Hello all, I was born a male and I still live full time as one, but I've always felt a strong desire to be a girl ever since I was a little child. I denied a lot and channeled it through religion and that in turn caused me a lot of shame. I am currently married to a woman, but a commitment like that has taught me that I may not be able to fake the man role in a relationship. I've never been with another man or trans but that's my exclusive interest. I think women are beautiful but I more admire them than am sexually attracted to them. I'm looking to talk to other people who may have been in a similar situation and decided to transition. If you are the type of person who loves helping others along I have lots of questions as I'm still deciding what to do with this new insight.
I feel the same. I've finally reached the point where i can't deny there *is* for sure a boy in my head. But whether i'm transgender or transmasculine idk. The more i experiment with clothes and things like binding, the more i think maybe its trans. Then i question myself - am i really that much of an expert at hiding from myself and reasoning shit away? But then i remember...girls clothes always felt wrong, girls interests felt wrong and i was lucky my mom didn't force them on me, and i periodically wanted to be a boy down there for like half my life. But then i would think that things like pronouns would have always bothered me, not just my name...so idk. So basically i'm in your same boat. What has helped me is experimenting and talking on here. When you feel up to it talk to your wife about it...who knows it could be a make or break but i think she deserves to know. I would want to know if i were her. Are there LBGT groups around you that can help?
You aren't alone. I may be coming from another side of the trans spectrum, but I totally understand where you're coming from. It is definitely a difficult process to accept that you're trans, but just coming here is a great first step. I may not be in a similar situation, but I think that doing your research on transition options, and maybe finding some Youtube channels or stories from other trans women who have transitioned in more similar positions, can give you a bit of insight into how to move forward. Also, maybe experimenting with more feminine clothing and gender expression at first can be a good place to start. I would find a gender therapist too or a local support group if those are safely accessible to you. Anyhow, best of luck <3
I'm near Denver so I know there have to be groups but how do you go about contacting them and how does that process work? So what is your current situation?
I have no idea on how to contact them, sorry. Google? Twitter? That's my guess. I don't have that option - lack of independent transportation and my parent's (read: mostly my mother) would never accept me. I gotta get the eye doctors to clear me for driving before i have that option. And financial independence, which means i gotta finish my degree and climb the ladder a bit first. So it'll be a while before i can be out. I'll explore as much as i can until then, though. For now its okay, cause this is literally the happiest, most confident, most outgoing that i've been in years. Maybe half my life. I will admit i'm not sure enough of anything to even change my signature and gender/seuxal orientation status' on here though...like i'm probably trans, and i'm to the point where i'm willing to admit maybe, but i'm not quite there yet. I'm probably in denial. I will be in denial until i'm standing in front of the mirror all decked out, binding and everything for real, probably.
Hey Kimisabel!!! I gotta kinda go with what Alder said above. Some of the first steps I took was to go on to YouTube to find out more about being trans. Just know that their journey may not be what your journey turns out to be. It's a very personal experience. But that is where I got some basic information, if not a whole lot of courage and inspiration. When you are ready to move to the next step, I recommend beginning to see a trans-friendly therapist. From there, you may find groups in your area that you may be interested in joining. As, far as your marriage, be honest with her. My situation wasn't that I wanted to be with men or other trans people (there is absolutely nothing wrong with that), I just wanted to begin my transition, and relationships with other people just wasn't on my priorities list. It is totally fine that it IS on your priority list, but before you act on any other relationship, I would definitely tell your wife how you feel and what is going on in your life. I hope that helped at least a little bit. Good luck!!! Be well!!
Thanks onlyhuman33. I am going to tell her once I get more confident of what I am with my research. It's already difficult enough and I wouldn't do anything additional to hurt her. That said, she has some suspicions something is up. She's said before that I don't act how guys who are attracted sexually to a girl act and she's asked me a couple of times if I'm gay. She's open minded so she won't judge me for being trans but maybe for just not telling her I thought that was going on
I truly wish you all the best. You're gonna be ok. She is going to be hurt, nothing is going to change that. She loves you and losing you will hurt. I did the same thing to my wife. And it KILLED me inside. As if there wasn't enough internal loathing going on with me. My story is a little different in that I stayed together with my wife. That doesn't sound like that is something you are intending to do(?). So my advice would be keep up your self exploration, but don't drag her a long for too long. That way BOTH of you can start the healing process sooner rather than later. Sending you TONS of good luck hugs!!!
Thanks friend. That's the part I'm still deciding. I'm fairly certain of my transness, but I'm not as sure about my sexuality. I'm into men and trans, but I've never really felt romantic interest for a man. I don't know if that's because I'm not interested that way or if I just haven't allowed myself to think that way. I've become interested in other things I used to feel that way about. I know it will be crushing and I don't plan on it being that long because I want to live my true life. In a weird way, I almost wish we would turn out to be best friends because I care so much about her, but I know sex is important to us both and I really don't think I can fulfill her. She's even made comments that we just feel like really good friends over spouses sometimes.
Hi Kimisabel, OMG!!! We have SO much in common!!! Somethings, of course, are different, but there are a lot of similarities. It's CRAZY!!! I don't know if it's possible to check out some of my previous posts, but I just posted something yesterday about my first post which was almost 2 years ago to the date. Of course if you are able to, I would also encourage you to look up that first post. I think you will see that I know exactly how you are feeling. I hope that you can find some hope in my story, with the understanding that things may not quite workout for you the same way they did for me. I am truly lucky. I am quite aware of how rare my story is. I am transitioning, I get to keep my wife and daughter, and everyone in my life is SUPER supportive, except for my brother. Unfortunately, he is the ONLY person that I have lost in my life. But that's a whole other story. As far as who you are romantically attracted to versus physically attracted to, that may change once you are on hormones. I am bisexual. I have told my wife that if we were to have split, I would go out with guys. But I don't think that I would look for a long-term, romantic, relationship with a guy. I would only see myself with a woman in a relationship like that. But, with estrogen, who knows? All I can say is that I'm glad that I'm not out there looking for love. I hear it's very difficult for trans women. OH!!! and when you start on testosterone blockers, your sex drive will decrease. Mine has decrease tremendously!!! Some women say a little, some say more, but there is a definite decline. So, at least you won't have all that testosterone clouding up your mind while you are trying to find your most authentic self. Hey, If you want to know more about my transition, PM me. I am more than happy to answer some of those questions you may still have. And trust me, I will even answer the embarrassing or difficult questions too!!! If not, be well!! The best of luck!! Hugs!!!
