Hey everyone, So I’m 28 years old and currently with a man I’ve been with almost 7 years now and we have 3 kids together. Ok so let me start by saying I have always been attracted to women. Always. At one point in my life when I was 17 I even tried coming out to my family and when they turned it into a joking matter I kind of brushed it off and went back into hiding. Well now ten years later I’m realizing there’s absolutely no way for me to continue on hiding who I truly am. Needless to say I’m still slightly confused if this is really what I want. I love the man I’m with and feel an obligation to him since he is the father of my kids but I just feel disgusted when he tries anything sexual with me, Like repulsed and then disgusted with myself for doing something I didn’t want to. Then I feel horrible for not doing anything. The amount of lost I am right now is insane and I just don’t know what my next step should be. I don’t want to tear my family apart but I don’t wanty partner to not be getting what he deserves and I really don’t want to continue feeling so lost and confused. Anyways, any advice/opinions appreciated. Thanks for reading
Hola! Please excuse my language as it is not my first language. I totally understand what you are going through. I, myself, don't have a husband or kids, but I have also always being with men trying to forget about my desires with women. I came to the realization that every single time I try anything with a man I ended up hurting them, hurting me and wasting my time....that precious time that never stops..... I have never been able to love them and they have never been able to make me fall in love with them. I think it's best, for both of us, to just be honest for once and all. We need to be brave and love ourselfs so much so that we can stop pretending being someone that we are not, and stop hurting ourselfs while trying to satisfied others. Time doesn't stops for anyone. Do not waste more time. You and I deserve to be happy and we will only find it with a women. Te mando un abrazo!
I am a man and was married. The problem is the same, no matter if you are male or female. Since you are in a relationship with a man with children, there is no way out that will not hurt someone. You did not say the ages of you kids, but how much they feel, depends a lot on their ages. If you man is a liberated man, he may consent to you having a lover, and he also has a lover. If he is not, then a split is coming, sorry but you need to talk to him and he needs to talk to you.
Exactly, I have tried to talk about it before with him and it always ends up in an argument. All my kids are young under 4. I mean he even calls me a lesbian to hurt me while we are arguing. I hate this and that I put myself in this position. I have a lot of hurt coming my way.
Not an easy situation you're facing, Slinkykat. I just wanted to say that while it's understandable that your husband is hurting and angry over this, it's not okay for him to become verbally abusive. You don't have to accept that, you are not doing this to hurt him. Good luck to you.
Thank you very much! I just wish I had been more confident in myself while I was young. I didn’t purposely do this to hurt anyone but that is all that I seem to be doing, including hurting myself. We never married so there’s that. hank
Hey Slinkykat. I'm so sorry you're hurting, I know it well, I'm in a similar situation. Do you know what your desired end state looks like? I recommend seeking out an LGBT counselor as you figure what it looks look like and how to get there. I've found it so very helpful and maybe you would as you work through these early stages. Good luck! Hope you stick around EC, everyone here contributes to such a supportive community
