im sorry if this is not in the right section. Me and my friend have became really close over this past year and a half. Every time I had a day off, I would go see him and we would hang out. Same with him. We always wanted to hang out with each other and we always have a lot of fun. Around January I developed a crush on him but never showed it because I didn’t want to ruin our great friendship. Two weeks ago I went to his house to hang out but he seemed annoyed by it. Usually he says mean things as a joke to get a rise out of me. He usually acts mad or upset so that he gets attention. It’s hard to explain but I know that’s why. However, he would not stop saying mean things like “why did you come, I thought I told you not too” and “you’re not even my friend” “you’re annoying me.” I didn’t say anything and just let him be but he kept taking cheap shots. So after a while I left his room. An hour later (I don’t know why I waited so long) he came in and said “just playing on your phone?” and then walked out. By then I was fuming. Right when I was going to confront him, his sister came home. I didn’t want her to be in the middle of it. I went into his room and I tried to talk to him about it and he just kept blowing me off and making jokes. Then I got mad and then he got mad and he said he’s “done with me.” I left. We planned a trip a few weeks prior our of town with his family. It was awkward because that night I texted him he just said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be my friend anymore but wouldn’t say. Two days later I met him and his family on our trip. It was too late for me to cancel because I paid for the hotel already. It was awkward. He wouldn’t even acknowledge me. The first night I tried to confront him about it and he just kept saying to leave him alone but kept making jokes about it. It was frustrating because I wanted to fix it and he just kept blowing me off and made smart @$$ remarks. For the 5 days, we barely said anything to each other. Now it’s been almost a week and a half and I haven’t heard from him. Even his sister says he’s being stupid and apologized to me. I’m just mad because he wouldn’t give me a reason. All he said was “he woke up that day and realized he didn’t want to be my friend” but that’s not a good enough answer. Can I get any advice? I tried twice to fix it but he is not taking it seriously. He even made comments that we were never friends. I feel like he started it as a joke but is taking it too far this time. I thought I could get over him but the not knowing why is driving me crazy.
Something similar happened to me when I was 18. My best friend stopped communicating with me and completely shut me out. I tried talking to him, asking him what was going on, but he didn't want to say anything. He started being mean to me, making some nasty comments, trying to pick a fight whenever he had a chance. After few months he decided to be my friend again, but it lasted only for a week, and he returned to being cold and mean. I asked him why he is doing that but he did not want to respond. He once replied that he wanted to protect me. Eventually, after one insult from him, I had it enough and cut him off. A year later he approached me and told me that he missed me, but I did not want to go there, and did only small talk, so we parted. I had a secret crush on him, and it was really painful to be shut out by him like that. I remember texting him soon after he started treating me like that, and then he called me and yelled at me and said that he had made his mind. I cried, alone in the dark of my room. I completely understand your position. But, in time, if your friend realizes that he is wrong and asks to be friends again, you can have him back. If he does not, then, it is his loss. You do not deserve to be treated like that and if that is how he wants to be, the smartest choice would be to simply let him go. There are a lot of other people in the world who I am sure would be more than happy to be your friends.
Clearly, he has had some hidden feelings, or knows about yours, and is trying to distance you from eachother because he is uncomfortable or afraid of them.
Phones broke so there’s no punctuation sorry aha and this is long sorry I’ve recently had something similar with my friend who I have a crush on We used to be really close and although neither of us are openly gay or whatever I feel like he led me on cause we used to be really touching and held hands and things yanoe not like normal straight boy shit. (He started to be less into our closeness and nowadays I think maybe I was too clingy and this confused him maybe cause he just wanted a close friend) Then this year we’ve been hanging around this larger group of friends and we’ve become more distant I tried to talk about it with him and ask him what was going on but he just said we had nothing to discuss We also used to message all the time then he suddenly came out asking why I always tried to have small talk with him and said that we weren’t in a relationship so like shouldn’t always have to talk idk Obviously were not in a relationship but friends chat to each other don’t they cause they’re friends There started to be periods where we wouldn’t talk for like a week even though we go to the same school and see each other everyday and I always felt shitty cause when this went on for ages I couldn’t help myself messaging him to try and just have a normal convo Then now there’s this guy who I’ve always hated now spends like all his time being really close with someone who was supposedly my best mate Some girls Im friends with have always told me how they think he’s changed so much too and become a bit more of a dick like doing drugs and shit nothing hardcore but he always used to hate it when people did them Anyway this year all of this confusion and other things made me really stressed and I got counselling. but didn’t want to tell the counsellor about my friendship issues cause I’m not out and didn’t want to seem clingy or whatever I eventually told my friend that I’m now seeing a counsellor cause whenever I used to try and telll him my depressed feelings he’d think I was joking. He was actually really nice about it when I told him too. Since I told him about it though he’s started to become a lot closer again and I think this is because we understand each other more and he might have realised that I’ve got a lot on my mind atm so yeh I had literally like a whole nine or ten weeks when I was really unsure about how this friendship was dying and I’m still not fully certain but if you know deep down that there are feelings there and a desire to be friends then I say stick at it and you might get through it cause you never know maybe they’re really struggling with something and you just both don’t fully know or understand each other atm Long response sorry ahah
Yea I was like that kid you described at some point in 7th grade, I still have no idea why I did it and I honestly feel so stupid I did it to my only friend I had back then (Of course we are back to normal again now). For some reason I woke up one day and decided to just ignore him and get annoyed by him and eventually said that we were done, he was very confused by my sudden annoyance towards him, asked why i was tired of dealing with him, and I said it was because of him "spamming" me (when in reality it was just him saying hi in steam to make sure I was there), I think around a week later I realized I was being stupid and dropped it. Hopefully he will realize that there is nothing annoying about you and he will go back to normal.
Reading all of these helped. It devastated me that he did this. At some moments in the day I think about our good times we had and it just kills me. But honestly, a part of me feels relieved because i was beginning to be obsessed with him. I thought about him all the time. He had this control over me and I never realized how bad it was. I miss him. I loved the way he made me feel and I also hated it. We have held hands many times and he will lay on me. We have played footsies. Every time I was afraid he realized I liked him, I would stop. Yet when I stopped, he would be the one to start it. I’m starting to think it just became too complex and maybe he wondered where all of this was going. The day before he ended it, he kept laying on my shoulder and lap. We kept laughing over stupid things. We had a great day, one the of best. I think it’s why the whole thing shocked me. I think if he is really done with me, then you guys are right: it is his loss. I’m still hurting but I need to find myself again. I was never like this and I let him get the best of me. Maybe he’s stubborn but I think I tried to make it right two times so now it’s his turn. Am I wrong for thinking this?
No, you're not wrong for thinking this. If he wants to salvage the friendship it's up to him at this point to do it. Hold your head high and walk away. It sounds to me like he also developed feelings for you and that freaked him out so he pushed you away. That's his cross to bear, though, and nothing you would do can fix how he feels. I know it's hard, but I do think you're better off especially if you felt you were becoming obsessed with him.
Ok good. I know he can be stubborn but I can be as well. My friend that saw him the other day said he is quiet and moody. Maybe he is going through something but when he would get like that, he won’t even tell me why. I was just afraid that if I left it up to him he would be too stubborn to save it. But for me, I just can’t try to start another talk and have him make jokes and throw it back in my face haha.
Damn I had dreams about him last night and now I’m sad. I was doing good this past week. He’s been in my head all day now. I can control a lot but not my dreams. I still feel like this is a bad dream and that I will be seeing him soon and that we will play games together. I guess I have to start all over again :-(
man that sucks, I have a best friend that i'm very close to and now that he has a gf and is in school I barely see him anymore and I feel damn near heartbroken myself. I'd say keep him on a back burner just in case he decides to come around someday but don't hang around waiting on him because you still got you're own life to worry about.
So let me tell you sth. i also just have some problems with my bf recently who... i kinda also have a crush on... but yeah my bf, he said he only wants FUN and where i want peace. He came into my life in a sudden and say i am his best friend and do no efforts later on... and when i come clean about my feelings to him, dunno why but... he just become worse... i really feel angry towards him but later... sympathy and sadness... currently i decide to become mean to him to see if he actually would care about this friendship. and yeah. So recommendation is wait it out first.
It is very much possible that something completely unrelated to you caused this behavior so don't take it personally. Also, it sounded like you were spending way too much time with him so in a way this is an opportunity for you to re-balance your social life.
