I'll try to keep this short (yeah, that won't happen lol). A few weeks ago (I posted about this too) I got slammed really hard with a "depression bout." I felt totally miserable, hopeless, empty etc.., But there was also another "thing" that happened. During this dark period, I was able to "come out" to a member of my family (Mother) about my true dreams and aspirations. This is something I haven't told anyone because when I am feeling "okay" or "good" I feel like I can settle and be happy.. which is kind of scary. This period was different though.. I talked about it (a lot) and started making major lists and a time period of when I could actually pursue this crazy goal of mine. I decided to do it. I felt totally motivated, albeit still extremely depressed, about getting these goals completed in 2 years time and to make a move. It really started to make me have those *spurts* of happiness here and there and I felt like I could really do this. I am finally starting to come out of it(depressive state) now and I'm worried about my motivation faltering. One of my listed goals was to visit a Counselor and maybe get on some medication, but now that I am feeling better and feeling my motivation falter.. I am worried about getting into that "I'll just settle" mood. Have any of y'all went through ...well I guess a "Depression Motivation" period before? I hung up my list and I look at it everyday and I have my family backing me up on it to try to keep me going towards it. I don't want to say that I want to remain sad, but I also don't want to let that motivation lose its edge.
I often get massive amounts of work done when I am in a depressive episode, primarily because I use my work to close myself away from everything and everyone. I don't have a lot of experience with preserving that drive past the depression, though. By the time I come up for air from the depression, my body (especially my hands) and mind are usually in need of a rest. Have you already started accomplishing the things on your list?
Thanks for the reply I have accomplished two things so far! Which is pretty big. Most of the things on the "Things to finish before moving" list are really big, so when one gets done it is like a "whoa, I can't believe it!" feeling.
I also get the depression motivation moments. I'm bipolar, and I am at my most creative, not during a manic phase like other bipolar people, but actually feel more creative when I'm down and out with the blues... Odd. I haven't had a depressive episode for quite some time, and I just seem to not be able to write any "good" poems like I do when I'm depressed. I re-read my poems to try and get motivated to write again, but it doesn't help. So I feel your pain. It's a good sign that you've managed to get two things done so far. Why don't you speak to your mom about your worries and ask her to motivate you until everything's done. I'm sorry I don't have better advice. I hope you manage to get everything on the list done. Good luck!
