Bonnie Kaye wants to take closeted gay men to court

I've just finished reading a book by Bonnie Kaye called "Doomed Grooms." She calls herself a counselor to women who were married to gay men. (She says she counseled more than 100,000 women and several thousand gay men. I don't believe that's possible in any way, shape or form. There are people questioning her background and whether she can legally offer counseling services.) I've also seen her website and some of her newsletters, where she is starting a campaign state-by-state to change divorce laws for closeted gay men. You can find her website at gayhusbands.com.

She says she is pro-gay, except for gay men who don't realize it until after they've married a woman. She wants to change divorce laws so that women who have been "defrauded" by their gay husbands, can take them to court and sue for damages, and her point of view is that these marriages should not be allowed to end with "No Fault Divorce." She thinks they should be called "His Fault Divorce." She says she understands the pressures and struggles gay men go through in our culture, and that she "gets it," and she says she encourages gay people to come out, but she thinks the solution for closeted gay men who marry women, is to punish them legally and financially. In one of her newsletters she wrote that she wished gay people could have a clock so that they'd know they were gay when the clock strikes midnight on their 21st birthday, and that way there would be no more confusion and no more closets. (She didn't wish for a similar clock for straight people.)

She seriously thinks she is gay friendly and gay supportive, and doesn't realize that the ones who marry heterosexually are also gay, and doesn't see that her proposal is just going to cause more gay men to remain in a heterosexual marriage. I don't know if she's a hypocrite, I think she is just blind to her own homophobia or heterosexism, but whichever it is, keep your eyes and ears open for her campaign in your state, if she is able to get it off the ground. She thinks punishing them will encourage gay men to come out.

 

You might be right that she's just trying to make a name for herself and whip up controversy to do it. All of her books are self-published. She says gay men who marry straight women are all narcissists. She not only says she has counseled "more than 100,000 women," she also calls herself "the internationally recognized expert" in gay/straight relationships, and she has "more experience than any other counseling professional in the nation." Those are quotes from her on Amazon and her website. But she says it's the closeted gay men who are the narcissists. Go figure.

She says she won't work with straight men married to closeted lesbians because even with 30 years as the "expert" in this field, she says she doesn't understand lesbians, only homosexual men! That's the kind of "expert" she is. Has anyone else heard of her or gone to her for help? I can only imagine the damage she does to anyone who goes to her for advice. Aren't there laws about this, false advertising and pretending to be a therapist or expert when you aren't?

 

"...the gay (bi) guy absolutely knew he was gay (bi)..."

Oh, I forgot to mention, she doesn't believe bisexuality exists, either. She says that's a stepping stone between being closeted gay to openly gay, because bisexuality sounds "less horrible" than gay. It's a temporary state for men who are transitioning, the way she describes it. She doesn't believe in the Kinsey Scale, or fluidity, either; she made up her own "P" scale: 1 if you're straight, 2 if you're gay (a "Penis Man", as she puts it). Nothing in between. I don't think she had a similar 2 point scale for straight-to-lesbian women. But she says she's not homophobic, and she supports gay issues. That's what she says, anyway. So even if her legal campaign doesn't work, keep your eyes and ears open for her. She'll say she understands you and she wants to help, even while she's stabbing you in the back.