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I'm a gay man in a wheelchair

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by MrWheelz, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. MrWheelz

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    I can't seem to find any guy who I'm attracted to that would accept the fact that sex would be very differnet. I am a paraplegic which would limit my abilities in the bedroom. I know I'm not the only one.
     
  2. I'm gay

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    Hi MrWheelz,

    I offer you my sincere respect. The challenges you face are real and daunting.

    Leaving the issue of your sexual orientation aside, as a person in a wheelchair, you certainly are not the only one wanting to find love too. I think the reason people aren't responding to your thread here is because it's far outside the realm of experience for most of the members here, including me.

    I don't know where in California you live, but if it's near LA, perhaps there are resources available there? Between support and social groups, I would hope there is a community of people in wheelchairs who would have better advice for you.
     
  3. pinkclare

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    I know it's not exactly the same, but as a trans guy, I relate to the feeling of looking for someone who will accept that sex will be different. For what it's worth, I would be totally down for sexy times with someone who uses a wheelchair if I was otherwise attracted to him. I kind of find it exciting to know that sex will be more creative by necessity.
     
  4. stoutdriver79

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    We all face different challenges, sexually, physically and emotionally too. Finding a partner that understands your struggles is important, but also remember that they have struggles too, as such, the more you worry about things like this, the less confident you will feel. When you meet the right person, intimacy goes beyond sexual stimulation and feeling, work with what you got and with what you can. Your body is different, so learning with a partner is probably this best thing for you while being honest and open about your fears.

    Good luck.
     
  5. Blizzaga

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    To me it wouldn't matter if someone was in a wheelchair or not. If I love them then I love them and we work it out.
    Most people don't want a relationship so if it becomes to "difficult" to get what they really want they move on. Don't let it get you down. Stay positive and keep looking : )
     
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  6. Yasha of XMETAS

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    I get that having a real relationship is hard enough, but with special circumstances, its even harder. I'm trans, and gay, and with social anxiety. I so get it. It's really hard to find someone who wants you for YOU. So finding that special someone will be all the more wonderful and meaninful. You will find a guy who loves your soul and mind, as well as your body. It will be worth it. :slight_smile:
    I'm sure you'll find a guy who will love you, wheels and all :slight_smile: Good luck!

    Dude. I'm in the same boat. And yea, being different just means more creative means of intimacy. I agree :slight_smile:
     
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  7. Blackangel

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    I understand your struggle fully. I'm not paralyzed, yet, but I do have muscular dystrophy, and require a wheelchair when I'm out. Around the house I have to get around with a walker, or if I'm extremely lucky, just a cane. Nothing has been possible for me to do, because due to my MD, I have been impotent for years. So, sexually, from the waist down I'm useless. Therefore my wife and I rely on oral and manual sex. And even tho I can't penetrate, we still have a fulfilling sex life.

    So don't think penetration is the only thing to do concerning sex. But, if you find a guy, and the two of you like each other, but he doesn't want you just because you're in a wheelchair, then he's not really worth you time. He may be cute on the outside, but he sure as hell isn't on the inside.
     
  8. Xavier37

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    I can relate to the way you feel to have something that you have no control over and its a part of your identity...but that doesnt change the quality of a man you are. Without a doubt its difficult to find someone who is okay with it. I take it as it has nothing to do with you just for some its an uncomfortable situation to approach in general but those type of people you gotta move on and dont give up trying to find someone who just doesnt give a shit ya know. Easier said than done.

    So my striggle is I have a micropenis MOST EMBARRASSING THING as a man to have basically no dick. Im charming not bad looking and ive had some guys and girls who are into but always the submissive ones which scares me off because im too embarrassed and afraid for that moment of humiliation to come when we try to get intimate. I dont know how to handle it but iknow down the road ill find someone who doesnt care and will love me for me
     
  9. Samuli787

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    Hi!

    I'm also a gay man in a wheelchair. I'm not paralyzed though and everything works down there. I was in the closet until I got in to the university this year and I've found it surprisingly easy to be both disabled and gay at least in my uni. At first I thought there was no way I would ever find anyone but the LGBT community here has been very welcoming. Friends have been quite easy to find but finding a (healthy) relationship has been harder. I had a major crush on an assistant professor that was teaching one of the introductory courses. He is brilliant and I think that's what I found most attractive. Him ''only'' being about 10 years older didn't seem like a problem at the time. We found each other's profiles on ###### and to my great surprise he started chatting back to me. I wish i never would have sent that first message..

    The ''relationship'' deepened quickly and within days he was sending me pictures etc. I should have known he was a predator then but I had 0 self worth and thought the whole thing was exciting because it was forbidden. 2 weeks after sending first ###### message he said he wanted to meet after classes privately. I agreed.. I don't know what I expected to happen but almost as soon as I entered his apartment he forced me into sex. I knew immediately this wasn't what I wanted, but he didn't seem to care about my reaction and he proceeded to rape me (although I never said no, I just froze and let him do everything he wanted so it might not be legally speaking a ''rape''). It was my first time and he seemed to enjoy that I was in pain... Whole thing was over in 15 minutes and after I told him that I felt really bad about what happened he told me I was pathetic and that no one would believe me anyway if I told someone. Next day I went in to student healthcare for std panel and after they noticed the injuries in my rectum they asked if I had been raped. I lied and told them no.. I regret that decision more than anything. I've had sex with 3 other guys after that. All of them have been a lot older than me and ''one night stands''. I just wanted to feel wanted so I took any affection I could get.

    Around 2 weeks ago I went to see a psychiatrist and told him everything so I'm slowly on a road to recovery, I hope.. I've also met a dude who wants something more than sex from me and that has been amazing. I'm saying it's very possible to have real relationships but please don't think you're not worth anything. You are and you will still find someone.
     
  10. TrevinMichael

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    I would love you just the same
    wheel chair or not

    and find ways to love you and let you love me

    love is love
    there must be someone out there that will be that way for you
     
  11. wheelz

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    HI from another paraplegic who has just joined, think its all been said previous to my post. You will find Mr right who will love you for who you are despite the limitations. Good luck
     
  12. smee

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    I agree, this may be a way to separate out the ones that will actually like you. If it helps, I was once approached by a guy who had recently suffered some pretty significant and obvious injuries. Life happens. He was also polite, sincere, stable and really seemed like a catch. I was just coming out (still am); I was preoccupied with (or panicked by) a life crisis and so I left to handle my own stuff. Who knows what could have happened, but I still regret that we didn't at least get coffee and have a chance to talk.