I need advice on this guy I'm seeing. He's really sweet and cute, and he's more or less everything I look for in a guy. But just lately he seems to be distancing himself from me, we were talking everyday and dating and now he seems to be distancing himself. What should I do? I don't want to annoy him, but I don't want to keep getting hurt or used by guys.
Hey MrPepp, Have you talked to him directly about your concerns? How long have the two of you known each other/been dating?
We've been dating about a month but talking for about 2 months. I like him and I'm scared to ask him. In the past guys have led me on for months. Even after I ask. I don't know how I should ask him?
We've been dating about a month but talking for about 2 months. I like him and I'm scared to ask him. In the past guys have led me on for months. Even after I ask. I don't know how I should ask him?
Well, constant, open, honest, 2way communication is extremely important in any relationship. You obviously have concerns about his apparent distancing, so it would seem to be something that you should address with him. Hopefully, he will be equally open and tell you straight-up why he is doing what you perceive as 'distancing'. If the two of you can't have that kind of open communication, it doesn't seem likely that your relationship would have good long-term prospects, does it? In order to have a real relationship, we always have to put ourselves out there and risk being hurt. That's pretty much just how it works. I would simply suggest that you meet with him face-to-face and have a clear discussion about your feelings and his and where the two of you see this relationship going. A month of dating should be long enough to know if the two of you really like each other enough to continue or discontinue your relationship. If both of you want to continue to explore the relationship, that's great.
@Quantumreality's advice is excellent. The only way you are going to know what he's doing and why is by having an honest conversation with him. You aren't psychic, and neither are we. Honest communication is essential to a healthy relationship.
In my past experiences there is an excitement when people first meet and start to get to know each other but as time goes on and they begin to experience each others true personality and the ever day boredom of life... that fascination and interest in the other person can start to diminish a bit. EXAMPLE: I met a guy awhile back that jumped in with both feet in getting to know me better, we had long conversations sharing all about ourselves but there came a time when we started searching for things to talk about and soon the interest started to die.... Maybe the cooling down is related to his running out of things to be excited about, are your conversations interesting or are they predictable? As others have suggested...I would tell him I like him a lot and would like to continue the friendship and asked him how he feels about it. Hopefully he will open up and not keep you guessing as to whats going on.
Quantumreality is absolutely right about the need for open communication. Poor communication can be really damaging to a relationship, but good communication isn't necessarily about confronting, challenging and heavily questioning the other person. I think we sometimes get the wrong idea and see open communication in a negative way that's overly direct and in your face. It doesn't have to be like that at all. Remember, it's not what you say, but how you say it that counts. In your position, I would reflect on the past month and tell him how much you've enjoyed seeing him and then ask him how he's feeling about things? It's a fairly open and inviting question and not in the least confrontational or damaging. What do you think?
