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Getting closer

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Searching1, Sep 9, 2017.

  1. silverhalo

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    Yay for a wing woman. We can't wait to hear how it goes.
     
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  2. Moonsparkle

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    I get you on this! My own therapist uses these sudden and very direct veers of course of his usual approach with me!

    This is just my experience, but to me those sort of questions ARE so annoying and they make me uncomfortable for sure. And there's something about the seemingly negative almost accusatory phrasing of the question that just pisses me off!

    As uncomfortable as questions phrased like this are, they do make me think; force me to say my feelings out loud, own them, line them up in my head and then with my voice. My therapist is relentless (good way) too...an answer of 'I don't know, I'm not sure' doesn't fly! Or it might fly for that session but with an assignment that I need to think about it and come back next session with a better explanation of my feelings. Generally the more resistant and pissed off a question makes us...the more effective it is from a therapeutic standpoint I suppose.

    :tropical_drink::wine_glass:So you have a visit to a lesbian bar with a strong wing woman at you side planned? Perfection! Please keep us posted!:wine_glass::tropical_drink:
     
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  3. RJay

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    OMG!!! That is insane! :slight_smile:
     
  4. RJay

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    Amazing! Things are happening!
     
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  5. RJay

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    Epic. I hope it's a major blast. (Don't get into any trouble, lol.)
     
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  6. Searching1

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    Honestly I don't think it was some tricky planned method.. I feel like she all of a sudden realized maybe she should try and get us to revert because she's been pushing us the other way all along. Our very first visit with her she was VERY bold and blunt and basically said to my husband he needs to start moving on. My individual therapist is much better at let me come to conclusions on my own. I feel like our couple's therapist sees how well we work in many ways and maybe she's getting emotionally invested, wondering if she's made an mistake encouraging us to separate. She had very little influence on where I have come- this had been my own journey! Regardless, it was good to see that these feelings run deep and this truly is the path I am on.

    Haha, yes! The lesbian bar next week is the plan. I will certainly keep you all updated. @RJay, yes I will be careful :wink: I'm so curious how it will go.
     
    #106 Searching1, Sep 27, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2017
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  7. OED27x

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    I had two therapists say this sort of odd shit.

    Therapist #1: Have you tried more foreplay? (I think, are you fucking kidding me? Obviously that is like the first thing one tries. Idiot)

    Therapist #2: Have you tried giving each other light back massages? (HUGE eye roll)
     
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  8. NeonSocks

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    Where the hell do they come up with this shit?! :face_palm:
     
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  9. silverhalo

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    Haha I don't think I want to be any kind of therapist if they say stupid things like that.
     
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  10. Searching1

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    She asked us the same thing yesterday! She went on about how we must need to try foreplay and you can't just "go for it" with women. She also said said, "you married him, so obviously there was sexual attraction there at one point". What??!!! I seriously thought about getting up and running out of that room. Like, oh yeah okay I guess I never thought I'd that.. I must be straight! I'm so weirded out by how she's changing stances so boldly.
     
  11. Zoe

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    Wow. That's great stuff. Thanks for all the help, therapist.
     
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  12. Zoe

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    Who knows why therapists say what they do, but it almost sounds like she has a little bit of her own homophobia.
     
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  13. Searching1

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    I don't know either! So odd. Not sure about the homophobia.. of course possible. She has been SO on my side of things all along telling me that all research shows if you are gay, there is no changing it. She seemed all about facing the reality that we need to separate. I'm guessing she freaked out and is getting emotionally invested with us as a couple.

    Oh well. Glad I have my own therapist who has been amazing!
     
  14. Zoe

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    Good point--if she's been supportive up to this point, she probably had some therapeutic purpose in mind. Sometime those things go better in theory than in practice.
     
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  15. Mabel

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    Hmmmm...
    My therapist is gay soooo...she supports the research and has never suggested foreplay. I'm thinking maybe because I've divulged what I have tried on my own. Just for the record, there are LGBTQ therapists and I found mine in a PFLAG compiled list. I feel I had been through enough therapists without having some one who understands same sex attraction.

    So many don't understand the toll that society sets. That sometimes even when you don't want to hide you do, because that is all you were ever taught. No amount of foreplay and bonding is going to over ride who you are once you know it. It's just there and the only reason it wasn't seen before is that it wasn't taught or encouraged.
     
  16. Searching1

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    I agree. Yeah, I have my own therapist who is gay and specializes with LGBTQ issues- he is great! It is so helpful to have someone that knows how to handle these issues. I even told him I'm so happy with how he has let me come to everything on my own. This lady is our couple's therapist we started seeing back when we we trying to see if we could make things work. I think she suddenly caught herself wondering if she didn't try hard enough to save our marriage. I'm so happy I have my own therapist who really understands and knows how to help me navigate this.
     
  17. Searching1

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    I am having such a great time on my trip in the Bay Area visiting old friends. We had only moved to Reno three months ago, and it was right when all this mess got really bad, so it's like I've been stuck in a bubble of crisis with my husband. Out here seeing old friend, I feel free, independent and strong! All of these friends I am seeing know what is going on, so it is so nice to be able to talk freely in person with people I care about. This is all so much needed. My husband and I are seeing as a sort of soft break, not checking in frequently and staying pretty independent. Although I have been fine, him alone at the house with our daughter I think is striking him just how lonely and depressing things will be.

    On a more complicated note, I shared a full bed with a good friend of mine two nights ago after a night out in SF. I knew I had always had little mini moments of attraction towards her, but truly saw her as a friend. Well, I couldn't sleep all night. We laid down and our arms just stayed touching for a couple minutes. My heart was racing and I was breathing quickly. I finally forced myself to turn to the side but all night I kept waking. Uggg what is happening to me??? She opened up to me the night before how she recently herself has become open to dating women and has always acknowledged she is likely bisexual. Now I'm getting feelings towards her.. oh great. Seriously what is going on with me???
     
    #117 Searching1, Oct 2, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2017
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  18. silverhalo

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    Nothing wrong with you. You have just opened yourself up to the beauty of women. I mean it's slightly poor timing with your friend but you will come through.

    I'm glad the mini soft break is giving you what you need.
     
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  19. RJay

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    So glad you are having this positive experience with your friends. Great! As for having "feelings" towards your friend? Well, if she's bi... who knows? Just go with the flow and notice your feelings. No need to feel bad about it!
     
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  20. junebug99

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    I'm happy to hear that you are feeling free. I have felt so happy and free myself these days. I also feel a stronger attraction to women. I don't think I have felt so comfortable with my sexuality before. I'm happy just being me.