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How to break up from a good person

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by PennyT, Sep 16, 2017.

  1. PennyT

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    I'm 100% convinced that I need to breakup with my girlfriend. She's a very nice person, and I know that she really cares about me - maybe even loves me - and it's been cool dating her, but I'm not in love with her, and I don't think I'll ever be in love with her. I care about her wellbeing and don't want her hurt, but there's nothing romantic there. Honestly, if we completely lost contact today, I'd be fine with it, which makes me feel like a jerk.

    This is both of our first real relationships, so neither of us have been through a real breakup. I'm not sure how to instigate it. A part of me want to wait until it fizzles out. As it is, we see each other once a week, max, and when we do, we're exhausted because of school and work. We both have a lot going on. I usually have 10-12 hour blocks in my day when I'm not even home, and when I get home, I have so much homework. The last thing I want to do is talk to anyone, even her. On the weekends, I have a lot of stuff to do - homework, apartment cleaning, laundry, family stuff, etc. I feel emotional and physically spent at the end of the day, and I don't think I have any energy to give to our relationship.

    Besides that, nothing is going wrong in our relationship, and I know if I say we should break up, she's going to think it's coming out of the blue. I've sort of brought up my worry about this year being too intense for me for our relationship to laugh, but she, understandably, gets very uncomfortable and wants to talk about something else.

    I'm not sure what to do. Help?
     
  2. Poppy43

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    Hi, Just tell her what you have said here, that you really like her as a person but your not in love with her and that both of you need that in a partner. If someone said that to me I would understand and be pleased they were honest with me. Its better than fobbing her off with excuses etc.
     
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  3. lovewine

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    Just tell her straight.. She deserves the truth from you. Meet up with her and tell her in person..
     
  4. CanadianBi

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    agree with lovewine, there is no "nice" or less hurtful way to do it and just remaining in a relationship that you know isn't working is wasting both of your times and isn't fair to her
     
  5. PennyT

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    Update: She called me before I had a chance to say something in person, and she's been noticing something missing. I did what y'all said and told her how I was feeling, and I suggested we maybe breakup (maybe I should've been more assertive?), but she didn't really like the idea, said it was like quitting. So we're going to take a break to think about things.

    I think I'm going to meet with her in person and officially break up. Hopefully I don't make it worse for her.

    Thanks for y'all's advice!
     
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  6. resu

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    So what if it sounds like quitting? Not every relationship lasts forever, and breakups don't have to be over serious conflicts.
     
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  7. Romin

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    It is a completely valid reason to break up with someone because of lack of time and energy. If you cannot give what it takes to have a healthy relationship, it is in both of your best interests to break it off now before leading her on and possibly creating a cycle of unhealthy habits.

    You're on the right track, just be completely honest and gentle, but firm in your break up. You said you are 100% sure. Make that be known to her. Don't attempt to be friends afterwards for at least a few months, maybe not even then. Do not continue to talk to her or entertain getting back together if you don't have the time for a relationship.

    Good luck to you, I know breaking up is never easy, but you've got this and hopefully she'll understand :slight_smile:
     
    #7 Romin, Sep 21, 2017
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2017
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