answering your question, yes, in my opinion, you do sound bi. You said you have a crush on a boy, but at the same time get turned on by thinking about kissing this girl. That sound's pretty bi to me. Again, your the only one who can decide if it's true or not, but if you want my opinion there it is. I get your worry that your mind is playing tricks on you. I was worried about that too when I first started questioning. I was worried that I was deluding myself, that I was convincing myself that I was attracted to guys because I wanted to be special, different, or unique. Over time I came to realize that wasn't true, that these attractions were real, and that I really did like guys (and girls but I'm a dude so that's "normal"). It took a lot of soul searching to get to that point, but when I did I found the realization kind of liberating. Not necessarily saying that's where your journey will take you, just wanted to let you know your not the only one to every worry about that.
So now that I've given you my opinion and rambled a bit about my experience, let's get to the part where I help you figure you out. So, like I said, your the only one who can really figure out what's going on in your head. your the only one who can feel your feelings, and so your the one who has to figure out what they mean. That may sound hard, and it is, but it's not impossible. One thing that really helped me when I was questioning was to think about different scenarios and see how they made me feel. For example: How does the idea of kissing a girl make you feel? good? bad? indifferent? What about being intimate in other ways (snuggling, making out, sex) with a girl? How does that make you feel? Do you like the idea of having a girlfriend? Can you see yourself on a date with another girl? Does it feel right? If you look forward into the future, like years from now when your an adult, can you imagine yourself with a woman? If so how does that feel? You don't need to post the answers to these question's here. They're just to get you thinking and exploring your feelings. I would recommend taking some time to think these, and any other similar questions you can come up with, over in a deep way. Your answers to them can really help you decide weather or not, as you put it, your brain is playing tricks on you.
Also, so we're both on the same page. You don't necessarily need to answer yes to all of these to be bi. Bisexuality is a beautiful and confusing spectrum. There's many different ways to be bi, and the way you're bi (assuming that's what you decide you are) and the way I'm bi will be very different. Bisexual does not mean you are equally attracted to both guys and girls. Well, it can, but it doesn't have to. You can be mostly attracted to guys, but also kind of like girls, and still be bi. Same for the other way around. It's also important to note that romantic and sexual attraction are not the same thing. This means that you could, potential, find guys more physical attractive, but prefer dating women, or vice versa. That's all part of the wonderfully confusing package that comes with being bi.
Anyway, I think I've rambled enough. Hope this helps in some way. I know how confusing this can all be, especially when your worried that it's not real and just some kind of trick your brain is playing on you. Hopefully something in my post, and the others that will likely come later, helps you. Good luck on your journey. I hope it leads to a happier and less confused you.

 

As jam93 stated, nobody can "tell you" if you are bi. It's hard because sexuality isn't like other labels that society uses. You know your eye color, skin color, hair color, etc. Sexuality is different because it's a spectrum. Without getting too complicated, there's something called the Kinsey Scale. On one end you have "exclusively heterosexual" and at the other end you have "exclusively homosexual". I'd venture to say most people line somewhere that's not a polar extreme. I personally don't know how to label my sexuality, but I know that i'm at LEAST attracted to the same gender, and are somewhat attracted to women. For this reason, I feel more comfortable identifying as bisexual. Some might yell at me and say i'm really "just gay" and that's okay. At the end of the day, labeling your sexuality is something that you have to be comfortable with, not the way others label your sexuality. It's also important to know that your sexual preferences can shift overtime. Perhaps that's one reason I don't know i'm i'm "really gay" or actually "just bisexual". To make things easier: Who do you see yourself in a relationship with in the future? Just a women? Maybe "gay" is the right label. See yourself with either or? Maybe bisexual is the right label. Think women have attractive features but wouldn't date one? Maybe "straight" is the right label.

It's also important to know that you can be straight and still notice features that others find attractive. I can look at a female that most straight guys find pretty and think "i'm not attracted to her, but I can see why some people might be". If you simply notice that some females have attractive features, but aren't "into" that person, you can still be straight. Any straight guy that says they can't figure out why people like Zac Efron, Channing Tatum, Chris Pratt, and Matt Damon are liars.

 

Hey i just saw your post, do you think you could help me with what im thinking?
I'm a 16 year old girl and i feel so lost. I just broke up with my 1 year long boyfriend when realising i loved him but was never in love with him (didnt feel any lust) . I dont even know if i even liked him very much.
Tbh if im at all gay in some way, i wouldnt mind if i was bi because then i would still like guys and especially for family and stuff so it could be 'hidden' in some way.

Reasons why i think I could be bi/gay:
-I've only got obsessed with female celebrities and fangirling
-I might have had a crush/infatuation with a girl but she's 21(for some reason i only get 'crushes' on girls who are like at least 4,5 years older than me
-I can only read this particular string of lesbian clexa (The 100) fan fiction but i intentionally dont read the smut bits.
-only had crushes on the 'obvious' straight girl types and never on the stereotypical lesbians.
-This new guy likes me but i don't think i like him, i dont know.
-I've only gotten butterflies with my 2 real life people girl crushes.

Reasons i could be straight:
-Never had a crush on a girl my age
-Kissed a girl but felt nothing.
-Only had like 6 but only guy 'sex dreams'.
-Any dreams to do with any of my girl crushes have never been sexual, only like becoming good friends with them.
-I've only felt 'lust' with one guy but that was when i was 13 so maybe hormones hadn't kicked in yet?



I have never told anyone this and i guess i'm only brave enough because this is virtual so i would appreciate your thoughts xx

 

Do you think you could help me?
I accidnewtly tagged the wrong guy before as i dont know how to use this website and it is my first time, sorry x
I'm a 16 year old girl and i feel so lost. I just broke up with my 1 year long boyfriend when realising i loved him but was never in love with him (didnt feel any lust) . I dont even know if i even liked him very much.
Tbh if im at all gay in some way, i wouldnt mind if i was bi because then i would still like guys and especially for family and stuff so it could be 'hidden' in some way.

Reasons why i think I could be bi/gay:
-I've only got obsessed with female celebrities and fangirling
-I might have had a crush/infatuation with a girl but she's 21(for some reason i only get 'crushes' on girls who are like at least 4,5 years older than me
-I can only read this particular string of lesbian clexa (The 100) fan fiction but i intentionally dont read the smut bits.
-only had crushes on the 'obvious' straight girl types and never on the stereotypical lesbians.
-This new guy likes me but i don't think i like him, i dont know.
-I've only gotten butterflies with my 2 real life people girl crushes.

Reasons i could be straight:
-Never had a crush on a girl my age
-Kissed a girl but felt nothing.
-Only had like 6 but only guy 'sex dreams'.
-Any dreams to do with any of my girl crushes have never been sexual, only like becoming good friends with them.
-I've only felt 'lust' with one guy but that was when i was 13 so maybe hormones hadn't kicked in yet?



I have never told anyone this and i guess i'm only brave enough because this is virtual so i would appreciate your thoughts xx

 

Ok, Kaylie first (it's her post so she get's priority):
First off, thanks. Wouldn't say that's the most beautiful thing I've written, but I'll take the compliment regardless. I'm probably not the best person to ask for relationship advice, considering my love life has been mostly romantic flops. However, if you want my opinion, poor as it might be, I don't see anything wrong with showing some interest in that girl. Even if you aren't sure about your sexuality, you seem to like her, and that's what matters in the end. Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Pansexual, they're all just labels we use to try and understand the crazy spectrum of sexuality. In the end it doesn't really matter what you call yourself, you like who you like and that's what matters. So if you like this girl, even if you're not 100% certain your bi, even if you eventually decide you aren't, I don't see anything wrong with at least giving it a try. Just make sure that is what you want, because rejection is an option, and that hurts like hell (I know, I've been there). However, doing nothing can also suck, because there's no better way to make sure someone you like ends up with someone besides you then never making a move (done that too). Basically I'm going to end with the same advice I gave on figuring out your sexuality. Think about it, deeply and be honest with yourself. Do you like this girl? Is the potential for a relationship with her worth the possible pain of rejection? And how would you feel if you didn't at least try, and she ended up with someone else because of your inaction? Hopefully this gives you some idea of what you should do. I hope things work out for you, regardless.

 

Ok Help1211, now you:
First off, welcome to Empty Closets. Sounds like your confused, which means your in the right place. Like I told Kaylie, this is a great place to ask questions and get help figuring your sexuality out, but no one here, or anywhere else for that matter, can tell you what your sexuality is. That's a Journey you'll have to take alone. That doesn't mean you can't get help along the way, that's why this site exists, but it does mean in the end you have to be the one to decide who and what you are.
I could go though and give you my opinion on each thing in your list, but I won't. I don't think that would really help you, because that would just be my opinion, and like I said above, only your opinion matters here. Instead, i'm going to give you the same advice I gave Kaylie in my first post. Sit down and think about your feelings. Really think deeply and don't be afraid of what you might feel. Ask yourself questions and imagine different scenarios, and see how they make you feel. That will help give you an idea of what you truly feel and who you truly are. Here are some examples to help you get started: Do you find men sexually attractive? What about women? How do you feel about being intimate with a guy? what about a girl? This could involve lots of things, including kissing, making out, snuggling, or sex. Do you like all of these for men? Some? none? What about with a woman? How do you feel about the idea of dating a man? How about a woman? Which do you like better? Do you like both? If you look into the future, years from now when your an adult, who do you see yourself with? A man? A woman? Can you imagine yourself with both? Neither? This list isn't necessarily all inclusive, and I'm sure you can come up with more, but it's somewhere to start. Hopefully, if you go through and really think on these, think deeply and let yourself accept how you really feel, it will help you figure out what your sexuality really is. It helped me at least, so I can say it sometimes works.
I'm also going to repeat what I said to Kaylie about bisexuality being a spectrum. That means that the way your bi will be different form the way she's bi or I'm bi. Bisexual doesn't have to mean equal attraction to both sexes. It can, but doesn't need to. You can be more attracted to one then the other and still be bi. Your romantic and sexual attractions can also be different. For example you could be more physical attracted to women, but like dating men better, or vice versa. That's still bi. Basically if you have some attraction to more then one sex, you can be bi, regardless of how strong or what type of attractions they are.
Finally, before I post this, I want to address one other thing you said above. You mentioned that you wouldn't mind being bi, because you would still like guys and you could hide it from your family. I understand that feeling. I had a similar line of thought when I was younger and not ready to come to terms with who I really was. I remember on a few occasions, after masturbating to pictures of men, thinking "well ya, maybe i'm bi or something, but it doesn't matter, because I still like girls so no one needs to know." That didn't work out for me, and I doubt it will work out for you in the long run either. Now, I'm not saying that if you decide your bi, or gay, or a lesbian, or whatever, that you need to come out right away. If your worried about people knowing, and it sounds like you are, there is nothing wrong with staying in the closet till your in a better position. This is particularly important for someone your age, who, I assume, is still reliant on their parents for most things. If you think that there is a chance they might kick you out, or just make your life miserable if you told them, It might be better to hold off. However, if you do decide that your some kind of queer, I think it might be best to find someone, a close friend, a trusted family member, whoever, to tell. It feels really good to have someone to talk to about these things, someone who you can confide in and be your true self around. From there it's kind of up to you who you come out to and how fast. Do what feels right to you, but do something. Living a lie sucks, and in the end it's usually better, both for you and those around you, to be true in the long run.
Anyway I hope this helps. Feel free to post more questions if you have them (preferably in your own thread) and definitely go through and read other peoples threads. that's a great way to get perspective, and get those deep thinking, life analyzing juices going. Good luck on your journey, I hope it leads to you a happier and more authentic you.

 

Hi Kaylie!

I have had this issue too and as annoying as it is and as much as you just wish someone could tell you what your sexuality is, they can’t. Only you can. I am still questioning my sexual orientation but I have come to terms with not knowing yet and it is always fun to explore.
I will say that sexuality is on a spectrum and as well as that you can identify as whatever the hell you want. For example you could be a straight man but feel as though you are attracted to women 95% and men 5%, or a bi-sexual person who is attracted to men 65% and women 35%, now that is just an example and it probably can’t be put into percentages like that but I hope you understand what I am saying.
As I found out myself seeing two people kiss or have sex, whether it be boyxgirl, boyxboy or girlxgirl and getting turned on doesn’t tend to determine anything about your sexual orientation. It is normal to get turned on by seeing two people engage in something like that.
If you want to be sure you want might to try exploring your sexuality a bit more, maybe by asking this girl on a date, or flirting with her a bit, whatever you feel comfortable with.

I hope I helped, even a little bit, good luck! I wish you all the best in finding your identity.

H