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When and How to Come Out to Parents (as Bisexual)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by butHitlerisDead, Oct 1, 2017.

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  1. butHitlerisDead

    butHitlerisDead
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    South Carolina
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm a bisexual female and a freshman in college but have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before. Because of this I never bothered to come out to my parents as I justified to myself that I didn't even know if I'd ever actually end up dating a girl. I am out to a good number of my friends, but I still feel awkward telling new people I'm bi. At college I've met a girl who I'm really into, is also bisexual and seems to like me back, so I think there's a decent chance we could end up in a relationship. Obviously if this does happen and we become serious enough, I'll need to tell my parents.

    My question is, when and how would be the best time to do this? My mom would likely be okay with it after the initial shock (I don't think my family suspects my sexual orientation at all), but my dad believes homosexuality is a sin, though he wouldn't disown me or anything. Should I tell them before I'm in a relationship or wait until I'm in one? It may be a bit much to come out and tell them I have a girlfriend at the same time, but I also don't want to deal with the stress of coming out unnecessarily.

    Also, since I'm in college I only see my family a few times a semester. I have fall break this weekend, but I don't feel ready to come out yet. Should I wait until Thanksgiving or winter break to tell them in person? Or do you think it'd be okay to tell them over the phone? Finally, do you think I should come out to my mom first since she's more likely to be understanding, or both my parents at the same time? I don't think my mom would tell my dad but I'm not certain.

    Thank you for reading all of this. If you have any advice or are bisexual and/or have gone through a similar experience please let me know! I really appreciate it.
     
    #1 butHitlerisDead, Oct 1, 2017
  2. Guff

    Guff
    Full Member

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    Location:
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    First I wanna say this, and I want it to be clear. Only you know what's actually best and nobody else's opinions should be taken too seriously about the when and how.

    I personally came out to both of my parents at once. They're both very homophobic, however my dad is less homophobic than my mom so I told them together in hopes if my mom went "too far" in my dads eyes he at least might defend me to a degree. I also came out in a situation where they'd be forced to leave in 5 minutes no matter what so I knew it'd be over fast. I will say, I REGRET telling them in a situation they had to leave soon in. Obviously its all up to you, but I'd recommend as far as "when" goes, to do it while there's time to talk about it.

    I've also (believe it or not lol) as an 18 year old, only EVER in my entire life have met 2 gay people. 1 was in Florida whom I'll never see again, and the other was closeted until she moved away. My point here being I'm pretty much as single as they come B) LOL After coming out my dad did ask "How do you if you've never even been with a guy?" And I asked how'd he know he liked girls before dating them, He understood.My dad still believes its "unnatural" and "a choice" but even he understood so I don't think proving to them you're actually bi should be all that hard...

    Also you said you don't wanna come out unnecessarily, I personally don't believe coming out to people significant in your life at any point should be considered useless or not worthwhile. How ever it is really scary and hard and you DEFINITELY shouldn't rush it. I agree having that "extra motivation" would help a lot!

    Lastly to my really long comment is I came out to my very accepting aunt over the phone, I HATED the fact I couldn't see her face or give her a hug. In my opinion, if you're expecting a good reaction its probably worth waiting to see in person LOL Though, in a situation with like your dad, I think a phone call would be a perfectly fine and maybe good way to come out to him!

    Sorry its long and not very helpful LOL Just trust your instincts and do it when it feels right.
     
    #2 Guff, Oct 1, 2017
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