Since I came out I've noticed the involuntary sexual fantasies and thoughts have slowed down. Prior to coming out gay sex would regularly cross my mind, i.e 2-3 times per week, (not that I ever acted on it). Now it only happens once in a blue moon. Has anyone else experienced this? More background info: I'm a 32yr old male and came out to my fiancé (of 8yrs) about 2 months ago. In the last month I've also came out to 2 very close friends. My fiancé and I are still together and haven't made any firm decisions on our future yet. Although I have acknowledged my same sex attractions I haven't experienced anything sexual with a male yet.
Maybe not "less gay", but less desperately fixated on it. It's only natural that the more energy you're spending on deciding whether to come out, the more being gay comes to the front of your mind, and the more it pushes everything else aside. As time has gone on, the fact that I'm gay has become less something to think about, and more just a fact of my existence that I really have accepted and just live, My hair has been completely gray since I was in my 30's, and while it was changing, I kept looking at the mirror to see how much black/brown was left, but now I just rub the product in to try to make it look less like a dandelion gone to seed, and the fact that it's white usually doesn't even register. There have been a lot of discussions here about when a person is done coming out. I think a lot of that answer boils down to when you stop really thinking about it. You probably have a long way to go, if you've only told your fiancée and a couple friends, but you're on the right track if you're getting to the point where it's more a part of who you are, and less something to obsess over. You're doing fine!
It is natural, once this type of inner conflict is resolved that one experiences the calm that follows the storm. But, I'm curious as to the nature of this question. You note that you are still with your fiancé...are you thinking, maybe hoping, that somehow this "gayness" will further diminish? All anyone who's been through what you're going through will tell you is...most definitely not...
I know what you mean. Since coming out I haven’t obsessed/fantasised as much but I put it down to the fact I am now living an openly gay woman and the person I was always meant to be. Happy and content lesbian here
That calm you speak of, that follows the storm, it feels like clear water falling naturally past rock and through crevice and canyons, to widen and find its level like the estuarys of a delta, maybe it is ones own ganges, becoming calmer yet so much stronger, joining with others, fuller, seen from far above, interconnecting, it does not diminish, nor flow back up stream, but swirles and cascades, some sinks deep deep into the earth...while much flows out and out to become one and many with the vast ocean...once tapped it does not retrace its path, but brings new life, where ones own rainbows appear...and rain falls, and others so too begin their journey...
Even without looking at the Username I can tell your writing simply by how poetic it is. That just amuses me for some reason. That said, I do agree with that feeling of calmness. Since splitting from my ex, embracing my sexuality, as much as other things seem to suck like my finances and the way I have to work to TRY and keep things going as a single parent, my asexuality has become the LEAST stressful part of my life.
Oh wow, thats wonderful...I'm glad I bring you smiles...thats made my day/night..! Yes having to work can be a drag, the daily grist to keep things going but, such is life. Finances have never been my strong point either. Wishing all the things that stress you go take a hike... have a happy day no matter what it might pop up... Julien
I can see from the outside on why you would think that. My days of fighting who I am and being in denial are to the most part, behind me. I actually miss my gay sexual attractions. At first I thought it was temporary because I was depressed but now it seems like my libido has been stripped away, which is really quite distressing as I now feel unmotivated to explore my sexuality. I did some further thinking and I may have uncovered the source of my problem. When I first came out I was depressed so my doctor prescribed me 10mg of an anti-depressant called Lexapro. I experienced many side effects, including nausea and sleeplessness at about this time my sex drive ceased to exist also. After 4 weeks of being on it I spoke to my doctor who agreed I should taper down and within 6 days I was completely off it. That was 3 weeks ago, and things haven't returned to normal. Which is a little scary given I was only on the anti-depressant for less than 5 weeks. I hope it hasn't caused any long term damage.
