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I have trouble talking with a guy that likes me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Blanched, Sep 22, 2017.

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  1. Blanched

    Blanched
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    There is a guy at my school that told me he loves me, but we don't ever get anywhere private to talk. The first time he told me he loved me was whispering to me within 2 feet of other people. I was scared someone heard him and that was mostly the only thing I was thinking about. It was the first time a boy has said he loved me and I didn't know what to think, so I didn't think. I looked back at him for a second, and then just didn't say anything. I really couldn't because I didn't want other people to hear. I couldn't go somewhere else because I was working at a dinner. I really wish I could have talked to him that moment. He told me he loved me again on a bus, and I thought it was loud enough all the people around could hear, but nobody noticed. I'm so paranoid people are going to find out I am gay. I didn't say anything again, but I just shook my head once, and he asked me if I was uncomfortable and I said yes but really I just didn't know what to say. Now he seems to be avoiding me and I feel like he thinks I am not gay. I'd like to go out with him but I just can't manage to tell him I like him. I need help with how to think when he talks to me.
     
    #1 Blanched, Sep 22, 2017
  2. Twist

    Twist
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    Rejection is a hard pill to swallow. He's probably avoiding you because he feels you have rejected him and his feelings for you. IMO, if you can't tell him that you like him, then you have no business going out with him.
     
    #2 Twist, Sep 22, 2017
  3. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hey Blanched,

    As @Twist indicated, he is probably pretty dejected right now because he took a big chance telling you how he feels about you and you seemed to have shot him down - especially when you told him that 'yes' you were feeling uncomfortable. He would naturally assume that your discomfort was with him, another guy, telling you that he loves you.

    If you want to set things right, I would strongly recommend that you go out of your way to find him and ask him out. If you don't want to publicly call it a 'date' in front of others right now, maybe you could tell him that you'd really like to hang out with him and talk to him somewhere much more private. Or, perhaps you could give him a note that tells him that you have a hard time expressing yourself in a very public setting, but you'd really like to meet with him somewhere more private. You could also send him a slightly more subtle signal by handing him (or texting him) the link to the animated short movie "In A Heartbeat" on YouTube - that should makes things clearer for him.

    You're clearly much more concerned with being inadvertently Outed in public, but I imagine that your main issues isn't really about how you think when you talk to him, rather you're not used to having romantic interactions (in any form) with another guy in public. You'll get used to it over time, but I would say that the main thing right now if you really want to pursue him as a potential bf, is to talk to him someone privately, one-on-one as soon as possible so that he can understand your reactions thus far to his statement that he loves you and your concerns about public exposure.

    I hope some of that helps.
     
    #3 Quantumreality, Sep 23, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2017
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  4. Tallen

    Tallen
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    Totally agree with Quantumreality,

    If you really do like this guy and want to hang out with him you need to get in touch with him. Guys hang out publicly all the time, its a normal thing to have a buddy, you don't have to appear gay in public when together, just have fun.

    As for being outed, he may have the same fear, maybe he's in the closet to certain people. Being out gves a person true freedom to be themselves but one must be emotionally strong to deal with the reactions of others and some people remain in the closet their whole life, if he really does love you he will understand and actually work to protect your sexual identity.

    You sound like you really have a great opportunity to have someone special in your life and i am jealous... :slight_smile:

    Let us know how things turn out.
     
    #4 Tallen, Sep 23, 2017
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  5. Blanched

    Blanched
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    Thanks guys, I really need this help.
     
    #5 Blanched, Sep 23, 2017
  6. resu

    resu
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    It takes a lot of courage to tell someone you like/love them, and it would be a shame if you don't respond.

    +1 to giving a note if you are too scared to talk in person. As others note, it's important not to let paranoia take over your life. If this guy was brave enough to approach you, then you should be able to respond in your own way. It could be as simple as complimenting his style or just how he's doing: basically anything to show your interest.
     
    #6 resu, Sep 23, 2017
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  7. Blanched

    Blanched
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    Does this note sound okay?

    Name -
    I did not mean to tell you that I was uncomfortable. I did not know how to react or what to say because no other guy has told me they loved me before. I realize I made you feel like I didn't like you, but I do. I'm sorry.
     
    #7 Blanched, Sep 23, 2017
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  8. Maddox232003

    Maddox232003
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    So well.... what you need is courage. Do you love him or like him? If yes, call him somewhere out or sleepover and tell him and if he said he love you and have feelings and IS Gay. Some fun i guess... if you love him, tell him straight and at some private place. And avoiding you? Approach him yourself, if he runs, chase him down.
     
    #8 Maddox232003, Sep 23, 2017
  9. Maddox232003

    Maddox232003
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    Great. It could work. Or maybe write a letter or snug him a letter. If you love him. Detail all about how you feels about him on a letter or confession letter as i would call it.
     
    #9 Maddox232003, Sep 23, 2017
  10. Blanched

    Blanched
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    Thanks
     
    #10 Blanched, Sep 23, 2017
  11. resu

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    Your note sounds fine. I would caution against saying you love him if your feelings are not that strong right now. You might include an invitation to go out (it's easier if you have a specific place/time in mind).
     
    #11 resu, Sep 23, 2017
  12. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Hey Blanched,

    I agree with @resu. You should also strongly consider asking to meet with him somewhere (somewhere that you consider private enough to have an open, frank conversation with him).
     
    #12 Quantumreality, Sep 23, 2017
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  13. Maddox232003

    Maddox232003
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    #13 Maddox232003, Sep 23, 2017
  14. Blanched

    Blanched
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    I unexpectedly got to talk to him today, and I think we are okay. I told him I did not mean to tell him I was uncomfortable, and that I just didn't know what to say. He laughed and said "classic my name..." (because I am very socially awkward all the time.) I wasn't expecting him to laugh when I said that, but maybe I just worried my self too much that I hurt him... Anyway, thanks for all the help!
     
    #14 Blanched, Sep 24, 2017
  15. Quantumreality

    Quantumreality
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    Very cool, Blanched.

    So did you set something up with him so that you can talk openly?
     
    #15 Quantumreality, Sep 24, 2017
  16. Humbly Me

    Humbly Me
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    Did you tell him that you are interested? Set up a meeting time?
     
    #16 Humbly Me, Sep 25, 2017
  17. Blanched

    Blanched
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    I didn't tell him I was interested, but I really feel like he knows that I like him. I will try to talk to him and find a place we can talk alone.
     
    #17 Blanched, Sep 25, 2017
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