Strange confrontation by my husband

Yesterday my husband texts me to say that he has bought me rum and coke because I have had a rough week. I thought cool I only have a four-day work week I guess it is okay to have a drink or two. Well he waited until I had two rum and cokes and was reading my book in the livingroom with him. He was watching womans MMA. Just out of no where he pauses the tv when it has a great view of one of the womans ass. He tells me she has a great ass what do you think. I was noncommital and was like whatever. He than said no I want to know what you think about it. I said yeah, her ass is nice. He then goes on to tell me that he wants to know what my type is and what things I like in girls. He starts listing his preferences, not picking up on the fact that I don’t want to talk about it or ignoring it, and I grudingly answer his questions like well do you like natural breasts and big asses and saying he doesn’t like small breasts and I am like it doesn’t bother me. He then askes me if I would go down on another woman, except he asked much more crudely, and I said yes. For like the fourth time he brings up a threesome and asks me would I let a woman go down on me while he fucked her and I said no. He said something gross like well we could share her, like it was food or something. I told him again that I was not interested in that and he wanted to know why not. I said I wouldn’t feel comfortable with him there and that it wouldn’t be something I wanted to do with him, tried to say it in a nice way. He said that he wanted to support me in me beng me and I said well if you want to let me try something on my own I would be more apt to possibly consider that. Mind you I have never asked him for any of these things before and have kept telling him that I don’t want to have anything to do with it. Next, he said that he was afraid it would turn out I was a lesbian and leave him. But why is he trying to force me into an encounter? Two days before this he walked in on me watching lesbian porn and laughed and said okay have fun. The next day he said that I could ask him anytime to help me in that department and that I could watch whatever I wanted while he did. He also said that his medication is not allowing him to have a happy ending but that he would just take care of me. I tried to explain that I didn’t really require assistance because it was faster my way lol.


He contradicts himself all the time about how he feels about me being bi. He says he wants to support me and is being accepting of me and then he acts another way like saying that he doesn’t like my attractions to women. One of the things he brought up is the fact that I had to do a lot of travel for work this year before I came out. He said that I reasured him that I was going to see female coworkers and I was. He is so freaking jealous of me. Then he said well how do I know you went there to sleep with them since now you tell me you like woman. For the record, I went there for work and had no desire to sleep with anyone nor to even try. I told me oh now I am not able to be trusted around anyone because you are going to be jealous if I hang around males or females and he said no, but that is not true. It is not like I am into everyone on the planet. I asked him why I would tell him about me being bi if I wanted to sleep with woman behind his back because surely it would be easier if I never told him. I had to reassure him that I have never slept with a woman before. He wanted to know why I never told him sooner that I liked girls and I tried to explain to him because I was keeping it even from myself. He than said that he felt bad that I couldn’t be myself that whole time. I guess he is trying to accept all of this. For some reason, I thought it was a good idea to tell him because I thought he would be able to know me better and because it felt like the right thing to do. Now I am not so sure.



The next fun topic was that he thought I was corrupting our daughter by taking her to lgbt events. This really pissed me off and I said something stupid like I wasn’t even coming close to corrupting her. He asked me what I meant by that and I said nothing. Then he asked me if I was saying that she was a lesbian and I said yes but she prefers gay. I feel really bad about my lapse in judgement but he agreed to pretend that he doesn’t know. I tried to explain that it is her thing to tell and that I shouldn’t have let him badger it out of me. I then got read the riot act for not telling him right away and he didn’t understand that this kind of thing comes before the parent bond. The good thing is that he said he didn’t care if she was gay and that he had suspected for a while. I told him that I had been talking to her and that I had asked her to tell him as soon as she could because it was bothering me keeping it from him. He said he wanted to walk her down the isle when/if she decideds to get married and he didn’t care if it was to a man or a woman. He was very upset that I came out to her before him and he demanded to know when she told me about herself. I did tell him that I was thinking of taking our dauther to a youth lgbt center for meetings and he said fine just pretend to tell me you guys are going somewhere else.


He texts me today to tell me that he hasn’t slept since Monday and I didn’t even notice because we don’t sleep together and I have been distracted. On Monday, he is going in to have a stress test to see if he can have another stint put in. He has been really sick lately because his heart is not getting enough blood. I guess he is scared so he didn’t sleep and used all that time to come up with crazy things to worry about and ask me. No, I can’t leave him because he is disabled and if I divorced him he would not have health care or even be able to afford to get his own place. We can’t just be roommates and I go off and do stuff on my own because he would never give me a moments peace. It feels like a helpless situation because I am not happy and he for damn sure is not either but the funny thing is we both were like this before I told him about me being bi. I feel like I struggle everyday to not act on my attractions but there is no way I would tell this to him because he would be so upset. It seems that once you admit you have attraction the more of it you have weither you want to or not. I have asked him if he would go to counsling and he said no.


Sorry mostly just rambling here and not sure what I wanted to come of it. It was just a very strange conversation that I was not at all comfortable with.

 

I told him that I was attracted to women in April. He took it bad and said he didn't want to hear it so we didn't get to talk about it that day. He acted like I said nothing for two days before he worked up the nerve to ask me how I identified and was relived when I said bi. He said he thought that I lied to him for 24 years but I tried to make him understand that I really lied to myself. Anyway last night he was acting very strange from his insomnia and almost not really there . I almost took him to the hospital but I have seen what insomnia can do to him before. I stayed up to 5am watching him. He was outside in a lawn chair for several hours but I couldn't get him in the house and I didn't want to risk him falling down the stairs. In the morning I overslept and everyone thought I was at work because my son took my car. My son's girl friend took my daughter to school because she said my husband was confused. When she woke me up he was almost crying telling me he felt strange and confused but that seeing me made him feel less scared. He got like a couple hours of sleep and seems to be acting normal.

 

I know he is scared because he might have to have another stint put in. We have had to wait a month for the insurance to approve his stress test to make sure that he can handle the surgery. He slept for a week straight after his doctor told him and then the next week I had the flu and the last two weeks I have been distant and selfishly in my own head. I would come home and read hoping I could get rid of the sinus headaches I have been getting every day on my way home from work. I do plan to talk to him more when he is rested and let him know to cut out the threesome crap. I think that he is in the bargaining phase and that is all he okay to offer me in hopes that I don't stray. Also I don't feel comfortable talking to him about what I find attractive in a woman because it feels like a trap and I am still not super comfortable talking about that kind of thing except with people who have similar situations.

 

I have been spending time exercising everyday for the last 7 days in a row. If I can get in the zone then I don't think of anything. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have that outlet.

 

I plan to talk to him and tell him to not bring up a threesome again and that if it is something I want I will be the one to bring it up. Yeah I don't think he should be worried about that kind of thing being so sick. I truly don't know what he is thinking. I don't think he could have sex with me right now. My hope is that the crazy stuff he was talking about was because of the insomnia. It has made him almost manic before and to sleep walk talking and everything. I will also ask him to let me have my boundaries when I don't want to discuss things like what type woman I like. Not sure if I still have shame or that I just don't like talking about sex with him and for sure not in crude terms. I honestly am not sure what his life expectancy is since he is in congestive heart failure has had one stint already and a defibrillator, plus smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. He refuses to eat healthy too. My opinion is that he has given up. He refuses counseling. Oh and his defibrillator recorded a small heart attack the day I told him I was bi which is his second heart attack. The first was his late 30's. He has been on pain pills for his lower back spinal fusion 14 years ago. His health is pretty fucked up. My doctor told me a couple years ago I had severe sleep apnea so I changed my whole life style. It was a wake up call for sure and I constantly need to make corrections to make sure I am on track but it is worth it. I feel so much better. I have had 3 hours of sleep so hopefully I am making sense.

 

I stayed up until 5am because I was worried about him. Last night sleep didn't come until 2am . Now I feel like crap for having 2 days of missed sleep. I think it is stress. I filled the time with 2 movies with horrible endings lol from Netflix lgbt section called Awol and the other was Girls Lost. Both have sad outcomes.

 

I think I am done sleeping for today. I try not to sleep past a certain time because I know it won't help. Sometimes more sleep makes me feel worse for some reason. My day will be an exciting one filled with revising a paper, going to the gym, and laundry. I am happy that my husband is sleeping now but he has up almost all night. I might call my mom later today, usually just talking to her makes me feel better even if I don't bring up all the stuff going on.

 

I found that I really like the 30 min lunchtime boot camp that I go to at work. I didn't think I would like group exercise and I didn't like taking classes at my gym, but for some reason the fact that I know everyone at the work class is uplifting. I never feel embarrassed at the boot camp it is actually the opposite that the people are very supportive. I know that I am not the most fit or unfit person in the class. I miss karate but right now I don't have the money or time for it. But you are right exercise does help a bit with the stress. I think it really sucks that we are both in similar situations. I feel like my husband wanted to know what my type of woman was so he could be on the lookout or something to make sure I was not doing something inappropriate.

 

Well going to the gym today was humbling. I guess two days of little sleep and food are my limit. I tried to do a quick legs day but couldn't lift my normal weight. I went down weight and still my legs shook, I broke out in a all over sweat, and had rapid breathing. I decided that was enough weightsand walked slowly on the treadmill. Even that was too much thank God my son left a pop tart in my car. I can understand your feelings for sex, I have maybe had sex with my husband twice in six months. It would be nice to have a drink with you Junebug I am sure we would have a lot to talk about.

 

My company has stuff going on in Cold Lake Canada but unfortunately I have never been sent out that way. Not sure if that is close or not though. I really wish it was possible to have a drink with you, it sounds fun. Around middle school I took Taekwondo and was a blue belt with several strips. I stopped going there because we moved out of the area when high school started. I also tried Kung Fu and if I remember correctly was a green belt. It was a very long time ago but I remember it fondly and have often thought of taking up something again. I was too out of shape for the longest time to attempt it though, it would have been embarrassing. I am in much better shape now but not sure my knees could handle lots of kicking. My coworker keeps trying to get me to join Krav Maga with her but I would have to stay several hours at work longer than needed and drive in whole other direction than where I live. I admire your dedication to getting your black belt that is a big accomplishment. I keep feeling like I want to join a softball team or do some kind of sport but the one I was asked to join is the gay woman's league. I bet my husband would have an issue with it and I don't think I can make time right now. But i could just imagine his panic about the away games lol.