hey all, I have been having a lot of internal confusion lately as I work to become more confident in my sense of self. That being said I am currently with a man who I have three children with and I am just coming to terms with the fact that I am gay. It’s been a long road leading to this so far and although I’ve come to terms with this myself I am finding it impossible to share this with anyone. I will say it over and over again I’m my head all day long “I am gay” but as soon as I feel the confidence in my head my mouth begins to fail me. I cannot speak or even think of speaking. I know I’m going to have to deal with a lot of pain and heartache when I finally do say it out loud. I just wanted some advice on what my next step should be... any advice is greatly appreciated!! Thanks- Slinkykat
I've been in your shoes (kinda) when I was first trying to come out to myself at first. It felt so FORBIDDEN to admit my orientation that I'd blush to say it out loud when I was alone, although in my thoughts I knew it was true. Your case is really more complicated and I home someone more experienced can give you better insights, but what I'd do is try to spare some time for myself, sit in front of a mirror and watch my mouth as I say "I am gay and proud" or something in that kind. The first step is always to get yourself strong enough to trust in your inner force. After you can say without any trouble what you are, at least to yourself, next step is to find a dear friend you trust and that you know that is not gonna judge or hurt you and tell this friend about your orientation. Regardless of your current possibilities, coming to EC is the greastest step in everyone's lives. I honestly doubt there's a safer place for people to join and speak freely about coming out. Get used to the forum, meet people here and seek all advice you need. I am glad just to be here and spare a few words to you
Thank you it’s good to know that others have been in same situations. I just wish it were all easier. I feel like I am not myself at all, yet I really don’t want to have to hurt the father of my kids or my kids themselves. I almost feel like I’m being selfish. Yet I can’t go on lying about who I am everyday. It’s really depressing.
Well, coming out, at least for me, is baby steps. You need to crawl in order to walk, then start running towards a flight that is your full confidence. Honestly, you are what you think and it is okay not to be sure sometimes of your identity. About your family, the whole deal is to try to grab information about what they think about homossexuality and seek support anywhere else if you think the response won't be good. Unfortunately coming out feels like a little selfish, specially because in the misoginic society we live, they expect from a mother of three to be anything but gay. That's the moment you seek some help, because I'm in the same spot and can't provide any deep information. Lying about who you are to others is for me the first defense we have against a greater evil that might come from people we rely on. Again, baby steps... Be confident to yourself, embrace your orientation and even boost your ego a little bit. You are more than what people lable you: gay, straight, woman, man, mother, young, old... I am sure you are a great person who is also a loving mother, being gay won't erase any of your qualities or make you a different person.
