1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How to prevent rape

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Jogos, Sep 30, 2017.

  1. Jogos

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Portugal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hi everyone!
    I believe a year or so ago I ended up creating a forum asking how to prevent rape, when looking for love how can youth gay males or females make sure they are not in a position where they could be rapped. Since i cant find it i am asking again as this is a strong fear that is in the back of my mind, lots of movies i have seen have at least 1 character get rapped that is a gay male and it worries me a bit ..

    how can we stop this? other than meeting up with someone in a public place, when can we feel comfortable enough with a potential dater to take him back to our place and know he wont grab us against our wills, sorry if this is a touchy subject, the purpose is to help find a solution so no one is ever raped. EVER!!
     
  2. Humbly Me

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2017
    Messages:
    2,072
    Likes Received:
    311
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    After 6 years of jujitsu practice you should be roughly untouchable to unarmed person not trained in a martial art, but you will still be vulnerable to drugging, and attacks by an armed person (because even though you learn to fight armed people unarmed, it takes incredible amounts of training and dedication to learn the skills needed to pull it off consistently.
     
  3. Maya100

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2017
    Messages:
    85
    Likes Received:
    32
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have been raped by 2 people when I was 17 & that was through one of the rapists putting Rohypnol (a date rape drug) in my drink.
    From that experience I can say:
    1) do not leave your drink unattended at any time, take it to the bathroom with you, don't even leave it with a friend while you go for a smoke, or the toilet etc.
    2) do not accept a drink from anyone, especially a stranger or someone you have met on a dating site or in a bar etc.
    3) if someone offers to buy you a drink & you do want to accept it, make sure you are there the whole time while the drink is being made and take it straight from the person behind the bar, again this is kind of the same thing as don't leave your drink unattended, just keep your eyes open.

    I'd also agree with Myclosestisfull in saying that some self-defence classes would be a good idea, but try not to worry too much about what you see in movies/read online, not everyone is out to get you & hurt you, most people are kind & respectful & you can't always be on guard 'just in case', sometimes you have to relax & trust that who you're with won't harm you in any way.

    If you're going back to someone's house you've just met though (same goes for if you're meeting someone from online), I'd make sure you tell someone where you're going & also the address if you can. Ask them to call you in 10/15/20 minutes to check you're okay & that way if you feel uncomfortable or anything you can use that phone call as an excuse to leave if you need to.
     
    Shorthaul likes this.
  4. Kue

    Kue
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2017
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Chicago
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    As someone who does juijitsu, i can confirm it should help when attacked by unarmed people
     
  5. Blackangel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2017
    Messages:
    345
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Missouri
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
  6. anonym00se

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 26, 2017
    Messages:
    34
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    some tiny town in the middle of nowhere, WV
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Yes, a .45 :>
     
  7. aussielefty

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2014
    Messages:
    338
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Australia
    rape is scary, wouldnt wish it on my worst enamy, was raped at high school and back then I was too afraid to say anything.

    I have 3 neices and they have al said to me ( before they were married) if some one goes for them and if they can fight back any ideas on what to do?
    I always say theses 3 little words " Nuts Knees and nose! "
    if you can Kick the dude in the nuts cause that will bring the toughest man down..

    but yeah I think its hard too if your going to meet some one online and it turns out wrong.. not sure on that one..
     
  8. Shorthaul

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2016
    Messages:
    1,498
    Likes Received:
    231
    Location:
    Idaho
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    There are lots of classes on self defense or as mentioned above martial arts, and while a gun certainly gives some advantage; it is utterly useless if you are not comfortable carrying it and using it. So I generally don't recommend a gun to just anyone as the best solution for self defense.

    Other good alternatives for stopping anyone without killing are: high voltage or wasp spray. You hit someone with 50k volts out of a stun gun or similar device they are done, as they lose all control of their muscles for a short time. Wasp spray has the same kind of effect as Mace, except it delivers way more chemical volume at a much farther range.

    The best self defense is minimize the risk as much as possible. Keeping an eye on your drink at all times, staying in well lit areas, make sure someone knows where you are. Good spacial awareness, such as knowing where: the closest exit is, the closest bouncer/staff/waiter is.
     
  9. JaimeGaye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2017
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    All the fighting skills and packing of defensive weapons will NOT prevent rape if your attacker is just as skilled as you and just as determined to get what he wants.
    Determined armed men stopped the latest mass murder but only after he was well into his determined and well planned orgy.

    As an effeminate gay man who has been raped twice in my lifetime and in both cases never saw it coming until it was too late I can only suggest a better plan is to surviving the rape should an attack occur to you.

    Fight back ONLY if you KNOW you can best your attacker otherwise, like shooting someone with a small caliber pistol, all you're going to do is piss them off even more than they already are.
    If you ARE carrying an effective fighting tool and are skilled in its use DO NOT hesitate to use it and DO NOT yank a weapon hoping it will make the rapist run away USE IT at the first and fastest opportunity.
    A wounded rapist seeking aid at a hospital is pretty easy to locate by the Police and a dead one won't do his dirty work to anyone else ever again.

    If you are in a position of being unarmed and vulnerable then start screaming and yelling bloody murder but DO NOT fight back.
    There is a possibility the fear of getting caught because of your verbal outburst will drive your attacker away.
    The reality is most people completely ignore cries for help and most will not "want to get involved" even if they do.
    So, stage two if this fails is to NOT fight back as this will only make your attacker more angry.
    Remember that rape isn't about sex but about control and domination and pissing your attacker off will only spur him to want to control and dominate you even more so prepare to submit while always looking for a way out if possible.

    Once he has gotten you to a place he can dominate you let him do so if no other option is available.
    Let him beat you if that's his thing, protect yourself as much as you can and beg him to be merciful no matter how distasteful this may be.
    Once he begins his sexual assault let it happen
    Let it happen like he is a partner you want to be with.
    Rapists are not generally looking for a long term sexual connection. They are seeking the pleasure of their own orgasm and have zero concern for yours so the more you fight them the more driven they will become to seek their pleasure from dominating you.
    The more submissive you are, the faster they achieve the end result of their orgasm.

    Once the rapist achieves the goal of his orgasm this is where things get tricky.
    Best case scenario, he gets off and exits stage left thinking no more about you than he would a dropped candy wrapper.
    Worse case, he sticks around gloating in his manly conquest of his goal like a mountain climber standing at the peak.
    Does he now run down the mountain or make sure to bury his trash so everything is as pristine as it was before his conquest?
    At this point you should offer your attacker positive reinforcement of the run down the mountain scenario but NOT in a manner that makes it appear to him like you are trying to usurp his control of you.
    He may begin to berate you for making him "Do this to you", he WILL blame you, it's never their fault.
    Agree with him while suggesting his best course of action at this point is exit stage left.
    "I'm so sorry I drove you to this, please forgive me. I hate myself now. You should go, I think people are coming to see what happened. I'll tell them I fell."
    Do whatever you can and say whatever needs said to get him away from you.
    Once he leaves do the same, quickly and in the opposite direction.
    Seek help.
    I cannot and will not say my suggestions will help in every potential rape scenario, no one can predict the future.
    I can say my suggestions worked for me.
     
    #9 JaimeGaye, Oct 13, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2017
    DirectionNorth likes this.
  10. junebug99

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2017
    Messages:
    437
    Likes Received:
    557
    Location:
    Ontario, Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    As a martial artist myself taking a self defense class is a good idea. Hopefully you will never have to use it.
     
  11. Blackangel

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2017
    Messages:
    345
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    Missouri
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    One thing they teach women in rape survival classes is to never scream "Help" when being attacked. No one will come most likely. Instead scream "Fire". That will get people there either because they want to help, or they just want to watch the blaze. With fire you're a hell of a lot more likely to draw someone to help you fend off your attacker.
     
  12. shyramarie

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2017
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Taiwan
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    i was raped when thirteen by a sixteen year old friend that slipped sedative into my soft drink then poured whiskey in me. when i reported it the police questioned the guy and he said it was consent to but went to reform school because i was underage. nobody even my family believed i was raped but was drunk and wanted to have sex. since then i don't go anywhere unknown with just one friend. i make sure to be with at least three close friends.
     
  13. DirectionNorth

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2017
    Messages:
    472
    Likes Received:
    48
    Location:
    Location
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I just want to make clear I mean like as in agree, not that I like it. It's the most realistic advice. Being in a crowded space doesn't help, yelling help usually won't help because people (at least in my area) would just assume you're punch-drunk and screaming playfully or whatever, and even if it's in ftont of or around a building here, it means there was a whole building of people who just ignored it. You really can only rely on yourself, unfortunately.
     
    JaimeGaye likes this.
  14. JaimeGaye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2017
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    The trending hashtag on social media right now is MeToo brought on by the Harvey Weinstein debacle.
    Some claim it's nothing but a cry for attention
    Some claim it is just more feminist lesbian man hate
    Meanwhile in Myanmar, "Systematic rape and murder,,,"
    In Sudan, "The systematic rape and murder of,,,"
    In Nigeria, "Both the Government Forces and Boko Haram use rape and torture as a means of,,,,"
    And it goes on and on and on,,,