As many of you might know, Hurricane Maria hit my island HARD last week. Were finally getting communications back in the capital but there’s so much destruction, and we barely have power, food, water, etc. So what Im about to say sounds totally trivial in the scheme of things, but its truly something I cant talk about with anyone at home without feeling completely superficial and ungreatful. I feel like this hurricane has derailed my life. My building was almost completely destroyed (90% of the apartments lost their windows, ceilings and furniture – mine thankfully just flooded). My neighbors, a couple, their HUGE Labrador and their 1 year old baby, have moved into my apartment indefinitely because they lost everything. Ive mentioned before that Im looking for jobs in NYC. Now I feel like that plan has gone to shit. I wont be able to rent out my apartment like I thought I would, and there is no way to get a flight out of the island anyways, and I can’t exactly leave my neighbors out on the street. To top it off, Ive been working on loosing weight and being healthy for the past 3 months but now we don’t know when were getting food deliveries so Im gaining weight and I feel gross… I know, these things are silly to complain about. Im alive, I have a roof and I have running water. But I feel like Ive been on this self-improvement journey and now I cant continue it. And Ive felt really alone through all this… my neighbors are all coupled up. I feel so alone. The only single person around is my guy neighbor that I once hooked up with and he has basically told everyone that hes 0% interested in me. And while Im pretty sure I don’t like men, it still feels shitty to not be wanted. It makes me feel ugly, annoying and inadequate. I know I cant seek validation from others but I think im just in a shitty mindset right now. Anyways, just needed to get that all out. xo
OMG, I can't imagine. And the exhaustion from dealing with the whole catastrophe is of course going to make all your emotions more raw. I really can't imagine. The flooding and power outages and lack of basic supplies. On top of that, dealing with other people's needs. You are a wonderful neighbor! All I can say is that the only way to get through this trial is to live in the moment as much as possible! Just focus on the next thing that needs to be done at any given time. Try not to think about your future right now. Plenty of time for all that! It's a crisis time right now, and you just have to deal with it one tiny step at a time.
I agree with Rjay on this one. I'm so terribly sorry to hear what's happened--we're being told that the island has been more or less wiped away. I simply can't imagine what that's like. My own city underwent a huge natural disaster several years ago. It was nothing compared to what you're facing now, but I remember the stress and how everything was derailed while we dealt with the crisis. And you have the added stress of a momentous personal journey being interrupted. But Rjay is right. What's happened is terrible, but completely out of your control. The issues you're dealing with are ones of basic survival, and while that doesn't make your own issues any less important or trivial, it does mean that they may have to be put on temporary hold. And I'm sorry that guy is being such a jerk. Maybe it's just his reaction to the incredible stress everyone there is under right now.
Putting your plans on hold can be tough for sure. I think you have to cut yourself a break though because way to much of it is out of your control but it is temporary. I know easy for me to say. I think you are a beautiful person for helping your neighbors. Your male neighbor is a fool IMO because when I looked at your pictures my thought was omg she is gorgeous also your personality from sharing here shines through. His loss I think.
Thanks @RJay. That's good advice. I just feel more alone than ever... I don't even know why... I guess its the apocalyptic nature of things. who wants to be alone when the world around you is ending? @Zoe he's actually the nicest guy. But if he doesn't like me, then he doesn't like me. And I don't really want anything with him. I'm just lonely, but still gay lol. It's just that I see all the girls hes after and I cant help but compare and think 'wtf is wrong with me' I'm just being silly and petty.
You are so sweet. Thank you. With my neighbor, its just a matter of pride. Rejection is never nice, even when its coming from someone you aren't even into lol. It's just another nail on the coffin I guess
No--you're not being petty or silly. Like you say, rejection is never easy, even if it's some you might actually reject yourself. And when you're under the type of stress you're under right now, things that may not have bothered or at all (or have bothered you very little) can take on a power they didn't have before. It's like your stress capacitor is full and anything added to it just boils everything over the top. Don't beat yourself up over it.
I can relate when you get rejected eventhough you aren't interested but I've just looked at your photos and he is an idiot!
Man, I can't even imagine everything you are going through right now. I agree with everyone else, the stress must be overwhelming but you are showing incredible strength. It's ok to have an off day. Those feelings are valid and you are entitled to them if for no other reason than they are your own. But you are a good person and you have the strength to see this through. Allow yourself the time and space to feel and process the emotions you are facing, but try not to let them consume you. I am glad to hear that you are still safe despite it all. You have all the Late in Life gang sending you support and EC hugs!
Oh no, Soundofmusic! I didn't think about you being in the midst of all that. I'm so sorry you're having to go through it! I just went through Hurricane Irma in Florida. We only lost power for a day or two where I'm staying, and THAT made me upset and cranky. I can't even imagine the devastation and everything that's bringing up, so don't feel bad or petty. You are in a bad headspace, and it's completely normal/understandable. But don't let it take over you in the coming days because you're okay and that's all that truly matters. Get out and help if you can. Keep yourself busy with work (if that's open) or helping others. It will keep your mind focused on other things. I'll echo @RJay in that you need to focus on the here and now. It's the only way to get through. Just go day by day, moment by moment if you have to. Your plans and your apartment are just things. You are alive and well, and helping others. That's all that matters. This will pass and you will get back on track. Just keep going❤️
Aww @Soundofmusic so many hugs coming over from here in England. I really can only echo the thoughts of others above. You are a beautiful person inside and out, I totally get why him rejecting you has upset you but in reality even if he wanted you that would also be annoying. I can't even imagine what you are going through, you are allowed every emotion you are feeling and more, sure some others have been more wiped out but that doesn't take anything away from your deverstation. Sure at the moment some of your progress has been halted and even reversed but when you get back on your feet I know that what you have been through is going to drive you forward stronger and better than ever and you are going to achieve all of those things that you want. In the meantime be kind to yourself and anytime you feel down and you can we are right here for you.
I don't think so at all. When I read your initial post I was thinking how I would probably be having the same sort of thoughts. I bet more people in your area than you would guess are probably having similar thoughts of how this disaster has derailed their life/plans. I think people just don't talk about them because they are afraid of being looked at as ungrateful or not thankful or something. But you CAN be both, thankful for what you have while simultaneously feeling downright sad and angry about the other things. Especially this disaster happening right when you were doing some positive things for you, getting healthy, feeling good, looking at moving to NYC. I think I might want to just cry and stamp my feet and think how it's just not fair! (And it's not!) And lets face it, having house guests in the best of times is stressful, under these circumstances it has to be very taxing. Especially when there is no set in stone end date. Your big picture plans are on hold because they have to be, but they are not off the table. Keep your eye on the prize, even now, maybe most importantly now. And I agree with the other posters here. You were strong already, even before this. Going through this is going to double that already present strength into Wonder Woman level strength. If we can dig up a silver lining at all from this disaster that's going to be it! You won't even notice your WW status until things are getting back to normal and you face a challenge,---- and simply say, 'I got this.' Keep us updated, keep posting, and you know EC is a no judgement zone! Take good care.
You are being very kind and generous taking in your neighbour's. In times of crisis people always seem to band together and help each other out. I think you're a lovely person. Don't get down on yourself. Things will get better. And one day you will live in NYC. I'm happy to hear that you're safe. Try to Stay positive. Even though all of us on here are far away we are all with you in spirit.
Thank you all. This is definitely hard. my grandmother got hopsitalized, on top of everything. Get home and my neighbors are being really sad and negative about their situation. Then i went down to walk my dog and saw that neighbor who doesnt like me and ugh i just want to hide away in my bedroom and not come out for a long time. I also just want someone to hug me and mean it. Thanks for all your support. Dont know what id do without this group.
oh my gosh!!! Happy Birthday!!!! Wish I could have celebrated you like you did me, but Ive barely been able to come online! Hope you have a wonderful birthday and you get lots of loving from your lady and your loved ones. xoxo
Thanks. Don't stress you have got enough to worry about. Neonsocks made me a little thread anyway so I'm feeling very loved. I made cake wouldn't you like chocolate or Victoria sponge? I'm just waiting for my girlfriend to get home.