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Sad

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Seeker65, Sep 25, 2017.

  1. silverhalo

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    Aww no wonder you have difficult times. That must be tough for you. Zoe give some great suggestions. I know you say she comes first and that is important but if you run yourself into the ground she won't have you. You must take care of yourself too.
     
  2. Seeker65

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    Thank you for your support....I don't have time to respond tonight and will be gone all day tomorrow.... I will answer when I can as I appreciate you support greatly.
     
  3. silverhalo

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    No rush at all whenever is good for you.
     
  4. Seeker65

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    I want to state that I believe that the people who inhabit this forum are very caring people and I thank them. I am in a low place right now and need to talk its nice to see someone heard me.
    I am by my doctors words depressed.....I think I'm sad but it is slipping slowly into depression.....I do not want the medication that will bring up the low because it will bring down my regular emotions with it.....I am having problems with growing older, my partner ,whom I love greatly, has a lot of her own things too deal with right now( including a needy partner) , I am my moms only support( even though she has three other children) , and science I quit my job to take care of mom I feel trapped at home not to mention poor.
    My siblings say they have there own life and cannot help with mom and she is scared with anyone else I manage to get away about every couple of months but then feel guilty because I know she is scared.
    I recently had to have therapy and enjoyed the time by myself there and felt guilty again. My Dr. said I have to have time to myself....I will feel guilty but I am going to find it....I have looked into going to gym it might work.( although the gym was like walking into a movie gym with good looking beefy men all around...what a waste on me lol.....however I probably will concentrate on working out without the distraction on pretty women in little clothing around.)
    I also have looked into going back to school and finishing my degree I can now finish online at local college as they have started offering more online degrees.
    However , even with all this I still feel sad....I feel like something is missing.
    So the problem probably lies with me.
     
  5. Really

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    Oh wow, seeker65, I really feel for you. I don't think the problem lies within you. It's just a combination of factors which are making things difficult for you at the moment and you're feeling stuck but it doesn't have to be like this forever.

    You definitely need some time for yourself. Perhaps you could check out some of the senior care homes in your area. I think some of them offer options for short term stays and if your mother were agreeable, this could be a good thing for both of you. I don't know how much care she needs but being somewhere where there were prefoessional medical staff on hand should make her and you feel secure that she'd be in good hands. If this would be too expensive for you on your own, get your siblings to chip in. It's the least they can do if, together, you could all afford it.

    Have you asked your doctor if they have any suggestions for ways to take care of your mom to lighten your load? You can also reach out to different services in your area to see what's available because there must be something that will work for the two of you.

    What do you think?
     
  6. Zoe

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    Do you have a YMCA in your area? I ask for two reasons:

    1. They're way better than your typical gym when it comes to the "gym" mindset and beefy men. It's a much more normal crowd.
    2. Many of them have programs for senior citizens (our local one does). Your mom might be able to go to one of them during the day while you work out or otherwise have time for yourself.

    Also--have you talked to your mom's doctor about the way she feels scared all the time? Is this a condition she has that can be addressed or something that medication is causing? Maybe her meds can be adjusted?

    I'm also very, very sorry your siblings aren't helping out. How interesting they feel that they have lives of their own, but you apparently don't. Everyone's life situation is different, of course, but they should be doing what they can to help your mom and lighten your burden.
     
  7. Seeker65

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    I think all of those ideas are wonderful but the problem is mom gets nervous anywhere but with one of her children. Mom still is able to do all here adl's herself she just has attacks with her heart that sometimes requires medical intervention and she is scared. I haven't found a way to comfort her. She is 80 and her fears are real. I will not do anything that causes her to be more afraid and if that means giving her more of my life than I should ,it will just have to be that way....my siblings are missing wonderful time with mom and I cannot tell them how sorry they will be one day. It's really rather sad for them. But it does put a strain on my relationship and my life.... I can only imagine how much cortisol is ravaging my cells right now lol.
    I had someone in my life tell me it was not my duty to take care of my mom and give her so much of my time and I told them if one thought of it as a duty than ,no you wouldn't owe that to someone. Its not a duty. My mom is such a fabulous woman, she was a single mother , with husband( long story there) , she was a nurse, and caregiver to her parents. I figure she needed time for herself many times. Hence the trapped feeling....I ran away once when I felt trapped....it was not an answer.So, here I am trying to developed coping skills that I have never been good at...lol.
     
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  8. Seeker65

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    There is a community center with a gym I'm going to looking into, I love men but I might make them uncomfortable....lol. As for mom I am just going to take care of her...my sibling ....oh well I love them but we are nothing alike....I just don't want to feel like jumping off a bridge all the time. ( it's OK, don't worry I would never do that, it's only the helpless feeling manifesting itself). Talking helps so I'm glad I found this forum...
     
  9. Zoe

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    I agree--I think your siblings will look back and regret the time they missed with your mother. My mother died many years ago (at the young, young age of 54), and I miss her every day. I would have killed for extra time with her. I think your siblings will wish they had been there to help.

    Your mother sounds like a wonderful person, and so do you. It is difficult being a care taker, and even more difficult when it involves watching a loved family member in difficulty. She is lucky to have a daughter who recognizes how lucky she is to have her as a mother.
     
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  10. Zoe

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    I think a community center is a good idea--very similar to a Y.
     
  11. silverhalo

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    Ok so getting away and out and about is tricky so maybe we have to be a bit more creative. EC is a fabulous distraction as you are right there are some amazing people here. What about some time to yourself at home? Does she need round the clock care? Could you section off an hour where you have a bit of do not disturb time? Do you like to draw, write, sew, bake, dance, shout, scream?
     
  12. Zoe

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    Speaking of writing, if you do like to write, keeping a journal can be a great release and a way to work through your emotions.
     
  13. Seeker65

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    I was an artist for many years so I could draw although I'm a bit rusty...I love to dance want to come dance in my kitchen with me?...we can pull out some eighties goodies ...I love to cook but have too many taste buds so always for others( I enjoy that). And I scream when I'm in the car alone( not often but enough).... And I don't journal because being in the closet so many years taught me to hide too many thing and I have trouble putting truth down on paper. It comes from never being able to tell the whole truth. It does something permanent to your ability to be one hundred percent honest at least it did to me....I'm still hiding who I am to most people because where I live is not accepting . an older gentleman ask me recently if my ring was a wedding ring and I told him no because I believed it would make him uncomfortable to tell him the truth....that it wasn't a man who placed it on my finger but a woman.
    I like this forum because we can tell our stories.....I will tell mine...is there a thread for our stories?
     
  14. silverhalo

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    You can either post in the coming out section or if you feel it is appropriate then the later in life section. We would love to hear it.
    Oh what do you like to draw? I'm awful at drawing haha. I'll come and dance in your kitchen anytime, although I'm not very good at that either. What is going to be your first song of choice? Dancing can be a great way to cheer yourself up if you are feeling low and frustrated. It doesn't fix the problem but it can take it away for a while.
    I get why you find it tough to be completely honest. I don't journal sometimes if I'm struggling I write poems but the people I've seen on here who talk about journaling seem to say it took them a while to be completely honest in their journal so if you felt it might help you could give it a go.
     
    #34 silverhalo, Sep 29, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2017