I'm struggling a lot right now with Depression in college, and feeling really alone and lonely...things are getting really bad. I need help, and I need friends. I can't do this on my own anymore.... So. I'm inviting others to come vent with me to talk it out, and try to feel less alone.
I feel the struggle. I'm in the process of submitting college apps and I want to come out now so I can apply to colleges with my name and explain my identity, but I don't want to come out to anyone around me because of my anxiety and just general fear. And I'm high key sick of this dysphoria crap. I also have a feeling that all of my friends hate me and I know it's my mental illness talking but it feels so real. I'm just internalizing it all and it's not good. I literally had to take the past two days off because I felt like I was falling apart and now I feel like everyone's mad at me.
I hate college so much! I swear everyday I think about dropping out. I can't concentrate and get shit done because I don't even know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I haven't gone to my English class in 4 weeks and keep trying to get myself to go but it's so hard because all we do is play board games and talk about how we'll be disabled one day. I need to go through a training program and just do something with that because what I'm currently doing isn't working for me.
My life's full of first world problems, sometimes, my dad won't buy me what I want, sometimes I sleep too late, giving my siblings more time than me. Other times my mum isn't around to save me from what is a strange Scandinavia, or maybe I bit my lip, maybe even any of my list of cousins are being annoying and I can't do anything about it no matter how much I wish I could let my short-temper get the better of me. Maybe even I can't find one of my cats in my unnecessarily large house that fits I don't remember how many people if it should even be called a house. Yeah, my life isn't very difficult, and college totally isn't a thing for me.
Hey, HarleyKat. Looks like we're struggling with the same things. I'm not in college yet, in fact I'm not sure what the hell I'm doing with my life. I'm currently just working and trying to get by but it all just seems so difficult. I feel like nothing can cure this emptiness I feel on the inside, and it doesn't help that I abandoned all my friends and I so badly want to reconnect with them but I just can't because my mental illness' are too much for me to handle. 3 weeks into prozac and nothing yet. hang in there.
I know many people you stuck it out until college on the coming out front, and have broken free from it, and have become the selves they wanna be, or are working toward...its not easy, hell no, but they've started being more open, started transitioning, started meeting more people and becoming more confident. It's not a free ticket to happiness, college, but it can help if you know where to look....I struggle with my own cocktail of dysphoria, so I can understand the crippling hold it can have on you too....as for your friends, I can also agree you are internalizing and magnifying your internalized anger and paranoia, and it's making your worries worse. I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and say they'd probably just be more hurt and confused, then out right hating you because of your absence.
I'm sad to hear about your college woes, but I can relate. I have no fucking clue where to go from here other than waking up tomorrow, and getting through that next day, and so on....I've been taking very, very small steps. The fear of failure and no purpose is a scary thing. Holy hell, is it....but you gotta keep trying to at least do the bare minimum on the days you can't get out of bed. Can't go to class? Make yourself do laundry or a bit of homework or take out the trash....small steps.
I'm in college too and I can relate to feeling depressed and having worries. It's a tough time for most people, I bet.
Your life isn't too difficult, okay, but it still sounds like you aren't too content? You doing okay? If you don't go to college, by the way, you aren't going down any bad roads. College isn't for everyone.
I'm sorry you're having a shit time....what can you say to others like yourself without sounding like an empty, sunshine drone? I'm glad you're still working, some people can't even bring themselves out of the dark to do that. I can't sometimes, but I still try. And so are you. You've started on meds, that's great too. And hey, sometimes meds arent for you, maybe therapy instead or both? As someone who's terribly stubborn and pigheaded when it comes to letting others in on my problems, therapy does help. I wish you good luck with your friends. And that I hope you do reconnect with at least a few, at least one....gping through this is a little easier with friends. You hang in there too.
It's definitely tough....especially being a senior and having to do double time to get everything squared away. Not to mention, what you'll do after school, making sure you've got your job and a roof over your head if you aren't moving back in with the parents. Depression likes to put all of those insecurities and worries under Broadway lights and a small screen....but hey, you doing okay?
I'm a freshman that's not too hopeful about the future, especially since it seems like forever to finish (and then the worry I may never get there). I'm not depressed enough to harm myself or anything, but you have constant thoughts about how hopeless some parts of it seems. I can feel you, though. My closest friend graduated this summer and she seems to be doing well, but it may or may not be the case for everyone.
All you can do is go to class and do your work, and take it a day or week at a time....things for yourself too, buy yourself pizzas or rent a movie and stay in, join a club, something, anything to pull yourself up. Trust me, the little things can save your life...they've gotten me this far. I feel so damn hopeless right now, all I want to do it quit and run away....but I've stayed and take it a day at a time. I've talked to people about it too, and made appointments for myself to try and seek help.....you keep trying, you keep breathing, you keep laughing.
Yeah, it helps when I take breaks to play video games or draw....or whatever else I enjoy. Then reality hits you again and it is so depressing. I really hope you make it! You made it so far already.
