My name is Jake and I’m a trans kid in high school. my parents have been having an extremely hard time with me being trans as they thought that I would grow up to be like my two straight feminine sisters as I got older. While this did not happen and I confessed my gender identity to them they began to say some really hurtful things towards me. My mother told me that I embarrass her and that it’s tough for her to think that being trans isn’t a choice. I think about my future and I 100% want to go on T and get surgery but all of that seems so far away. Is anyone in the same boat or if anyone has gone through this then any advice would be much appreciated!!
Hey! I'm also a trans guy named Jake I'm in a similar position, when I came out to my parents they gave me a very hard time about it, and going on T is a difficult goal at the moment. I think the only advice I have is to give it time, be patient, and take care of yourself in the meantime. Although my mom is still not quite there with the acceptance, she is at least a bit better than when I first came out (which was a bad time). I gave her her space for a while, and prepared a lot of resources and links for her to look at, and when she finally was willing to look at some, I sent them to her. There were a lot of hard conversations, but mostly, it was giving her the time and space. It took me years to accept that I'm trans, and when I first came out, I expected her to get it immediately. Of course it wasn't fair that my parents lashed out the way they did, but at the same time, I understood the need to give them time to have it all settle in. There are going to be difficult conversations, and a lot of misconceptions you may need to be ready to refute. Even now, the conversations are hard. A lot of hurtful things have been said, some which I found so hard to forgive, but tried to make my peace with anyways. But ultimately there is hope, even if it's slow, even if it's in a way you can't see from where you are now. I'll definitely find yourself a support system though, because it is very taxing and emotionally hurtful to have to live with unaccepting parents and have to go through those tough arguments/conversations. Hearing transphobic things yelled at you is going to be really damaging, and nobody should have to bear that, but unfortunately many of us don't have a choice, especially if we aren't able to move out. Find friends, find online support, start doing your own research into your future. It may seem impossibly far away right now, but it isn't. Things move forward. Ultimately, it is your life, and your self, and your parents shouldn't take that away from you. However I understand the "just get on T yourself anyways!" is not practically viable for every trans person, and it isn't viable for me, so I can only offer you all this from my experience now. Good luck, you can always come on here for support anytime!
Hey man thanks so much for the advice and for responding! I hope both of our futures get better and we both live our authentic selves one day. nothing but love and respect!!
I want to give both of you a hug - my experience is a lot different but can be frightening as hell and makes you think your crazy at times... If I could give you a hug I would... I know accepting my name and using it in email over and over has helped! Any resources at school?
BTW - Congrats to both of you for being willing to explore this now in your lives!!! Don't rush, take 1 day or hour by a time - that's how Ive gotten thru the past 6 days as a married adult... a cousin and PFLAG have helped.
