Confused and need help

Here's another thought (I don't think anyone has brought this up, but if I'm repeating something, sorry about that).

I haven't heard you say that you're not attracted to your husband any more--just that you're attracted to women. It could be that you're bi (your history suggests it) and the other part of your sexuality is starting to exert itself for whatever reason. Maybe there was a trigger of some kind. But maybe this isn't as binary as it seems. You can be attracted to women and still love and be attracted to your husband. It may be that you choose to stay in your marriage and not act on your feelings (as perhaps you wouldn't consider having an affair with another man), but that just acknowledging this part of yourself will help you come to terms with it.

Again--just a thought.

Z

 

It is hard to accept yourself as lesbian; but if you don't feel that he is NOT the love of your life what are wasting? stop to waste your time and divorce, who knows, would you find the love of your life in a girl?

 

I always wonder if its all about self awareness vs lack of awareness. Reminds me of the series-HUMANS.

Lack of awareness, being able to maneuver through society and do whats required by societal standards, then awareness kicks in and you realize their is more to you,some individuals fight that awareness and cant handle the social dynamics of what they are in society, so wipeout their awareness to go back to non awareness and much more, others push forward and accept the awareness with glee, regardless of what society thinks.

OP hope you slowly with time get peace of mind in whatever choice you make but your definitely in the right place.

 

I think it sounds a bit like you are bargaining with yourself. I'm not saying you should leave your husband but it sounds to me as though you are looking for attraction where actually there isn't much. You have never felt with your husband what you felt with that girl.
In order to be able to imagine yourself with a girl and feel ok with it sometimes we have to get over societies straight and narrow view of what life and happiness entails. Regardless of whether or not you have any desire to leave your husband I think it would be worth trying to accept and make peace with your attraction to women. How does it feel if you say out loud to yourself in the mirror I am attracted to women?

 

You're not faking it. Of all the things you could choose to fake, why would this be the one thing you come up with? And faking something implies you've made a choice and you haven't.

I think of it like this. You've all of a sudden found yourself or are just fully acknowledging that you're not in Kansas anymore. You're in a new place where, guess what, you are attracted to women. Perhaps instead of men or in addition to men but that's not the current burning issue. You're brain hasn't had the same number of years or variety of life experiences to know how to compute this new state of affairs. So, now, we have to manually go through puberty, so to speak. Consciously navigate our feelings where before as teenagers, this would have all just tumbled along if we'd been lucky enough to have already lived in the Emerald city, where girls liking girls is as natural as singing munchkins. (Sorry. I think I'm losing the plot...)

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that this is so much harder when you're aware of every thought and feeling and can't help getting sucked into analyzing all of it. Maybe try to just note your feelings as they occur and simply accept them for what they are. If you notice a pretty women, don't think "Why do I think that? What does it mean?" Simply acknowledge it. "Ok. I find that woman pretty." Perhaps a pattern will emerge and you can be comforted that this is a thing. Even a fact. Neither good nor bad. And then you can decide if you want to change anything based on this new information.

And don't be embarrassed. This isn't the easiest thing to talk about, especially in real life. That's why EC is here. :]
Write whatever you want here. Someone will have had very similar or even the exact same thoughts. We're in this together.

 

I think this is the kicker. Your subconscious knows. It's just taking longer for the conscious you to catch up.

 

no matter what is going on in your head

I hope you are doing okay

each day brings a chance for new things

 

It's definitely not a whim. You are definitely not faking. I know it sounds stupid but start trying to say it each morning. I like women and that's ok. During the day allow yourself to feel attraction to women and tell yourself that's ok, allow yourself gay thoughts.
It's not a miracle cure but it will help.

I also never had any signs, no best friend love, no looking at girls and imagining kissing them or anything. I never had any massive crushes on guys I mean I thought I kind of did at the time but looking back I wasn't really that fussed but put that down to being shy and a bit socially awkward. The more I accepted my sexuality the more, I looked back and saw things which maybe were signs but at the time I wasn't oblivious.

Your best friend did she ever get a boyfriend? If so how did that make you feel?

 

Hi Far Out, I agree with you about questioning yourself so much. I do the same thing. It's as if I want a sign that says that my feelings are 100 percent real. However, I don't realize when I should, that they are because I am too busy wanting the reality to be different. I am in a similar position, except, I'm not married. I have been in a relationship for 14 years and I have a 4 year old son. I should end my relationship and not because of my recent re-awakened attraction to women, but because it doesn't make me happy anymore. However, the reason why that hasn't happened yet is a story for another day. I did enjoy sex with my partner but at the moment, it feels like punishment because all I can think about is wanting to be a woman. I had convinced myself that the recent crush I had on a woman didn't mean anything. It was just something I felt for this one woman because I didn't necessarily feel that way about other women. Then on Sunday, I went to a walk and right there, at the starting line, there was a pretty lady that I was so drawn to, I wanted to walk up to her and hold her hand. That desire caught me off gaurd and I stood there the whole like a teenager stealing glances at her. I had told myself that if I was really attracted to women, then shouldn't I look at them all in a different way but the truth is, as much as I can appreciate their beauty in a different way, I don't want to date all of them. Anyways, the point of my strange encounter is the fact that when I thought I was straight, it made sense to me to not want to date or be attracted to every single man but when I started to question my sexuality, unless I was attracted to every single woman, my feelings were all in my head. The honest truth is, these feelings wouldn't be there if they weren't real. And that is something that even I have tried convincing myself otherwise. I wish you all the best on your journey and I hope you find the answers you are looking for that can give you peace.

 

Have you watched any programs with lesbian characters in them?

Really don't worry I don't mind supporting anytime

 

What about recently?

 

Cool what have you been watching?