It's not technically a sleepover, but I am sharing a hotel room with someone and to save money they booked us one bed and said we can share. I am out to some people. Really just close friends, people who have put it together because I'm involved in queer groups and the guys I work with who have asked me out and I have had to tell them I'm gay. I am still newly comfortable with this, I'm just beginning to be okay. Honestly, it's only been a few months since I can say I have been comfortable with it. I am still not out to my family. My question is should I come out to the person I will have to share a bed with? I am guessing it will be a woman and I am pretty sure I know who it will be. If it is her, she is one of my friends. I do not have any attraction to her, I just don't want to have to come out, I'd rather not, but I don't want them to feel uncomfortable when they eventually do find out!! What do I do? Is it the right thing to do to tell them? Is it okay if I don't? Should I just not tell them and offer to sleep on the floor? If the right thing is to tell them PLEASE tell me how do I do this without being awkward!! I REALLY can't have this be a big deal or awkward! Please help! I'm really afraid to do this! This means my entire friend group will probably know. I am not embarrassed or ashamed, but I am afraid they will be mad at me. Not because they are homophobic, but for some reason I feel like they will think I lied to them this whole time. I'm just afraid. They all respect me so much!! They respect me A LOT! I don't want them to know I've been keeping secrets! I have been in the closet for like 2-3 years since I've known them!
Why can't you change the reservation from one bed to two. Usually, they are the same price anyway. If the other person made the reservation you could just say, look I toss and turn a lot when I sleep and I think we would both be more comfortable in our own beds. I recently shared a hotel room with my friend of 25 years. I have no attraction to her and I did not tell her my orientation, however we did each have our own beds.
It's for a super low budget indie film, I'm honestly just doing it as a favor. The production booked the hotel rooms and explained to me that it's cheaper. The "toss and turn" thing is a good idea though. Maybe I can just use that excuse to sleep on a couch if there is one or even the floor. I don't mind the floor, I'm honestly just really afraid to sleep in the same bed and have them feel uncomfortable when they find out my sexual orientation in the future.
Another option (maybe) is you can tell whoever booked the rooms that you snore. Perhaps the person you're booked with can be moved to someone else's room. Believe me--I slept with my best friend on several trips, and she snores like crazy, and it kept me up all night. I would have much rather slept on someone's else floor!
Do you think this is something that could be wrong if I don't come out first? I just feel like maybe it's sort of courtesy to be like "hey, before we sleep in the same bed/room ". It's not that i'm interested or anything, I just feel like a straight person could feel weirded out without knowing before hand? I am afraid, but I would like to come out. But how would I do that? The few times I've come out to people I've made it so long and drawn out. I just want to know how I can say this without it being a big deal at all.
I don't think there's any reason you need to come out beforehand. It's not like you're going to try anything, right? If this person has a problem down the line learning that you're gay, that's on them. I wouldn't let a situation dictate when you come out. You should do it when you feel you want to do it.
I don't think you need to come out if you're not ready yet. It doesn't sound like you're ready for the fallout, so give yourself a break. You didn't arrange the situation after all. Telling your friends now may be even more awkward for them if you share a room. Some people will need time to accept you are gay. Not to say they are homophobic, but any change takes time to adjust. Some might need 5 mins others maybe a few days. I should hope your friends would be a little understanding how scary it is to come out and not hold it against you. No matter when you come out, someone might feel angry or hurt or uncomfortable but they need to sort out their own feelings. You cannot control how they will feel or prevent it. All you can do is act in a respectable way. Moreover, you have a right to privacy. Privacy is NOT lying. It's not lying for you to keep personal information about yourself to yourself. I had some family problems that I failed to tell many of my friends for a year or two. It wasn't about lying or deception. I just wasn't ready to talk or open up. I was just too vulnerable. No one expressed hurt when I told them. Only that they wish they had been more active in my life when I pulled away. I do not like sharing a bed and tell people such. You could casually say, "Hey, I know you said you're fine sharing the bed. I just perfer my own bed. I'll sleep better if I do. So I'll sleep on the floor/chair/sofa". There isnt a lie in there. You dont have to say why you perfer to sleep alone Also, check any chair/sofa sometimes they hide pull out beds or you'll get a recliner if you know the hotel, call and ask the front desk about it. Sometimes they have rollaways too. You know yourself best though. If you want to tell your friends, are ready to tell them, and feel it's the right thing to do. Then go ahead. If you want to make it short, just say "I want to let you know something because we are friends. I hope it doesn't change our friendship or how you see me. I just want to be open about this part of me: I'm gay." and if they questions you're willing to talk about, answer them. There is no "right" path without it's bumps. Just gotta make a choice and handle it.
It is tough coming out to people in the early stages. After a while, it becomes not such a big deal, but when you start, it feels pretty major. I don't know how helpful this is, but you could say just what you say: "Hey--just wanted to let you know before we room together that I'm gay. No big deal for me, but if you're uncomfortable, you're not going to hurt my feelings if you want us to make other sleeping arrangements." It doesn't need a big long explanation (Easily said than done, I know). You can just pretend in the moment that you tell this to people all the time. (Again, easier said.) I doubt, though, that unless this is a good friend, she's not going to ask you any personal questions.
Hmm yeah thanks all!!!! This is pretty helpful! I'm feeling less scared about it. I think maybe I will just see how it goes and what my intuition is telling me. I'll plan on not really saying anything and try sleeping on a couch or floor, but if I am really feeling like I want to come out I maybe will try it in a way that is honest, but also not a big deal. I wish I could be out without actually having to tell anyone. Ugh, it's just so strange that anyone not cis and straight has to tell others their personal business about who they like.
