So, I've been in a relationship with this girl for over a year now. We both have very demanding careers as I'm in Healthcare and she is a pilot. I'm 26 and she is 24... We moved in together and things were perfect and I was extremely happy. Because of her job she is gone a lot, which was okay at first because she would be gone for up to 11 days and then wouldn't have another trip that long for about a month. Well now she got a new job and is gone every week and I get to see her maybe once a week. We don't get to talk much since right now we are on completely different schedules. We moved to a new area together and I don't know anyone here other then people from work. I'm not as happy as I once was..I'm the type that needs quiet a bit of attention, which I'm willing to admit haha. Anyways, I'm afraid this is how it will always be even though she says it won't. I love her very much but what am I supposed to do if I'm miserable when she's gone? I would truly appreciate any feedback..help!
Hey LL26, Open, 2way communication with your spouse is absolutely essential. Make sure that she is aware of your concerns. Every relationship has ups and downs and each requires unique compromises. As I'm sure you know, the first decade or so in anyone's career sets the tone for their long-term reputation, viability for desired jobs, and/or the ability to pick and choose their own schedule more-or-less directly. Right now, your wife probably doesn't really have a lot of choices if she wants to establish herself with a strong reputation and resume for her long-term career. I would imagine that you are experiencing much the same thing in your career field. The big difference right now is that your career field doesn't normally take you away from home. However, what if, in the not-too-distant future, you were offered a premier job opportunity which required you to make a major move to a completely different part of the country? Would you expect your wife to simply understand and happily make that move with you or would you expect there to be significant discussions and possible/probably compromises? I'm just trying to (hopefully) help you take a step back and look at the situation from a slightly larger viewpoint. Having said that, relationships in which one partner is often away can be extremely challenging. For example, each person tends to develop their own routine - especially the person back at home - and when the two come together again, there can be some unconscious resentment for an interruption of each person's "comfortable" regular routine. I wish both of you all the best!
I've made sure that I've expressed my concerns with her. I feel like she gets why I feel the way that I do but there's nothing really she can do. I try to be supportive and there for her whenever she needs me but I'm just not sure if it's possible for me to be truly happy when she's not home...I don't want a long distance relationship but I can't imagine my life without her. I've been trying to just keep myself as busy as possible but I'm becoming worn out..
Hey LL26, I totally understand where you're coming from. As a military veteran myself, what you are experiencing is very much what the stay-at-home military spouse normally experiences when the military member of the family is deployed for long periods of time. I would strongly recommend that you try to adjust to this new 'normal' situation as best as you can for now and try to make the most of the time that the two of you actually do have together - like having romantic dinners/experiences instead of just 'normal', daily life - as often as possible. As you indicated, there is probably nothing that your wife can really do about it right now. She is probably just as unhappy as you are with the current situation. However, like most things in life, this situation certainly won't last forever. Have you and your wife discussed her long-term career plans?
That's the thing, right now even when she's home she has no time to actually spend with me because she has to study so much. We have talked about how it will be in the future, which it does get a little better. I just want to have a normal life where we can come home to each other every night but I don't think that will be happening any more.
Well LL26, It doesn't sound like the two of you will have a 'normal' life anytime soon. That sucks that she has to spend most of her time studying when she's at home - still, even she has to eat and how much of a stretch would it be for her to at least occasionally go out with you for a romantic evening? (Or a stay-at-home one that you plan?) One thing that military spouses have available to them are Family support groups. Are there family members from some of your wife’s co-workers living near you? Is there any possibility that you could occasionally get together with some of them for mutual support? If not, perhaps you can look at joining a hobby or interest group that can give you something to do an people to interact with when she is away... Just some thoughts.
Thank you so much for your thoughts. I appreciate them very much! I've been thinking about trying to find a support group. Which i guess joining this was the first step!
