1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Help!!! Getting older and still in the closet

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Nana29, Oct 4, 2017.

  1. Nana29

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Ok so I’ve known my attraction toward women for years now, never been with a man for obvious reasons and have never had the courage to start something with a women for fear of others knowing. I grew up in a really conservative household and the religion my famaliy practices and I grew up in expels people like me to the point where my famaliy will not talk or have any type of association with me until I change my way of life. I think the main reason I have not come out is because coming out will mean I will lose my famaliy, but then again I’m getting deeper and deeper into depression because I know I’m living a lie. As years go by and I get older my anxiety gets worse because I’m wasteing great years of my life because I’m to coward to come out.
     
  2. KnucklesNation

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2015
    Messages:
    301
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I, personally, am not open about my sexuality to my family - for reasons similar to yours - but I don't let that keep me from experiencing what life has to offer; and you shouldn't either. I'm going to step out on the ledge and assume you're a grown woman, so why does it seem like you need the approval or acceptance of your family in order for you to be happy being who you are?
     
  3. loepis

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2016
    Messages:
    85
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    Singapore
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    By joining EC, you have taken that one step out of the closet.

    Do you have any known relatives or friends who are LGBTQ or allies to LGBTQ? I would reach out to them personally as they would likely be more accepting. Like others have said, we get to choose our own family.

    If you don't mind sharing, how old are you? How comfortable are you financially?
     
  4. Nana29

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    No I don’t have any close relatives who are LGBTQ or allies but it’s true what they say about we getting to choose our own famaliy. It’s just hard to think about loosing my famaliy. Regarding my age I’m 25 and finiancially I’m ok. I think I just have to be brave and just go for it before it’s too late.
     
  5. Nana29

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2017
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
     
  6. HM03

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2013
    Messages:
    2,623
    Likes Received:
    508
    Location:
    Pergatory
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Start small, and give yourself credit for the small steps you make.

    I'm not sure how much older you are than me, but to be honest, I feel like that fear of other people knowing has put me quite a bit behind other people my age. As you say, we're getting older, and its depressing as hell lying all the time.

    So, my 2 cents. If telling your family is going to be a disaster, don't start there. Start somewhere where you KNOW you are going to have a good experience coming out. It is very beneficial to have a good experience coming out and build up a support network. I had a therapist for a while, and came out to him, and then my best friend. I wouldn't have been able to come out to most people without their support. And the thought of telling my family now is overwhelming - I can't imagine doing that without any irl LGBT support.
     
    mnguy likes this.
  7. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2008
    Messages:
    10,698
    Likes Received:
    3,722
    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well it's never too late and 25 is definitely not that old. Is there anyway you think you could start coming out before telling your family? What about friends would any of them support you? Could you attend an LGBT group or something?