So, let me give you guys some background. The thing I'm struggling with is my ex girlfriend. You see, before we broke up, she went off to korea for a month and cheated on me with 4 different people, multiple times with each person. Our relationship had been going downhill, but she knew how strongly I felt about cheating. And I still don't understand why she didn't just break up with me before she did all that. I feel like if she had broken up with me beforehand it would be affecting me less severely. This.... it feels like its her just telling me that I'm worthless. But anyways boo-hoo whatever I'm sad and broken up about all that. (Sorry I like to minimize my own pain).That's not exactly what I'm here to talk about. I'm just wondering if I'll ever be able to completely get over this. Despite all that she did to me, I don't hate my ex. I'm just very hurt and very angry. Mostly hurt at this point. But anyways, In an ideal world, I would like to be her friend at some point in time. But the thing is, I don't know if I can ever get over this. I want to, I want to get over this and move on with my life. It's been a couple months now. And I just want it to stop hurting and feeling terrible. And I kinda want to possibly be friends with her at some point in time. Because you know, even if we didn't and won't work as girlfriends, before we were girlfriends we were friends, and you know, it would be nice to have that back. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to look past this. I'm so appalled by what she did with me. She did this with so much disregard to my well being and my feelings. She just selfishly did what she wanted. And she told me that she didn't even feel bad while doing it. It's just so appalling and selfish to me. And I don't understand it I know she would be alright with being friends with me. She's already reached out a couple times, but I've always made sure that I keep a distance, while also not being mean. But I guess the bottom line is I don't know if I'll ever get over this, and if anyone has any insight then that would be great. Also if anyone has any advice on how to get over this then that would be appreciated too. Thanks for anyone who reads this and/or replies.
I'm afraid I don't have any real insight to offer but yes, you will get over this. You might never stop being sad when you think about it because there's no way to make reliving a painful experience feel good, but you'll be a stronger person for having endured it and you will move on to better things and allow yourself to feel happy again. It might take some time and some awful days and nights to get there, but you will get there. That's one of the most valuable lessons I've learned -- that you can overcome anything with time. There have been a few occasions in my life where I've felt like my entire world was crumbling around me and thought I'd never be okay again, but eventually you'll just do what you have to do to move on and live your life.
You won't forget it, but the pain that comes with thinking about it can definitely go away. Probably not tomorrow, but the emotions that are attached to thoughts can definitely be "scrubbed". Alas, not by any voluntary thing you can deliberately do. Just by having some better experiences. It speaks well for you that you want to reclaim the friendship you had before the relationship. But really, you are not obliged to be nice to everybody all the time. I would (if it were me) remain pretty curt for a pretty long time.
Have you spoken to her in depth about how she has made you feel? Maybe getting everything out there might help you or maybe see a therapist or as others have said time is usually all it takes.
Thanks for replying guys We sortof talked about it right after. Like I kinda expressed a little of how I felt to her. I kept saying 'I can't believe you did this to me' lol. But I was kinda in shock at that point. So the real breakdown came a little later. And I did kinda angrily text her once when she wouldn't let me have a board game that she was never going to play again. Everything just kinda came out. I yelled at her about how she was keeping all of the items we co-bought. And I yelled about how she can't even play the fair card because she threw that card down the drain when she cheated on me. It was funny because I never get mad but I was SO MAD that she wouldn't even give me a board game that she doesn't like. It just kinda was enough to put me over the edge. But in the end I got the board game. But yeah I can't see myself wanting to hang out with her for a long time. Things still feel very fresh.
