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Getting closer

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Searching1, Sep 9, 2017.

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  1. leb10

    leb10
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    I think some space for each of you will be extremely helpful. It's so hard to be in a shared space while sorting through such big emotions. I wish you the best and hope the apartment gives you some peace and room for the self discovery you need.

    Thank you for your kind words. Life is just too short to be so unhappy. I had lunch with a friend last week who's soon reaching a decision point in her own relationship. She talked about how she would love for the relationship to move forward but is completely ok if it doesn't. She talked about how she is finally at a point in her life where it feels full - she enjoys herself, her kids, and her hobbies and doesn't need to wait for someone else to decide where they want to be. I think that's it, right? That's the goal- be happy with yourself. It gave me a fresh perspective and I thought I'd share.
     
    #141 leb10, Oct 8, 2017
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  2. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Thank you so much, Mabel! Yes we are in the trenches and I know we just have to keep moving. I do hope separating will allow us to heal and move on through this next phase. I too am optimistic, but of course everything is so terrifying and unknown.
     
    #142 Searching1, Oct 8, 2017
  3. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Absolutely. Thank you for sharing your friend's story. In the end we need to make the decision that will bring us the most fulfillment and happiness. I grew up in a family and religion that did not view divorce as an option, so I do still feel guilt of giving up. But we have to make decisions for our own selves. And you are right, living in the drama with each other is so exhausting and triggering. We both need space.
     
    #143 Searching1, Oct 8, 2017
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  4. Leela80

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    Sorry I have no advice to give since you are ahead of me. But I’m cheering for you!
     
    #144 Leela80, Oct 8, 2017
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  5. NeonSocks

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    I have spent two nights in my new apartment and I can tell you that the separation has helped tremendously. Just being in a new space, by myself, has allowed me to focus on me and the things I want. Its liberating if nothing else. I know you are going through a lot right now, but I agree with the others in that some separation might turn out to be good for both of you in the long run.
     
    #145 NeonSocks, Oct 9, 2017
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  6. leb10

    leb10
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    Hey Searching1- just checking in on you
     
    #146 leb10, Oct 9, 2017
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  7. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Thanks so much @NeonSocks and @leb10. I just signed for an apartment and I move in on Saturday. It's so scary and a little sad looking at the reality of a crappy apartment after just moving into our nice home. But I still feel good about the decision.

    Neonsocks I am so glad you feel more clear-minded. I really think it is exactly what I need. I have a feeling I am going to be just fine.
     
    #147 Searching1, Oct 9, 2017
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  8. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Holy crap guys!! I just found an old entry from college 10 years ago that I have no memory writing! I CANNOT believe how far I came in coming out to myself yet somehow successfully repressed it all. This is the most validating thing. I am stunned yet buzzing with how real this all is.

    image1.JPG
     
    #148 Searching1, Oct 9, 2017
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  9. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Wow that is amazing.
     
    #149 silverhalo, Oct 9, 2017
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  10. OED27x

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    Wow, I'm checking in and both @NeonSocks and @Searching1 are progressing to the point of moving out.

    It is quite a journey. You both are so brave.

    It's been several months of my husband and I separated.

    I just want to tell both of y'all, there will be good, amazing days. And there will also be awful, doubtful, dark days. I'm still having mine and expect them to come for a long time still.

    Recently I had a talk with my husband and he told me he was happier now. That was quite a lot to hear. Sad to hear? Yes. Will allow me to finally fully let go? Yes, I think so.
     
    #150 OED27x, Oct 10, 2017
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  11. NeonSocks

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    Thank you! We are all brave! Anyone going through this journey is brave and amazing in their own right. I am still unpacking all my belongings and its like each new box brings with it some pang of guilt, but also some relief that I am no longer stuck waiting to make a decision.
     
    #151 NeonSocks, Oct 10, 2017
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  12. Searching1

    Searching1
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    @OED27x thank you!! That is reassuring to hear. I agree, @NeonSocks that this takes a large amount of bravery. We are jumping into the unknown. Although I am not having second thoughts, everything is beginning to hit me a bit more. I just can't believe it. It is so sad.. the family we have created and how different my daughter's life with look. My husband is unraveled and devestated. I can't have both worlds and it is so heartbreaking. I agree that the more real it becomes, I keep getting pangs of guilt. I just keep telling myself to keep moving, kept being honest, and try and not be afraid. I just hope I start getting some assurance on a break that all of this is what I truly want. Because I still have doubts.
     
    #152 Searching1, Oct 10, 2017
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  13. junebug99

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    I just recently read some of my highschool journal entries. And some of them were hilarious. And i noticed that there was alot about girls in them. About how I wanted to be friends or so I thought. I have always found journaling helpful. Even if you just write it out to get it off your mind. And then tear it up!
     
    #153 junebug99, Oct 10, 2017
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  14. leb10

    leb10
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    Wish I had more thoughtful words to share with you and Neonsocks but my brain is fried and I just wanted to let you both know I send lots of supportive vibes your way.
     
    #154 leb10, Oct 10, 2017
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  15. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Interesting! It really is helpful to journal- both to work out thoughts while you're writing and to look back on things. I'm so glad I kept one during my first questioning period.
     
    #155 Searching1, Oct 10, 2017
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  16. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Thank you so much @leb10! ❤️
     
    #156 Searching1, Oct 10, 2017
  17. azzi

    azzi
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    I had journals too full of my girl crushes stories, but i burned them maybe 10years ago. I was scared that someone else might secretly read them :grin:
     
    #157 azzi, Oct 11, 2017
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  18. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Haha that was always a huge fear of mine. I definitely tore out the first few entries that I wrote while I was married earlier this year. I envisioned my husband in the future reading then after I died, heartbroken. Lol. But then I was like, eh whatever.
     
    #158 Searching1, Oct 11, 2017
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  19. Searching1

    Searching1
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    Tonight is insanely depressing. We both have had moist eyes and I have cried to myself for a few quick moments as we realize this may be our last dinner at home as a "together" family. Tomorrow we are going on a nice date night just us two. It feels like the funeral for our marriage. So incredibly heartbreaking.
     
    #159 Searching1, Oct 12, 2017
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